Love: Today, I finally convinced my girlfriend to let me give her a... - FML

By anon80214 - 30/05/2011 19:15 - United States

Today, I finally convinced my girlfriend to let me give her a foot massage after she had a long day at work. Halfway through, she fell asleep. Wanting to see how ticklish she actually was, I started to tickle her feet. She then kicked me straight in the nuts whilst sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 945

You deserved it 63 525

anon80214 tells us more.

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Friday 29 July 2011 23:26

Yeah, I probably did deserve that one.

Compromises

Good kid

This Charming Man

By kallens - 15/01/2009 23:08 - United States

Today, I was at Target with my mom. After 10 minutes of my mom walking around looking confused, I said, "Mom, what are you looking for? I worked at this place for 4 years, I know where everything is." My mom was looking for KY. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 732

You deserved it 2 785

Got game

By ewww - 05/07/2020 17:01

Today, I went to visit my grandma at her old folks’ home. The soup she got for lunch was cold so I took it to the dining room to heat it up. As I put it in the microwave, a slow clap started behind me. I had to stand and wait for soup to heat while being wolf-whistled by a bunch of grandpas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 581

You deserved it 219

By Anonymous - 03/03/2017 12:00

Today, I was stuck in a window seat next to the biggest/angriest man I've ever seen. During the trip I reached down to pick up what I thought was my pillow but instead managed to pull off his huge sock. Couldn't put it back so had to pretend I had no idea why he was glaring at me when he woke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 836

You deserved it 942

By D.J. - 25/01/2014 01:34 - United States - Houston

Today, I ran into my apartment and let one rip, since I'd been holding it the whole elevator ride up. My parents had let themselves in while I was out, and laughed at me for a good 20 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 834

You deserved it 6 492

By Anonymous - 07/11/2013 22:21 - United Kingdom - Derry

Today, everything that was beautiful and pure in my life turned into a terrible, warped version of what it once was. Today, I lost all hope and no longer believe that life, although sometimes shitty, is sweet and worth living. Today, I met my mother-in-law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 600

You deserved it 5 896

By 404: fuck not given - 23/11/2014 16:34 - United States - Saint Louis

Spicy

Today, I started to get horny while watching TV with my husband. I tried turning him on by telling him I wanted his cock. He cheerfully replied without looking away from the TV, "If only I gave a fuck, babe, if only I gave a fuck!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 908

You deserved it 5 556

By Anonymous - 23/04/2016 02:22 - United States - Lawrenceville

Today, my boyfriend wrote me a love letter saying about how much he cares for me, how he'd die for me and how he wants to spend his life with me. What really took my breath away was the confession at the end about how he "accidentally" cheated on me with my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 038

You deserved it 1 583

It's complicated

By Anonymous - 23/04/2021 22:02 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my partner of 5 years broke up with me via text. We were talking about starting a family just last week. We have a foster puppy together and moved into a new house a month ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 036

You deserved it 82

Chuck E. Cheese awaits

By mama’s boy - 31/10/2019 00:01

Today, I realized just how spoiled and immature my boyfriend is when I asked him several times what he’d like for dinner. Getting no answer, I made steak, potatoes and salad. He then sulked and refused to eat it, since he wanted spaghetti and meatballs instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 157

You deserved it 381

By ashleyevans - 04/04/2009 14:45 - United States

Today, my friend and I went to a really expensive restaurant. We got really bad service, so halfway through the meal we decided to dine-and-dash. Turns out I left my purse in the restaurant. With my I.D. and everything inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 973

You deserved it 191 645

By Anonymous - 04/07/2009 20:21 - United States

Today, after spending two days cleaning my car inside and out, I had to pick up my brother when his truck died in the mountains, on a dirt road. He was drunk. I now have a car covered in mud and filled with vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 382

You deserved it 3 125

By anonymous - 11/04/2009 13:23 - United States

Today, as I was walking into CVS, two older men outside said to me "Young lady, please consider us on your way out." Thinking they were hitting on me, I rolled my eyes and said "Screw you." When I walked back outside, I realized they were asking for AIDS donations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 505

You deserved it 86 114

By notcountry! - 27/06/2019 02:30

Today, even though my mom’s only ever been to the south once, she’s completely obsessed with talking with a bad, overly exaggerated southern accent. Not to mention constantly prattling off random nonsensical country phrases. We’re from and still live in California, nowhere near any country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 578

