Money: Today, I convinced my father that "Juanito", our relative who...

By . - United States

Today, I convinced my father that "Juanito", our relative who needed money for immediate surgery in Mexico was a stranger attempting to scam him. I was $1400 too late. FML

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Money

Messed up

Sorry…

Weird kid

By Obee - Canada

Today, cops showed up at my apartment demanding to look inside. Satisfied with the search, they told me they had received a noise complaint. More specifically, hearing screams someone believed a girl was getting raped. I had two friends over and we had been wrestling. The three of us are male. FML

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By SchwesterGrimm

Today, a man sat next to me on a train carriage, despite various empty seats. During a weird conversation, I told him that I'm on my way back from London after seeing a friend from Germany there. He goes on to talk about Nazis and, with one arm in the air, asks me if he's doing the salute right. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Rhodes

Today, I told my husband that I'm tired of feeling like his "blow-up doll". His response was to honk my boob and make squeaking noises. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Pablo

Today, my fifteen year old son decided to tell his little five year old sister that Santa isn't real. She now refuses to talk to any of us and thinks "her whole life is a lie". FML

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By Craigslist is Evil. - United States - Dickson

Today, my ex-wife put my number on Craigslist as a gay fashion designer needing a one night stand. I only found out when I got a text from an unknown number asking me when was the last time I "ate a black anaconda". FML

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By skmusic - Canada

Today, the phone rang so I went to answer it. No one was there. A minute later the phone rang again and no one answered so I assumed it was a telemarketer or a prank so I started swearing uncontrollably in rage. Turns out it was my crush calling to ask me out, but she was too nervous to ask. FML

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By Lickmylovepump - United States

Today, my boyfriend insisted that we try phone sex. He started telling me all the things he wanted to do to me while breathing heavily. Unfortunately, it sounded so ridiculous, I burst out laughing. He hung up on me, and has refused to pick up since. FML

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By janesays - United States

Today, my 2 year old had a large booger blocking his nose so I pulled it out. I was on the phone and absentmindedly rolling it around between my thumb and pointer finger. I put it in my mouth and crushed it between my teeth for a solid minute before I remembered what it was. FML

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By pwndbykidz - Canada

Today, I found out the hot girl I'd been flirting with on Facebook is actually 3 10-year-olds who created a fake profile to see how many desperate losers would try to hook up with her. FML

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By hannax - United Kingdom - Southampton

Today, I was spending the night at my fiancé's house. He knew my period was about to start, so he asked if he needed to put a tarp down on the bed. He was dead serious. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I met my girlfriend's dad at a tennis game. I could tell he despised me from the start, but it only got worse when I played him. He smashed the ball at me and I went to hit it, but I missed and fell over, tearing my arm up on the gravel. He had a smirk on his face for the rest of the day. FML

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By Sally - United States

Today, my roommate came home and began changing clothes in the same room that my boyfriend and I were in. I quickly got annoyed and angry and when I began questioning her about it she just laughed while saying, "Oh relax, it's not like he's never seen me naked before." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, according to my girlfriend's instant messenger, which she left open on my laptop, I am her rough shag on the side while she searches for a guy who is husband material that her parents will approve of. I guess the engagement ring in my bag is going back to the shop. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I dreamt I had a secret admirer whom I met in person. She had red hair, a plus size body and a beautiful smile. This would've been great if it weren't for the fact I was a straight woman. FML

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By blarghhhh - United States - Owosso

Today, I woke up with the flu. My wife thinks I'm faking it so we don't have to go on date night, even though I've been on the toilet all day. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/4/2021 14:00

Alone time

Today, I had some unexpected alone time for the first time in months and decided to *ahem* play with an adult toy. As things were getting close to the end, my cat jumped up on the bed, saw the movement under the blanket and immediately pounced on my downstairs, puncturing certain delicate areas with his claws. FML

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By ouch - United States - Fullerton

Today, I was with a friend at the mall and I made eye contact and smiled at the worker at a smoothie stand that I went on a date with last year. He saw me, and then ducked down behind the register, where he remained while his coworker awkwardly leaned over him to take my order and money. FML

