Animals: Today, I got grounded because I didn't go to my dog's birthday... - FML

By jacky tu - 16/10/2010 03:06 - United States

Today, I got grounded because I didn't go to my dog's birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 034

You deserved it 7 677

Vulture

Triage

Stealth attack

By hihaay - 30/09/2011 18:15 - United States

Today, while on the bus, I found out the seat I'd taken was the preferred spot of a very hostile and extremely overweight freshman. Instead of letting me find different place to sit, she half sat on me, and completely ignored my attempts to dislodge myself all the way to school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 061

You deserved it 2 947

By liz - 21/06/2009 21:26 - United States

Today, I went shopping at a thrift store. I found a really cute top that fit me perfectly, so I bought it. Afterwards, I noticed the original tag was still on it. It read: "designed with your pregnancy in mind". It was a maternity top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 129

You deserved it 15 147

By Anonymous - 10/02/2015 04:12 - United States

Today, in an attempt to potty train my 2-year-old, I sat her on the toilet and waited for several minutes. I finally gave up and lifted her off the toilet just in time for her to pee on my new shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 829

You deserved it 5 817

By yogapants - 24/09/2010 20:21 - Switzerland

Today, I let out the most horrific, loudest, and most vile smelling fart I have ever had in my life while in the middle of yoga class. Out of embarrassment, I tried to lessen the tension in the silent room by giggling, but no one saw the funny side. I was given looks of horror, and avoided by everyone else for the rest of the class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 199

You deserved it 14 814

By Anonymous - 30/04/2009 19:42 - United States

Today, my serious boyfriend was talking about how he wants to get engaged and married. I was really happy until he said he's excited mainly for the tax benefits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 352

You deserved it 4 329

By Zapped - 17/05/2010 11:09 - United States

Today, I learned that, since getting my tongue ring, it has become imprudent to test 9-volt batteries with my tongue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 847

You deserved it 46 273

By cherokeems - 20/10/2015 18:28 - United States - Harriman

Today, my 8-month-old dog decided to decorate the living room by tearing apart a rented college textbook, the reference guide that went with it, and part of a color therapy book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 944

You deserved it 3 692

After vacation

By Anonymous - 23/12/2019 18:00

Spicy

Today, I got back from vacation and walked in on my boyfriend and my brother in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 326

You deserved it 255

By Anonymous - 05/12/2010 08:10 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend and I had an argument. She admitted she didn't know why she was pissed at me, but still is, and now she won't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 444

You deserved it 4 161

By anonymous - 18/12/2016 03:15

Today, my pregnant sister has apparently always loved my boyfriend's name and wants to give it to her child. She expects me to break up with my boyfriend so "it doesn't get weird." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 966

You deserved it 437

By cerealfail - 14/11/2010 20:33

Today, I went to get a box of cereal and I knocked over a bottle of olive oil. It took me about half an hour to clean up. When I finally finished, I found out the box of cereal was empty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 721

You deserved it 4 366

Instadrama

By etahrabayraa - 27/06/2020 08:08

Today, I was stalking a popular girl from my high school's account and my phone went bonkers. It looks like I liked and disliked the same video of hers over and over. I disabled my Instagram account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 622

You deserved it 1 440

Inappropriate crush

By Anonymous - 14/06/2020 17:00

Today, a week after my 10-year anniversary, I realized I've somehow been roped into hosting my husband's crush's birthday party with all their friends. My gift to myself was a $60 bottle of whiskey that won't arrive in time to help me with my debilitating social anxiety. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 351

You deserved it 322

Deception

By Anonymous - 07/01/2021 11:01

Today, I found out that my husband, who was supposed to be in PA school, dropped out 6 and a half years ago and never even received his bachelor's. He started lying to me before we were even a year into dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 999

You deserved it 138

By emi - 01/07/2012 04:30

Today, not only does my cat rabidly attack my face if I don't let him sleep on my pillow, but he snores too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 913

You deserved it 5 300

I wish!

