Today, I got food poisoning and have had the worst diarrhea ever. I laid down in bed, hoping to get some rest when my dad thought it'd be a good idea to sneak into my room and scare the shit out of me. Literally. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I have an awful stomach virus. I can only drink liquids and can't eat anything solid, especially anything spicy. My dad forced me to eat the fajitas he'd made for dinner and screamed at me when I told him I couldn't, then screamed at me again for "wasting food" when I predictably threw up all over the floor. FML
Today, while very sick, throwing up in a bucket beside my bed, my dad came in pushed my face into the bucket. For a laugh, apparently. FML
Today, I heard my dad screaming in the hallway. Thinking he was having a heart attack I ran to the hall without looking where I was going. I slipped and slid towards my dad in what turned out to be a mass quantity of diarrhea from one of my two dogs. He was screaming because he stepped in it. FML
Today, I was in bed with the stomach flu. My boyfriend thought it would be funny to fart in the fan next to our bed, which caused me to vomit all over myself. FML
Today, I was taking a dump, when my dad shouted for me to go wash the dishes. Fed up with his constant shit, I told him to bite me. He took this as an invitation to wedge the bathroom door shut for nearly two hours, despite all my pleas and apologies. FML
Today, my dad set the smoke alarm off at 6 a.m. as a "practice drill." I was woken up so suddenly, I fell out of bed into the bucket of sick I had been throwing up into the night before due to flu. Dad yelled at me for not getting out of the house in time. FML
Today, I was suffering from food poisoning and had constant diarrhea, along with feeling nauseous. I couldn't hold my vomit in and rushed to the toilet, but due to the pressure, I pooped while still in pajamas. FML
Today, I was sleeping because I had been sick. The closest bathroom to mine is the one in my parents room. I wake up and feel like I have to throw up, I run into my parents room to go to the bathroom. I walk in on my parents having sex. Shocked, I gasp for air then throw up all over their bed. FML
Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's place with grumbling stomach pains. I left him in bed to go have explosive diarrhea in the bathroom next to his room. When I was done, I came back to bed and snuggled in next to his sleeping body. He rolled over to whisper, "I heard everything." FML
Today, I crawled into my mom's room to tell her my stomach was in massive pain. She ended up throwing me out of the room while spraying me with Lysol. My appendix was about to burst and I needed surgery. FML
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Top comments
iHyuMeng 0
He tried to scare the bad stuff out of you all at once , but then again FYL.
hyefedyee 0
If I were u I'd start thinking about how to get him back maybe u can literally scare the shit out of him :p
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Comments (127)
dickeroodles 0
YDI for getting food poisoning
aardvarkish 17
you should copyright this before King of the Hill writes it in
Turbolag25 7
roflroflroflroflroflrofl lolcatz all over the floor
twat_waffle15 0
Ehh...I call fake ^.^ i've seen the "i'm throwing up/crapping myself at the same time" FML like four or five times already, and I never even check out FML that oftenly. Besides, these kinds of FMLs are gross and disturbing and why would u post something like that on the internet for ppl to comment on?? I fthis happens to be one of the real ones, sorry OP... but if this is fake, then **** the OP's life for feeling the need to post fake, un-funny shit on a website they prbly visit all the ******* time.
xundria 5
Lol @ 31. Plan b is expensive though.
bfffness 0
haha cool dad
nep12 0
snick is actually probably a 60yo weirdo enjoying people trashing on him
Gstone5 0
hahaha you gotta admit you have a fun father lol, i wish my dad did tht kind of stuff from time to time.
applz_fml 0
u deserve falling n a ditch 4 bein so gosh darn annoying
buttshapedfruit 0
lmfao!!! ew!! haha