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By crb25453 - United States - Stafford

Today, I drove to my college campus for my 8 a.m. class, parked, walked the mile and a half to my classroom, just to find out class had been cancelled. The prof didn't send an email because she couldn't remember her password. I paid $1200 to be taught by this woman, who has a doctorate. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my fencing team took pictures for the yearbook. We were having individual pictures with our weapons, and it was my turn. When the photographer told me to pose, I tried to be super cool by quickly putting my sabre against my chest like some sort of soldier. I poked myself in the eye. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me for six months with my best friend of five years. After asking him what she had that I didn't, he responded with one word - "Boobies." FML

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By hitintheeye - Canada

Today, before my girlfriend gave me a blow job, she put on goggles. FML

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By GLHan - United States - Commack

Today, I asked my boss for a few days off next week, because my grandmother passed away yesterday and I'll need to travel to attend the funeral. His response: "She's dead, you're not. You want time off, then quit." FML

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By gassy - United States

Today, I had my new boyfriend come over. Within five minutes of him arriving, I accidentally let one rip. Shocked, I quickly tried to explain it away with, "That was my shoe." I was barefoot. FML

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By AlexK - United Kingdom

Today, I was browsing my computer to find naked pictures of my ex-girlfriend. I decided it'd be funny to photoshop a penis onto one of the pictures. I'm straight and the new picture turned me on more than before. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Manchester

Today, I was babysitting, and the family dog was unable to move, so I had texted the mother about it. We put the small dog on the couch to make it comfortable while the mother was on her way to get the dog and take it to the vet. Turns out, we sat with a dead dog for about ten minutes. FML

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By Pouya - United States

Today, it was my first day as a promoted manager. I got fired for being late. FML

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By Ren - United States - Medina

Today, I went shopping. At the counter, the cashier started flirting with me and asked me for my number. He was cute, so I gave it to him. After walking out of the store, I got a text that said, "I didn't want to say it out loud, but your pants are unzipped." FML

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By human lava lamp - United States - New Britain

Today, I was at the airport, when a lady came up and loudly asked if she could sit next to me. I have serious social issues, so to avoid having to talk to her, I pretended I was deaf and couldn't hear her. She immediately broke out her sign language skills. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out a friend of mine likes me. It wasn't by a cute gesture like a sweet little note, or a beautiful heartfelt confession like you might expect. He sprang at my boyfriend and choked him (while I strained to pull him off). Right during the middle of our 60+ student populated class. FML

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By animelover - Canada

Today, my boyfriend came over while I was babysitting my little brother. He wouldn't stay in bed, so my boyfriend told him,"If you don't stay in bed, the monster will eat you!" I now have to wash my brother's bedsheets, because he was too afraid to get up and go pee. FML

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By PerfectVision - United States - Long Beach

Today, I had to decline the sale of alcohol to a man who reeked of booze and was practically falling asleep at my till. He tried to convince me that he wasn't drunk, he was just blind. Still refusing to sell him the beer, he started yelling at me, accusing me of "being racist against the 'blinds'". FML

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By Anonymous - 26/9/2020 02:02 - United States - New York

Stable genius

Today, I went on a short date with a new girl in the office, who everyone thought was a tad bit odd. Also today, she showed me the names of our future children. FML

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By pokeloser

Today, my high point was still being able to recite all 151 generation one Pokémon in order, from memory. I need a life. FML

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By Inga44 - United States

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend. He was at the police station for breaking into a model home to hook up with the girl he's been cheating on me with for the past 4 months. I was his one phone call. He was expecting me to bail him out. FML

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By rosie21030 - New Zealand - Lower Hutt

Today, I was the bridesmaid for my dad and my stepmum's wedding. As I was walking down the aisle, I tripped and fell over my high heels, hit my head on the armrest of a wooden chair on the way down, and passed out. I now have a concussion and a broken ankle. The wedding went on without me. FML

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By princess - United States - San Francisco

Today, my 3 year old daughter's Halloween costume finally got delivered. FML

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By SterlingSilver91 - Canada

Today, I woke up to a text from a girl I had slept with two nights ago. It read, "Please don't get mad if you notice a rash on your private parts. Sorry in advance." FML

