By MeAgainDr... - 13/11/2015 05:24 - Australia - South Perth

Today, I finally got to a point where I could ask my mother about how enthusiastically she used to beat me. First sentence out of her mouth was, "It didn't change your behaviour, but it did make me feel better." FML
I agree, your life sucks 26 422
You deserved it 2 248

Same thing different taste

Top comments

Maddelye 8

so she's still kind of a cold hearted one


I'm so sorry to hear about that op, I am against child abuse, that can scarre a kids life emotionally and physically

#1 pretty sure the only people NOT against child abuse are child abusers...

I've been a victim twice, and the first time was before I was even six, between the age of 5 and 7. I still get times where I can't sleep because of it, I avoid all violence because it reminds me of pain.

#37 what I meant was that some people think it's ok and that the parent is "behaving" their child

Tenker 25

#66 There's a big difference between "behaving" their child and abusing them

so she's still kind of a cold hearted one

Well, cold hearted as that may be, at least she owns up to it. My mother beat me up an threatened to kill me quite often, but since she was a single mother and I have no siblings nobody actually saw it. The few times I've tried to talk to her about it as an adult, she vehemently denied doing anything of that kind. At some point I was seriously questioning my sanity because she kept on insisting that it never happened. At the same time my memories are really precise.

I'm sorry about that man, your mom sounds like she could be mentally, and in the past, physically abusive. I don't think you should respect people like that. She doesn't sound like a real mother.

Don't let her make you question yourself, she denies it and she doesn't have the balls to admit one over a parent she was. my mom did the same shit to me, and only once or twice has she ever admitted to it; the rest of the time she denies it or downplays everything to make it seem like an over exaggeration on my part. I did the same thing, started to doubt myself after hearing so many denials. Luckily she so psychotic she would do it in front of other family members. Although they wouldn't step in to help, they have verified my memories as a child. I'm so sorry that you went through this, and same to you, OP. It's unfortunate, but just because you can biologically and physically HAVE a child doesn't mean your fit to be an actual parent.

awildwhisper 30

:( what a cold-hearted response. Sounds like someone you don't need in your life op!

I'm really really sorry that, that has happened to you, did she change or is she sober? Either way after saying something like that my mom would no longer be my mom.

What would she become - a sister? I'm really curious.

GloUp_fml 18

I don't think he meant it like that , probably just wouldn't talk to her anymore. unless that was sarcasm and I didn't detect it.

Maddelye 8

Women abuse too, sorry you had deal. Cut that her out of your life she's deadweight

Woah, your mother phtsically abused you as a child, because it made her feel BETTER? That's ******* disturbing, man.

And it happens to thousands every day. I'm one of those people myself.

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You're not supposed to feel better after hitting your child, even if it was just as a disciplinary measure. That's just wrong. It sounds like sadism, which would be all kinds of ******-up.

#13 Do you really mean every thing you speak off? His mother might be kidding you know!

a lot of children these days have no respect and a sense of entitlement.... respect is earned. that's it. you don't get it for being old or a parent or anything else. and it;s funny that the generation of people with the most student debt, a big chunk of people working multiple jobs, in the worst job market for a while, are called entitled.

GloUp_fml 18

#18, Why would she joke about something like that? either way it's ****** up so **** OP's life.

#19. I disagree about respect needing to be earned. I think respect should be the default state, and it can be lost if someone does something that is very wrong. So respect everyone unless they give you a reason not to respect them anymore.

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I agree with #9 I was spanked as a kid because that's the only thing that I would respond to. I don't think there is anything wrong with a good old-fashioned spanking. it isn't child abuse.

But he didn't say spank. The OP didn't say spank, they said beat. There's a big difference there.

Personally I think if you need to resort to lashing out at a child to teach them how to behave (except when you're stopping them from behaviour that would harm them) you probably need outside help. As a parent you set an example to them, I would't want to teach my child that you need violence and fear to get your way. Either way, I think it's important to be in control of your actions when disciplining a child, if you're doing it because you enjoy it you're not in control.

