Today, I drove past a fragrant steakhouse and my mouth began to water and my stomach started rumbling, which would've been perfectly fine if it wasn't for the fact that I'm a vegan and an animal lover. My confused body craves burning flesh. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my family dragged me to a steakhouse, knowing full well I'm vegan. I sat there, with my sad little salad, watching as they stuffed themselves with burned animal flesh and laughed at me. They wonder why I hate them all. FML
Today, a barbecue joint opened near my apartment, close enough that I can smell the kitchen exhaust. I'm a vegan activist, so smelling animals being burned is a serious trauma for me. Now I either have to either move or constantly feel sick and depressed. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me the sauce he made for our dinner that was meat-based, trying to show me how nice meat is and stop me being a weirdo vegan. The reason I’m vegan is because my digestive system can’t handle animal protein. I’m writing this from the bathroom, vomiting myself to death. FML
Today, my landlady roasted a joint of beef and the whole house smelled wonderful. OK, even if I am a masochistic vegetarian and former omnivore, that was way beyond cruel. FML
Today, I was at my boyfriend's house for dinner with his family. His mom cooked up a steak dinner, except that I'm a vegan, but trying to be a good girlfriend, I forced it down. Upon his mother finding out I was a vegan, she called me "disloyal to my beliefs." FML
Today, I have to pretend to be vegan for a week while visiting my in-laws to avoid eating there. While they are absolutely wonderful, kind, loving people, their kitchen is absolutely disgusting, and their food handling habits are atrocious. I’m so hungry. FML
Today, I realized I've become a stereotypical militant vegan when I told a friend that we should start raising Lone Star ticks and dropping them around town so we could spread meat allergies and force people to eat vegan. FML
Today, after having been a vegetarian for 8 years because I'm opposed to cruelty to animals, I lost a bet and had to eat a whole cheeseburger. I loved it. FML
Today, I fed my husband a vegan beef burger so I could show him that it tastes exactly the same when he didn’t notice. He noticed on the first bite and spat it across the kitchen because he thought the meat had expired before I cooked it, and tasted disgusting. FML
Today, my boyfriend spent half his paycheck on gourmet steaks, bacon, and all sorts of other meat. When I reminded him we were trying to go meatless to help the planet, he said, "Yeah, I'm done with that. The planet can burn." We'd only been vegan three days. FML
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Top comments
fortehlulocaust 6
PETA - People Eating Tasty Animals
hitmanoo 16
That's because vegetarian isn't a natural human condition. It's a learned social habit.
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Comments (122)
astack1 0
you should try it. I love animals just as much as you do if not more than any person. your body needs real protein. I love cows. I also believe them to be tasty
Mellye_fml 1
"Confused body"? Your body is acting in the natural way. You're just trying to deny natural law.
iMissFloppyDisk 0
That means your body isn't getting enough of what it needs. You should probably try to add more of the supplements to your diet. Your obviously lacking something. Do your research before trying to follow trends.
mattorama 15
God forbid you actually listen to your body and eat what it is flat out demanding you feed it. Your body's not confused, your brain is.
Jjhmomma 0
Actually the fragrance is probley just the spices since the smell of steak cooking isnt that strong.. Add spice to your lifestyle. Problem solved.
babyzann 0
You sound like a vampire!
jackrileymac 4
Eating meet is the shit... Vegans are stupid.
vaderfc 19
sucks to be you loser.