You deserved it 151

By Anonymous - 11/03/2010 22:44 - United States

Today, while at the dog park, I suddenly had to use the bathroom really badly. Since there weren't any facilities nearby, I decided to go behind a tree and relieve myself there. While doing this, two other owners, one that's in my math class, noticed me, regardless of me hiding. She definitely saw everything. School will be fun tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 192

You deserved it 26 338

By Loveless - 20/07/2009 01:06 - United States

Today, I found out that just because your boyfriend asks you to marry him doesn't mean that he will show up at the wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 247 289

You deserved it 15 352

By HelpMe - 25/02/2014 09:59 - United Kingdom - Galashiels

Today, my mum asked me how the guinea pig was doing. We don't have a guinea pig. Turns out she had volunteered me to look after the next door neighbor's guinea pig when they were away and 'forgot' to tell me. They have been gone two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 868

You deserved it 3 825

Plans

By bitchface - 09/01/2010 04:08 - United States

Today, I looked at my father's Facebook for the first time in a month to see a status saying, "Making wedding plans!" Really? When was he planning on telling his own daughter? FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 820

You deserved it 3 043

By ohhhjaymo13 - 05/02/2011 05:58 - United States

Today, at work, I was told I was a failure. Feeling like crap, I went to my best friend to see if he could make me laugh. He told me that he felt obligated to hang out with me, so he thought that we shouldn't anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 610

You deserved it 3 349

By Classy Broad - 15/05/2019 22:15

Today, I learned that my hair color is classified as "Buttered Toast". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 315

You deserved it 271

By Anonymous - 08/03/2010 14:35 - United States

Today, I have a rash all over my face because yesterday my boyfriend broke up with me. Apparently, I am allergic to the something in the tissues with which I was blowing my nose and wiping away my tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 595

You deserved it 2 982

By Dogs loose - 02/03/2010 12:17 - France

Today, I found out that there's nothing like having to chase a 100-something lb. Bloodhound around the neighborhood when you're 8 months pregnant, with a 3 and 4 year old in tow. Especially when she runs the other way at the sight of you coming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 904

You deserved it 4 354

By anonynous - 27/06/2015 15:01 - United States - Charlotte

Today, while watching a family movie, my mother made every effort to make sure I covered my eyes during a kissing scene. I guess it shouldn't be a surprise, since she still forces me to put my phone in her room every night as she makes me go to bed at 8:30 PM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 623

You deserved it 3 611

Run, run away pronto

By Anonymous - 22/01/2021 08:01

Today, my fiancé yelled at me after I got off the phone with my friends, because I said I hadn't felt this happy and hadn't laughed this much in a long time. He was also mad that I didn't cook him dinner. He didn't ask me to cook dinner for him. He then told me to go somewhere else if I'm not happy with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 118

You deserved it 163

By Noname - 12/02/2009 06:00 - United States

Today, I went to a movie with my boyfriend. In the lobby, I asked why the glasses were not working. I said, "Do they only work inside the theater?" My boyfriend replied, "3-D glasses just work inside the movie, everything else in the World is pretty much 3-D." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 409

You deserved it 134 750

By zed - 09/09/2012 17:21 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I took a girl out to dinner. Halfway through, she sighed and asked if it was all an episode of Disaster Date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 866

You deserved it 3 084

Word of the day

By Maryann - 19/03/2021 05:01

Today, my four year-old daughter asked me what the word “necrophilia” means. I have no idea where she even heard that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 823

You deserved it 67

By Davios - 24/09/2009 04:34 - United States

Today, I moved in with an older gentleman renting out a room. Tonight, he had a domestic dispute with his girlfriend who threw a lawn chair at my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 063

You deserved it 2 339

By Anonymous - 25/04/2009 06:52 - United States

Today, I was in an elevator with my family and a family I didn't know. I was about to press the number when somebody came up behind me. I thought it was my brother trying to press the number first, so I aggressivly pushed him out of the way. Turns out it was the other family's ten year old son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 952

You deserved it 61 208

Still a better love story than The Matrix

By Anonymous - 15/08/2021 20:01 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, my wife quit her job, not wanting to go back to in person at her office, to be a stay-at-home mom. Tomorrow, for my birthday, I was going to tell her that I'm not in love with her, have found an apartment, and signed a 2-year lease. I can't afford the apartment, mortgage, and the kids tuition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 367

