Fartini
Today, I discovered that alcohol makes me red-faced, extremely gassy and eager to discuss my virginity with everyone. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Anonymous
Today, I found out why I get so red all over at parties. Turns out I'm allergic to alcohol. FML
j
United States
Today, my wife told me alcohol gives me "increased confidence without increased ability." FML
Craig Thompson
Bristol, United Kingdom
Today, I found out that when I drink alcohol, I snore so bad my boyfriend contemplated suffocating me with a pillow to get some sleep. FML
wherermypants
Austin, United States
Today, I discovered that when I'm drunk, I hate wearing clothes. And it doesn't matter who is around to see it, not even my soon-to-be father-in-law. FML
Anna
United States
Today, it's my twenty first birthday. My biggest birthday surprise was discovering that I'm alcohol intolerant, by vomiting my first beer all over my boyfriend's mother. FML
Anonymous
Hangover
Today, I got really sick after drinking a lot of alcohol and started throwing up. Every time I threw up into the toilet, the water would splash back up into my face. FML
Anonymous
Ireland
Connaisseur
Today, I was on a date and I began pretending to know a lot about wine. I swirled the glass too hard under my nose and splashed red wine all over myself. I spent the rest of the date smelling like a bottle bank. FML
shartface12
San Jose, United States
Hair of the dog
Today, after a big house party the night before, I woke up with a dry mouth and a pounding hangover. I took a swig from a cup I'd left on my bedside table the night before, thinking it was water. Nope; it was vodka. FML
TragicallyAnxious
Today, I learned that drunk me from last night is apparently great at flirting. She also apparently flirted her way to a free bottle of white wine, only to shatter it on the kitchen floor at 2 a.m. How did I find out? Three words: glass in foot. FML
Anonymous
United States
Wine about it
Today, as a recovering alcoholic, I'm at a conference where letting loose is expected and, to a point, encouraged. I've been sober for 2.5 years and am pretty sure I managed to piss off just about everyone with how miserable I was listening to them describe my former favorite mixed drinks and shots. I miss wine. FML
Top comments
trucker2 33
Stay away from tequila- I heard tequila makes your clothes fall off
Tripartita 45
"I came /this/ close to losing my virginity to somebody I met at a high school party, but they just didn't look enough like my father. Discuss."
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Comments (18)
katiz99 1
You probably drank a beer or grain malt liquor l, or something either cheap or that doesn't agree with you. I can drink like anyone else, if not better, but give me one pabst or old miluakee, and I'll be ill for days!
Moerighan 23
Alcohol can make you do really stupid things.
zeeba_neighba 10
Depending on your intent, this could be a good thing! Your noxious emissions will help you protect your virginity. Most guys wouldn't want to sleep with Ms. Fartini.
molliekatz 6
that's both a blessing and a curse. of course being a virgin is a GOOD thing, but the fact that you babbled about it may have saved it that night lol. often gents at a party AVOID THE VIRGIN because they tend to be clingy afterwards and most of the time a guy feels badly about that. you should have a slight memory of that first time! Or on the other hand that person could just be the annoying drunk. choose whatever explanation fits in your case and roll with that lol just avoid getting ridiculous drunk in the future and you'll be able to hold back that babbling :) GOOD LUCK OP
caliguy08 17
There is a recipe for disaster
kujiens101 24
If alcohol makes you red-faced, that means your body cannot process the alcohol correctly and it is much much more dangerous for you to drink it.
randybryant799 21
So don't drink.