Today, I got home from work early and discovered why my 17-year-old daughter's sprained elbow isn't getting any better after weeks of treatment. She can't stop giving handjobs. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I met my daughter's first serious boyfriend, only she forgot to mention he has hypermobility. All I did was shaking his hand normally, but it still dislocated three of his knuckles. My daughter made me call his mother to explain what I did. FML
Today, I went to the doctor because I broke my wrist. My mom told the nurse that I broke it while masturbating. FML
Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML
Today, I got my first handjob. I also found out today that a girl can pull your skin hard enough to cause it to bleed profusely. FML
Today, while I was fooling around with my girlfriend, she hurt her hand. It obviously wasn't very serious, so I told her to stop faking it. She responded, "Wanna know what I actually fake? My orgasms." FML
Today, I learned that when my daughter spent the night at her best friend's house for her 18th birthday, they made her an account on one of those "cam girl" websites, and now every time she goes over there, she masturbates for money in front of strangers. FML
Today, my 20 year-old daughter started ranting to me about her latest boyfriend's erectile problems. Trying to be a good dad, I told her all I knew about how to get the boy fixed. My wife decided to stick her head in and say, "Listen to your dad, hun. He knows all about this kind of thing." FML
Today, I was having sex with my wife when my 14 year-old daughter texted me from her room, "Stop." FML
Today, my girlfriend was giving me a hand job when she started crying. Despite my pleas for her to stop and attempts to comfort her, she insisted that she continue. I feel like a monster. FML
Today, I gave my hubby a hand massage as he's beginning to deal with carpal tunnel issues. He then proceeded to tell me, and I quote, "This is the consequences of not properly stretching as a young guy. I did stretch pussy though." FML
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Top comments
buckeyed 20
Easy fix: all she has to do is use her mouth!
LindsayxMoore 18
Wow. I think you need to have a talk with her!
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Comments (189)
Cazz91 21
Now that's dedication!
soapmactavish82 8
I hate to hear the story of how you found this out
ULie909 8
Beat both there asses!!! It's called discipline.... Talks are in threw one ear and out the other... Ass whooping is a scar 4 life...
vladimirjames 5
Their*
DLT_fml 20
And through*
baref00tmama 15
This may stun you, but many parents are against scarring their children "4 life". In fact, we prefer not to scar them at all if possible.
EpicBlondie89 19
Also, if you tag something on Instagram, then facebook share it, the hashtags are shared too.
escobar07 10
Can i meet her?
KiddNYC1O 22
I know a friend who literally got a ********... Literally. Poor girl.
9echo 17
You never know; it might be helping her elbow. Like they say, different strokes for different folks.
emuexport 4
What great commitment and dedication
venom2421 10
Soon she'll have a sore mouth.
taylort88 3
Ok guys, I saw this and had to make an account to comment because this sounds like it was my little sister and mom. We're from Illinois and this happened recently. If it was, she sprained her elbow playing softball and the guy she was jerking off was NOT her boyfriend. He's a kid she goes to school with. I'm not sure if he's the only one or not, but he definitely visits her room often. My mom found out when she walked into my sister's room because the dumbasses don't know how to lock a door. She's grounded indefinitely and when that grounding is over any guy she brings into the house must sit in the living room. This was the rule when I was her age but they decided to change it so she could "work on projects." You can see how well that worked out. Well, I hoped this clarified things for everyone. I'll do a better job at keeping the brat under control. :)
crudeandrudeguy 29
Whoa whoa whoa, Control is the last thing anyone needs here. There is nothing wrong with a 17-year-old giving a hand job, that's pretty mild compared to what most 17-year-olds are doing. If you look into her room and find 15 men of varying age, race and dick size lined up to stuff every hole then you have a problem....