By Anonymous - 17/09/2021 11:00

Spicy

Today, my sister saw an empty bottle of squirty cream in my bedroom, and now her and my siblings keep teasing me about how I must have a really kinky sex life. Truth is, I ate the cream by myself with cake, chocolate and biscuits, because I was depressed about it actually being 2 years since I had sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 850

You deserved it 195

MAKE UP YOUR MIND

By preggo eggo - 30/11/2017 16:00

Today, after months of my fiancé begging me to have a baby with him, I found out I’m pregnant. He doesn’t want a baby anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 061

You deserved it 508

By killer - 16/05/2009 12:21 - Latvia

Today, I went to see a fortune teller. She said one of my closest friends will die soon because of me. Frightened I hurried home to avoid meeting anyone I know. At home I found my goldfish floating on its back. Apparently I forgot to feed my closest friend for the past 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 762

You deserved it 59 851

Time to move out

By Anonymous - 13/08/2020 08:01

Today, I'm spending $1,400 on rent each month to hear my upstairs neighbor walk from one end of their apartment to the other, and then back again. This occurs pretty much all day and all night. Yesterday I woke up at 3:30 a.m. from the banging of steps. My other neighbor played his music so loud, I felt it through the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 391

You deserved it 136

By idontgetit - 12/06/2012 23:39 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I proudly told my elitist dad that I now have a beautiful girlfriend. He didn't believe me, so I showed him her Facebook. He demanded that I stop seeing her, saying that the duck-facing in her avatar was the hallmark of "a lower form of being" who would only ever shame our family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 948

You deserved it 30 538

By footfood - 27/06/2011 14:56 - Slovenia

Spicy

Today, I witnessed my girlfriend eat the dead skin from the soles of her feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 176

You deserved it 7 706

By Anonymous - 26/08/2010 09:16 - Canada

Today, I realised that every morning my girlfriend gets me to help her put on a locket her ex-boyfriend bought her on Valentine's Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 524

You deserved it 4 559

Noise machine

By achtung - 01/02/2009 23:57 - United States

Today, I had to use my friend's toilet. His pretty cute sister was in the kitchen adjoining the bathroom, so I smiled and said hi on my way through. I then had the loudest and most vile-sounding shit of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 074

You deserved it 5 740

By 3rd wheel, 2nd dick - 26/07/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, my best friend asked if I'd join him and his girlfriend for a 3-way. Since I've always had a crush on his girlfriend, I eagerly agreed. When I got there, I learned that their idea of a 3-way was them watching me jerk off while I watched them have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 396

You deserved it 2 547

She definitely heard

By Anonymous - 09/09/2021 02:00

Today, I had to go to the mall for a quick errand. While there one of my friends who works at a phone booth was there and I stayed for a little bit chatting with him. While chatting, a girl passed by. She was so pretty that I blurted out, "What a woman!" out loud. Turns out it was my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 1 251

By Anonymous - 26/12/2009 19:46 - United States

Today, the painting I worked on for three weeks was rejected from an art contest because the rules prohibit fan art. It wasn't fan art. They mistook it for Twilight fan art. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 681

You deserved it 8 132

By Hannah - 21/12/2010 17:01 - United States

Spicy

Today, my husband said that when we have sex he almost gets as excited as he does when he gets a chopper gunner on Black Ops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 965

You deserved it 7 885

By Jack - 09/08/2016 00:23 - United States - Asheville

Today, my mom said, "I'm sorry your life is such shit." She meant it as an apology. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 926

You deserved it 1 339

By besviken - 18/11/2012 22:53 - Sweden - Uppsala

Spicy

Today, I had the best sex of our relationship with my boyfriend. Afterwards, he took off his condom, looked me sweetly in the eyes for a few moments, then decided to slap me in the face with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 321

You deserved it 6 293

By maxiflouf - 28/12/2008 09:50 - France

Today, someone I used to know got in touch with me, after I hadn't heard from him in years. He insisted that we met up as soon as possible, and wanted me to go to his house that afternoon. I spent the afternoon repairing his computer. Since then, no news. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 757