You deserved it 1 414

By karmamaybe - 03/12/2012 20:35 - United States - Vermillion

Today, I was slapped across the face by a girl in the waiting room at the dentist's office. She thought I was taking a picture of her breasts with my phone. I was smiling while reading other people's FMLs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 617

You deserved it 3 688

By Godfree - 25/02/2009 06:19 - United States

Today, I was walking to a meeting and saw two girls trying to jump start a car in the rain. Thinking I'd be a gentleman and help them, I offered to assist. The girl whose car is broken down looks at me, looks at her friend, and says, "I think we'd better call the police." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 792

You deserved it 3 213

By Loveless - 23/08/2009 00:43 - United States

Today, after my partner of two years broke up with me, I decided to have a heart to heart with my mother about it. Her advice was to clean the house. I asked how that would make me feel better. She said that she wasn't sure, but at least the house would be clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 321

You deserved it 4 574

By really - 01/11/2014 01:16 - United States

Today, my parents told me they don't think I'll ever find a boyfriend, and insist on referring to my future cats as their "grandkids". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 748

You deserved it 3 227

By Username - 23/03/2011 16:16 - Japan

Today, I quit my job and sent a mass mail on Facebook that I was moving to a different state with my long time boyfriend. He called me later that night to tell me we aren't moving after all. Now we are both jobless with loads of bills to pay by the end of the month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 674

You deserved it 23 029

By superman21 - 28/09/2014 22:55 - Ireland

Today, I'm on the last day of my honeymoon in Ireland. My wife and I have an amazing hotel room and a huge bed. She's passed out drunk and if I even touch her, she needs the bucket next to our bed. So much for finishing our week on a "fun" note. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 233

You deserved it 6 537

By Kid - 17/03/2010 09:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I bullied a kid at school, just so someone would talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 031

You deserved it 80 235

By FrozenAnonymus - 14/07/2016 18:05 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, I was laying on a couch with my dog watching TV when I heard my dog fart. I looked at her, she looked at me and started waving her tail, blowing it into my direction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 801

You deserved it 1 505

By Muffinhater - 24/12/2009 03:21 - United States

Today, I awoke at 5am to the smell of smoke and the sound of sirens. It seems the whole Santa Monica Fire Department had made it outside our apartment complex. We had to wake up every single person on our floor. What for? An old lady burned a muffin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 278

You deserved it 2 420

By Anonymous - 22/10/2013 16:47 - United States - Charlotte

Today, my best friend went in for her scheduled mammogram, and I sent her a text saying, "How're your boobies?" It was only after I sent it that I realized I'd sent it to my history professor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 373

You deserved it 13 138

By CatLady - 06/01/2014 19:20 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I brought up the subject of marriage with my boyfriend. His response was to shoot me with a nerf gun and laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 146

You deserved it 9 624

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 0:00

Chuck Norris would have dodged it.

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Monday 30 May 2011 23:57

That's awesome !

Comments

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Monday 30 May 2011 23:57

That's awesome !

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 0:00

always protect tha mcnuggets...

Feklfekl2222 32

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 0:00

go girlfriend is all I can say

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 0:01

right!

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 0:04

YDI for tickling her. Good job with the message though, that'll get you some brownie points!!!!

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 0:06

She has good instincts!

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 0:09

She's an undercover FBI agent!

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 0:11

^ Literally ;)

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 1:03

Never tickle a girl. We turn into ninjas.

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 2:30

were you tickling her with your nuts or something? lol. YDI!

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 3:36

*girlish giggle* lol yah YDI. lol. lmfao. hehehehehe. were you tickling her with your nuts?

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 3:54

Where did the thought come from of finding if you girlfriend was ticklish? when will that information ever be useful?

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 6:12

you need to murder her in the dream state and use extraction to figure out the combination. shit!!!?!?!

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 7:45

At least OP was a sweet boyfriend who gives his girl a massage :)

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Wednesday 1 June 2011 2:53

Nut check!

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Wednesday 1 June 2011 5:25

you can tickle her p****

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Wednesday 1 June 2011 10:30

You have to CONVINCE your gf to give her a massage...? Jeeez

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Wednesday 1 June 2011 17:17

Agree with #10 :)

Deeznutzhairy 7

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Monday 30 May 2011 23:58

then don't tickle her feet

whiteboy7thst 2

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 0:18

...with your nuts

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 1:15

Exactly. All of these tickling FMLs are YDIs. When you are ticklish, being tickled is horrible.