25, no, that's common decency, not respect. respect goes beyond that other person, no, nobody has the default respect state of 'WELL I DESERVE RESPECT BECAUSE I BIRTHED YOU' when that kid didn't have a choice in the matter. Birthing a kid does not make a good parent

But this has evidently damaged OP (username) so I doubt it was the occasional spank for misbehaving. What his mother does here, besides admitting she got i dunno tension relief from *beating* her kid, she also lays the responsibility for being beaten on OP. It's NOT ok to spank, hit, or beat a kid for accidentally breaking something, or making mistakes, or having childish lapses in judgment. Maybe OP was a little shit, or maybe his mother was insane and intolerant of kids being kids (messing up, occasionally being smart asses). If his mother was volatile and resorted to physical punishment at minor things (no pun intended) then F her, and F Op's life. PS. If it isn't okay to strike a partner for doing stupid shit, why is it okay to hit a child?

I believe spanking is a legitimate form of punishment and not child abuse when done correctly- but this is beating. You should NOT be getting any happy or calming feelings from hitting your child. You should be calm while doing it, if you hit them angrily it's most likely it's not just a light spanking to correct behavior. Not to mention I believe op when they said beat, I have no reason not to especially with the mothers reply. And finally: children are different. Some kids might respond very badly to spanking, for some it might be the only thing that works. There's no ONE way to raise a child, they are different and will respond differently to different tactics.

This, so much, 19. People often expect respect, like the elderly, but why? Respect is indeed earned. Though like someone says here common decency is indeed expected as a default. But if your parents don't respect you, why would you respect them?

9—OP's mom said explicitly that it didn't change his behavior, therefore this was not an effective punishment to keep using. It sounds like the only reason OP's mom was spanking him was to relieve her stress and emotions, not as punishment or behavior modification tool. In that case, it is 100% NOT discipline (I don't think spanking is ever an effective punishment/discipline tool, but regardless, this was not disciplinary). If anything, the spanking was probably making the behavior worse. Basic child psychology: child wants positive attention, doesn't get it, so settles for negative attention. Behavior grows worse. It's even possible OP sensed relief or lower stress in his mother after the beatings/spankings, which would further encourage negative behavior on his part. Mom should have figured out another strategy. Growing up in that kind of household dynamic can seriously warp a child and set a bad precedent for that child's future relationships.

49, I couldn't agree more. I was spanked as a child and I firmly believe that spanking is a good form of discipline. With that said, not all kids need spankings, some respond perfectly to time outs and other methods and spankings should probably only be used on those that don't respond to other forms of discipline. As I said I was spanked as a child, and when I was spanked I was always sent to my room to "think about what I'd done." I always thought that was the real reason, but when I got older I found out it was only part of the reason, the other part was because my parents never wanted to spank me while they were still upset. They always wanted to make sure they were calm and were doing it for the right reasons. A parent should never feel good about spanking their child. My parents used to say "this hurts me more than it hurts you" which I always hated, but I now know what they meant by saying it. They definitely didn't enjoy spanking me, and because they did spank me (which I only needed a few times) I usually didn't repeat the behaviour that caused it, I immediately knew it was unacceptable behaviour. Anyways, point being, yes spanking can be used as a form for discipline. No you shouldn't enjoy spanking your kid. Yes op was beaten and his mom is a bit crazy.

One of my favourite quotes is about that: "Being polite to a person is not a signt of respect for them, it is merely a sign of a good upbringing and a balanced nature" - Brandon Sanderson through A Memory of Light.

You've obviously never been abused or you would not be making such ridiculous ignorant comments. Smh.

He didn't say Spanky send beat. Obviously you don't know you're talking about are you going to make such ignorant comments no you don't respect somebody when they beat CHILDREN because it makes THEM feel better. What the **** is wrong with you, and everyone else on here who is talking about respect for your parents? when OPs mom obviously have no respect for them, their safety or their mental health, why should OP respect their mom? When somebody beat you for their own personal pleasure, you tend to lose respect for them. Astonishing, I know. Smh. Sense of entitlement? Sorry, not sorry, but I feel everybody's entitled to grow up without being beat for someone else's pleasure.

Xandrick 22

Physical discipline should be a LAST RESORT, if even that.