You deserved it 2 913

By Tallow101 - 23/07/2009 07:10 - United States

Today, I asked my parents to sign for me to enlist in the military. They asked me how much money the government gives them if I die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 747

You deserved it 6 630

Like what you've done with the place

By me. - 29/08/2012 04:19 - United States - Roseau

Today, I came home from work to find my house was flooded from a broken pipe under the sink. My house had just recently had new wood floors, carpet and electrics installed because 6 months earlier my house had been flooded by the same pipe breaking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 074

You deserved it 2 901

Thanks mom

By Anonymous - 14/02/2021 14:01 - Colombia

Spicy

Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 89

By Gasman - 15/07/2017 15:30 - New Zealand

Today, I was sitting in the doctor's waiting room and thought that I was alone. I let rip 2 massive farts before realising there was a very short woman behind the computer screen at the desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 467

You deserved it 3 059

Indeed

By Anonymous - 12/04/2021 21:30

Spicy

Today, my mother suffered a stroke and had to be hospitalized. In order to drive him to the hospital, I actually had to find my father, who never answers any phone calls or messages and is rarely home. I found out on the spot that he was cheating on my mother. What an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 163

You deserved it 62

By Happy Birthday - 10/07/2018 15:00

Today, my Dad gave me my birthday card. The envelope was blank, as was the card, and the £0.25 price tag was still on. He was fully aware of all these things, but handed it to me and said, "By the way, I didn't write anything." Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 506

You deserved it 234

By full moon - 08/09/2016 02:37 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, it was the first day of school, and I split my pants. In a full class. While on a stage. I'm the teacher, and I wasn't wearing underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 905

You deserved it 8 964

By C. Kronick - 11/02/2009 05:24 - United States

Today, my boyfriend started affectionately calling me "Burt Reynolds" because I wax my upper lip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 863

You deserved it 5 446

By Liz - 09/06/2011 04:21 - United States

Spicy

Today, I thought an attractive guy was looking at my tits instead of my face, and prepared to act offended and perhaps flirt. Unfortunately, he was actually looking at the peeling and flaking sunburn in my cleavage, and informed me that Aloe might be helpful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 177

You deserved it 42 499

By lolatmylife - 22/08/2014 06:02 - United States

Today, my boyfriend sent me pictures of him and his family on their trip in Florida. He accidentally included a picture of a girl sleeping in his bed, naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 795

You deserved it 4 017

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Saturday 16 October 2010 8:54

you sick person. poor dog.

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Saturday 16 October 2010 9:03

Did they save you cake in a doggie bag?

Comments

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Saturday 16 October 2010 8:54

you sick person. poor dog.

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Saturday 16 October 2010 9:11

I agree

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Saturday 16 October 2010 9:16

I agree too.. Op ytdi.

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Saturday 16 October 2010 9:19

Fucking OP, dogs have feelings too!

Fumo 0

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Saturday 16 October 2010 9:24

OP, you are a dick. I hope your dog shits in your bed.

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Saturday 16 October 2010 9:29

that's why you should of gotten a hamster or a baby koala bear.

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Saturday 16 October 2010 9:29

you bastard !

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Saturday 16 October 2010 9:31

what the hell is wrong with you? you might as well just commit suicide.

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Saturday 16 October 2010 9:35

shame on you OP, U should be hanged for such atrocious deed

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Saturday 16 October 2010 9:40

lol

Thawn 0

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Saturday 16 October 2010 9:50

35. it's called a Koala! not a 'Koala Bear' !!

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Saturday 16 October 2010 9:56

either way troll

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Saturday 16 October 2010 10:31

you guys shoulda went. it was a blast!

MissErikaHart 0

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Saturday 16 October 2010 10:49

yea I heard snoop dogg was there

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Saturday 16 October 2010 10:58

Hahaha, bravo! so funn---Get the fuck out of here MissErika.

tweetbaby14 18

Saturday 16 October 2010 12:24

some people just try much too hard... and OP it's just a stupid dog if you really are that mad then make it "run away" or just take it out back and shoot it.