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 4:04

wat does YDI mean

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 4:31

111- Yoddling danish immigrants .

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 4:38

Looks like his gf won't be letting him massage her feet anymore....well....not like he'd want to after getting a swift kick in the nuts. You tickled her feet while she was sleeping so she forcefully 'tickled' your nuts while you had your guard down. As much as it pains me to say another man deserved that pain.......YDI

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 4:58

111-what does google do?

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 5:18

111 You did Ivanna. ö

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 5:58

yapping doggie inscents

california283 6

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 6:18

you dumb idiot

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 7:39

you deserved it

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 8:21

Not everyone goes out of their way to google everything 125. Especially when you have a huge forum of people, with atleast 1 person willing to give a real answer.

TaylorTotsYumm 10

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 15:41

Yiddish dandelion intestine.

tona01 16

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 16:22

young dangerous iguanas

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Wednesday 1 June 2011 4:25

yellow dragon incinerator

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Wednesday 1 June 2011 11:21

Yolanda died innocently

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Monday 30 May 2011 23:59

douche!

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 0:43

Whilst? say while, you sound almost ruh-tarded.

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 1:04

nice pic. haha and it goes with "ruh-tarded"

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 3:26

was whilst somewhere in my post

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 5:11

Foot fetish?

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 5:13

hmm..

Death_From_Above 0

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Monday 30 May 2011 23:59

that'll learn ya

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 1:31

Did you mean teach?

hellbilly205 17

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 2:42

^lol^^

basketballpro 0

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 4:31

silenthunter fail

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 5:29

No he didn't mean teach he meant learn!

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 13:40

You can not learn onto somebody it is an incorrect use of the verb.

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 14:01

dont you mean "teach you"

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 23:06

Lmao at the people freaking out. Its a interwebz thing where you don't use verbs and tenses correctly :D

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Thursday 2 June 2011 5:25

"wanting to see how tickilish she was" automatic YDI.

SkyHiLyfe_808 0

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Monday 30 May 2011 23:59

Moron.

unluckiestperson_fml 14

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 0:00

You should've expected that! See FMLs about it all the time.

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 0:00

Chuck Norris would have dodged it.

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 0:03

Chuck Norris would have known how ticklish his girlfriend really is just by intuition.

LaDeeDaDeeDaLaLi 0

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 0:22

^lol

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 1:35

chuck Norris is a fag

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 3:59

Chuck Norris would have round house kicked her back.

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 5:52

go on google and type in chuck Norris and click Im feeling lucky the suggestions : run away before chuck Norris finds you or type in a diffrent search option. You can not locate chuck Norris , chuck norris will find you and round house kick you in the face lmao

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 6:06

no way! cyanide And happiness fucks the way

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 6:42

who's Chuck Noris??

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 6:51

whos chuck norris?

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 7:09

Chuck Norris........is Chuck Norris.

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 7:11

Chuck Norris........is Chuck Norris.

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 9:17

157- never thought I'd see that question.. If I ever asked that, pretty sure my boyfriend would disown [email protected]

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 23:37

chuck Norris is the shit!

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Wednesday 1 June 2011 11:24

157: If you havent already, prepare to be tickled in your sleep by chuck norris

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 0:01

It is a good thing nobodies hands are ticklish huh. You would have been punched in the face.

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 0:08

I find that sometimes a kick to the nuts can even hurt more than a punch in the face.

epyk_pryncess 8

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 1:06

11, my hands are ticklish. so :P

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 9:20

peoples hands can be ticklish... *facepalm*

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 0:01

who tickles people who are asleep? creeper.

Stonedmanalex 0

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 2:58

i do that

EagorLuvsBigFoot 8

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 3:48

me too. maybe your just weird 12

basketballpro 0

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 4:34

creeper

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 5:22

Rebecca black..

nonamericandolla 6

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 7:00

it's nor creepy! it's funny

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 9:47

probably the same kind that fuck em while there asleep...

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Wednesday 1 June 2011 4:38

SSSSSSSSsssssssssssss- *BOOM*

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Tuesday 31 May 2011 0:03

Dude, she was sound asleep and you tickle her feet! You deserved it!

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 16

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 458

You deserved it 129

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 139

You deserved it 2 643