Today, I finally got into a yoga class with the instructor I've been crushing on for 2 years. As he walked closer to greet me, I lifted my leg over my head into a full split, and queefed obnoxiously loud. He responded with his gag reflex. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, for the first time, a good looking guy was in my yoga class. Today also marked the first time I farted during yoga class. FML
Today, in dance class, the instructor asked me to demonstrate the splits to the group. I slid down, my legs opening wider as I descended. I then loudly farted for the full 5 seconds it took to reach the ground. FML
Today, we were doing stretches in dance class where you are on your hands and doing the splits in the air while your partner helps hold you and stretch your legs further. Right as I lift my left leg up, I farted hugely right in my partner's face. I couldn't make eye contact for the rest of class. FML
Today, I let out the most horrific, loudest, and most vile smelling fart I have ever had in my life while in the middle of yoga class. Out of embarrassment, I tried to lessen the tension in the silent room by giggling, but no one saw the funny side. I was given looks of horror, and avoided by everyone else for the rest of the class. FML
Today, I went to the gym and accidentally farted during yoga class. Everyone looked at me and the instructor said, "Let's all take a moment to appreciate the power of core strength." FML
Today, I went to a yoga class for the first time in a few years. When I went to change afterwards, I realized I'd split my pants at some point during the class. I think I understand why the girls behind me were laughing so hard now. FML
Today, I was in yoga class. We were in downward-facing dog pose, and the male instructor stood behind me and gave me an assist/adjustment by pulling upward on my hips. As I left the class, I realized that was the most intimate touch I've ever received from a man. I'm a 25-year-old straight woman. FML
Today, at physical therapy, I felt that all-too-familiar gurgle in my gut, but I thought it would a light, silent fart. I squatted for an exercise and shit my pants in front of the cute, single, male physical therapist. He definitely noticed. I still had 30 minutes left in the session. FML
Today, I decided to push myself and go to a morning yoga class, despite suffering from horrible insomnia for the past few nights. During child’s pose, I fell dead asleep on my mat and only woke up because I ripped a comedically loud fart and startled myself. FML
Today, I took my first yoga class ever. Everything was going fine until it was time to stand up from the floor. My knees made a sound like snapping wood, my balance disappeared, and I nearly took out the lady next to me while trying to recover. She helped me up like I was part of her family. FML
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Top comments
Mandy_fml 0
Haha, that's hilarious! Sucks to be you.
nightswimmer 0
oooh that sucks, you shoulda said to him "it was you"
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Comments (256)
AshleyRose784 0
that's what you get for showing off and the numbering is different if you're on the computer vs the phone application. #35 was #2 on my screen
hunguponyou 0
Eat. Pray. Queef.
lawlfyl 0
:D Awesome reference
nxkftw 0
ugh.. thats so nasty. D: guhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
p00p0ster0us 0
Wow. I'm sorry. That really is a FML. On the plus side, you've got nowhere to go but up! So consider that the dude might have a sense of humor, and he might like you, and he might move on past the queef in a month or two.
dyingstart 0
Someone needs to look more into yoga philosophy and remember not to show off or compete.
glykoula09 0
excuse me, but I'm pretty sure queefs are one hundred times less audible than farts. how could he hear it unless he was face-to-vag?
Nena666 16
Ooooh, you are SO wrong there :/ They can be really loud. It's awful -_-
voveraite 7
Grrr, what is the average age of people posting here, for pete's sake? Embarassing? Yes. Gross? NO! it is just air trapped in a closed cavity, no smell, no nothing. Most women after intimacy queef a little when first getting up, and the *only* embarrassing thing about queefs is that it sounds like something else, which yes, is both rude and gross (coming from men as well, whether at a first date, or after 20 yrs of marriage)!. What makes me wonder, OP is that you chose a pretty original way of greeting him.
aback 5
You've got to keep in mind that guys anymore are so girly that they freak out and lose their erection if they see a pubic hair, so a queef is definitely going to frighten them.
Mandy_fml 0
haha! Legend ;D
ktbby 0
Are you a man or a woman?
elfuzzo 0
A queef is a ******-fart, so the OP is obviously a woman.
hugzandkisses666 0
plus it even says woman
LuvPink 0
omg that's my worst nightmare!!!! sucks that happened to you :/
Sturmeh 0
Scuse me "#35" is rightfully #2 on the iPhone App, forgive his ignorance.