Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend. It turned out that my genius cat realized it wasn't me there and attacked his balls, severely cutting them. I now have to kill my cat and pay for his medical bills to sew his balls back. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was jerking off when my cat jumped out of nowhere and dug his claws into my shaft. Attempting to knock him away resulted in three nasty gashes… that I now have to explain to my wife. FML
Today, I took my wife's cat to the vet for her yearly check up. I'm finishing the day at the hospital with multiple bite wounds and a deep gash in my leg. My wife chose to comfort her cat instead. FML
Today, I didn't see the cat in the bathroom before I took my pants down, and the beast tore open my ballsack. The doctor says I might lose my left testicle, depending on how the surgery goes. FML
Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML
Today, despite me not liking cats, which my wife knew, she got a cat anyway. Her cat went for a walk outside and was hit by a car. I rushed outside to help the cat but found she was already dead, and the culprit had driven away. When my wife found out that her cat was dead, she thought I'd killed her. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML
Today, my husband staggered home after a night of drinking. He was too intoxicated to find the toilet so he started to pee in the cat's litter box. Apparently, he was invading her territory and she attacked him. His scream as she bit and scratched him must have woken the whole world. FML
Today, I was having a romantic evening with my new boyfriend, until we walked into my bedroom and discovered that my cat had ripped apart my pads and had spread them all over the place. FML
Today, my cat was sleeping on me while I was laying in bed. I had to use the washroom, so I pushed him off. Except he used my testicles as a way to latch on to me, through my underwear. Let's just say, after having to change the sheets due to blood, I'm considering wearing a jockstrap. FML
Today, my wife and I had to rush our dog to the vet for a $700 emergency surgery. The x-ray showed that he had eaten a vibrating cock ring. I've never bought or owned one, so now I've got to deal with the vet bill and lawyer's fees for my soon-to-be ex-wife. FML
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Top comments
Murn 0
That cat is a hero.
frenchmanfresh_fml 5
Genius cat !
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Comments (522)
sweetwargasm 0
seriously. u can sue the guy for trespassing. divorce and sue your wife for adultery. and argue that your cat was defending your property from potential threats like any good house animal does. cause the guy was an intruder that was trespassing anyway. and if u give in and don't save the cat. then u deserved it all apparently cause u r a pussy
SLWatcher_fml 1
Cats against doggy style unite!
Phorenzix 0
i'd love to believe this, but it sounds thoroughly implausible.
lsousa 0
take him to court over the cat cause a judge we probly say he deserves it and let your wife have the man with no balls
Kaylaaaaaa 6
That is insane! You shouldn't have to put down an animal for that.. the man deserves it. end of story.
Passenger7775 0
Kill your wife and give your friends balls to the cat to play with
2dove 0
that cat is a ****** hero!!!! my suggestion isto divorce that *****-ass ho and shove his ballsac down his throat.
Alora22 0
Personally, I think you should tell that bastard to suck your perfectly unharmed ball sack, because you're not gonna pay him for ******* your wife and getting caught. **** him.
gtrgdss 0
keep the cat. get rid of the wife. don't pay the bill.
ajmb88 0
haha your stupid if u pay. **** that keep the cat and bounce then swing back later and finish his halls off with a baseball bat