Today, I went shopping with a friend. She picked up a hundred dollars on the floor that somebody dropped. I told her, "I feel sorry for the retard who dropped the money." When I got home, I checked my purse and realized that I was missing a hundred dollars. FML

Today, I found a $10 bill on the ground. I got so excited and felt like I was the richest person alive. That was, until the wind blew it out of my hand, never to be seen again. FML

Today, I decided to be a generous guy and slip a dollar from my pocket to a beggar. Turns out I'd slipped my hard-earned $100 bill instead. FML

Today, I found $100 on the ground. My mom is taking $40 because she was there. FML

No good deed and all that

Today, I found a wallet on the sidewalk and spent an hour tracking down the owner. When I finally returned it, he opened it, counted the cash in front of me, and asked if I was sure there hadn't been more money in it. FML

Grab it while you can

Today, I was walking through a rich part of the city and saw 2 dollars on the ground. I didn't pick it so people wouldn't think I was poor. FML

Today, I found $20 on the ground. I'm so broke, this is the first time in 3 months that I've had any disposable income. FML

Today, I went to a carnival. While walking around with my cousin, I saw a one hundred dollar bill on the ground. Just before I stepped on it, a man grabbed it. His words? "Don't you just hate it when that happens?" And he walked away. FML

I did everything right and…

Today, I found a wallet on the sidewalk and tracked down the owner through social media. They thanked me, met me to pick it up, opened it, and immediately asked where the $20 bill had gone. There had never been a $20 bill. FML

Lucky day

Today, I was cleaning my apartment when I found a €20 note underneath the sofa cushion. I was pretty happy until I remembered I'd lost €20 a few days earlier and spent an hour looking for it. I'd finally found my own money and felt lucky about it. FML