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Saturday 16 October 2010 14:29

I hope someone shoots you tweetbaby

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Saturday 16 October 2010 14:34

stupid dog? maybe they have feelings, you should try getting some.

surferchick96 0

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Saturday 16 October 2010 14:46

dude ikr! u totallyyyyy deserved it for not carring about ur own puppy!!!

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Saturday 16 October 2010 15:03

Wow #72! Feeling trollish today, are we?

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Saturday 16 October 2010 15:23

well, we're on the Internet. :D

MissErikaHart 0

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Saturday 16 October 2010 16:25

61, go stand in front of the mirror and take pics like a girl

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Saturday 16 October 2010 16:39

ydi for leaving your own dog alone on his/her birthday :(

Icyyy 0

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Saturday 16 October 2010 16:45

Yea, that's ruff. :o

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Sunday 17 October 2010 2:43

yea this guy is an ungrateful little bastard shame on you

josiejealousy 0

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Sunday 17 October 2010 5:50

poor little puppy :(

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Sunday 17 October 2010 7:15

make it up to it and perform beastiality. works every time

Thawn 0

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Sunday 17 October 2010 19:06

I ain't trollin mate. I'm an Aussie who takes it seriously.

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Sunday 17 October 2010 19:16

why would u throw ur DOG a birthday party?? I haven't had one in 12 years

OhMyHolyBalls 0

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Sunday 17 October 2010 23:22

You sure missed out, OP. That party was wild!

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Monday 18 October 2010 6:27

well " mate " it's said both ways. why does it matter anyway?

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Saturday 16 October 2010 8:54

Haha, gg man

underguarded 20

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Saturday 16 October 2010 11:50

gg?

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Saturday 16 October 2010 15:20

good game or some crap like that.

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Saturday 16 October 2010 16:26

It's maple story! :0

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Sunday 17 October 2010 4:37

eat the dog! I dare you hahahahah

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Sunday 17 October 2010 17:12

i just hate idiots like you who keep using it wrong.

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Saturday 16 October 2010 8:55

fourth!

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Saturday 16 October 2010 9:12

you bastard !

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Saturday 16 October 2010 8:55

you should show love to your bitch!

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Saturday 16 October 2010 8:55

Well... now the dog wont come to your party! jeez. selfish people these days.

SeasonedLemur 5

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Saturday 16 October 2010 9:05

hahaha you should have gone dog birthdays are the best! you get to drink from a bowl eat off the floor and shit in the garden.

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Saturday 16 October 2010 11:20

nice!!

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Saturday 16 October 2010 8:57

wow what a bitch! you dont go to ur own dogs birthday? how kind. ytdi!

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Saturday 16 October 2010 11:06

you have beautiful eyes mama

kxd 0

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Saturday 16 October 2010 8:58

ydi for having a dog

SeasonedLemur 5

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Saturday 16 October 2010 9:07

WRONG! dogs are awesome cats suck balls

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Tuesday 13 June 2017 18:18

I agree with SeasonedLemur

p3rfect_ins4nity 0

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Saturday 16 October 2010 9:54

YDI for fucking urself from the beginning, shouldn't have gone to all the other bday and u wouldn't be in this situation!

peachezthelette 20

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Saturday 16 October 2010 8:58

Lmfao

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Saturday 16 October 2010 9:00

Now I hope ur dog shits all over ur bedroom.

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Saturday 16 October 2010 9:02

Poor dog, it was his special day and you ruined it. Way to go!

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Saturday 16 October 2010 10:56

That has got to be one of the most beautiful dogs I've ever seen. Sorry, just had to say something.

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Saturday 16 October 2010 18:08

that is a beautiful dog o.o

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 15

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38

You deserved it 19

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 498

You deserved it 137

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 791

You deserved it 236