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By rattrap - United States

Today, I checked over the pictures on my night-cam to see if my cats are really going on our kitchen counters. As soon as I'd seen the first picture, I realized that this whole time my cats haven't been going on it. It was a rat. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my brother asked if he could borrow my razor, since he recently hit puberty and wanted to have a shave. I decided to be nice and let him. When he returned it half an hour later, I couldn't help but notice his facial hair was untouched. FML

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By ohgodwhy - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over to cheer me up after I'd had a sleepless night. He thought it would be a good time to propose. Unfortunately, it coincided with me yawning. FML

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Top comments

By Mauskau | 35

#5719415 - Thursday 17 October 2013 9:14

Unless you actually have Mexican relatives, why would he believe it in the first place? Common sense seems to go out the window when someone says, "give me money I need surgery"

By annoyedchild | 17

#5719429 - Thursday 17 October 2013 9:24

You gave him jaun thousand dollars?

COMMENTS

By Mauskau | 35

#5719415 - Thursday 17 October 2013 9:14

Unless you actually have Mexican relatives, why would he believe it in the first place? Common sense seems to go out the window when someone says, "give me money I need surgery"

soccerstar1996 | 18

#5719608 - Thursday 17 October 2013 13:04

This has to be one of the sketchiest FMLs I've ever read

JMichael | 25

#5719637 - Thursday 17 October 2013 13:38

Common sense goes out the window with just about everything these days.

\ | 28

#5719818 - Thursday 17 October 2013 17:11

In China a few years back, people were caught up in scams where someone would just say "Hi, it's Me. Send money!"

NoMore_CoolNames | 14

#5720829 - Friday 18 October 2013 11:07

43- I see exactly what you did there.

By jensen21 | 19

#5719416 - Thursday 17 October 2013 9:14

Did he not know he didn't have a relative named Juanito in Mexico?

ThatFancyPenn | 18

#5719804 - Thursday 17 October 2013 17:02

Obviously not if you'd read the FML.

By hollyanne27 | 9

#5719420 - Thursday 17 October 2013 9:18

At least his heart was in the right place. But that's still pretty unfortunate. Better luck next time!

By Dodgydaly | 11

#5719428 - Thursday 17 October 2013 9:24

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

deathtothepix | 26

#5719449 - Thursday 17 October 2013 9:39

Well done you look like an idiot, if not a bigger one than OPs dad.

AnOriginalName | 19

#5719460 - Thursday 17 October 2013 9:49

#4, that comment has such horrible grammar that no Juan knows what you were trying to say.

Schiffy | 18

#5719609 - Thursday 17 October 2013 13:06

No no, a Mexican's favorite sport is golf. That way you can get a whole in Juan.

By annoyedchild | 17

#5719429 - Thursday 17 October 2013 9:24

You gave him jaun thousand dollars?

Liamj774 | 36

#5719599 - Thursday 17 October 2013 12:54

OP Tried to save the money but Juanito took Jamal

TheTacoMan | 24

#5719668 - Thursday 17 October 2013 14:27

No Pun intended is a pun on "Unintended" *Brain Explodes*

By girlrome | 19

#5719431 - Thursday 17 October 2013 9:25

How come you turned out smart?

annie_nk | 22

#5719478 - Thursday 17 October 2013 10:13

The mom ;)

Zimmington | 21

#5720522 - Friday 18 October 2013 5:23

The family dog

Venister | 11

#6415508 - Monday 21 September 2015 6:33

By revidffum69 | 22

#5719432 - Thursday 17 October 2013 9:25

What's your address? I need emergency surgery in Mexico too.

By j_cat187 | 19

#5719434 - Thursday 17 October 2013 9:26

It is amazing that someone so gullible can function in society.

By Grand_Cookie | 21

#5719436 - Thursday 17 October 2013 9:27

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Ari1337 | 15

#5720504 - Friday 18 October 2013 5:10

no.

By abhi95 | 31

#5719440 - Thursday 17 October 2013 9:28

Your dad's email if you don't mind?

awsamb | 8

#5722257 - Saturday 19 October 2013 15:35

gold