Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, "Please don't drink anymore, I really worry about your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out, so I opened the fridge. Then I found another note on a can that said, "So you're going to drink anyway?" FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was looking in the refrigerator for something to drink. I found a jug of lemonade with a piece of paper on it saying "Mom's Lemonade, Don't Drink!" I was really thirsty, so I ignored it and drank the whole jug. My mom is about to have a colonoscopy and had filled it with laxatives. FML
Today, I went into my fridge and someone had drank all the beer. Only my 8-year-old son lives with me. FML
Today, I was telling my teenage daughter about the effects from alcohol, and how she should not give in to peer pressure. While talking, I noticed that she was looking at me funny. There was a wine glass in my hand. FML
Today, I found out that my wife, who is supposed to be a recovering alcoholic, drank an entire bottle of wine and then tried to hide it at the bottom of a garbage bin. To make matters worse, when I confronted her about it, she tried to convince me that our 5-year-old daughter had drunk it. FML
Today, I was packing my son's lunch and we'd ran out of water bottles. I asked my 16 year-old to run to the store. She didn't want to, but gave me one she had. After dropping my son off, my daughter frantically told me she'd made a mistake. I sent my second grader to school with a bottle of vodka. FML
Today, my dad taped a picture of me to the fridge with "Do not feed the she-beast" written on it. FML
Today, I'm taking care of my 12-year-old daughter because my ex-wife thought she could cure our daughter's lactose intolerance by sneaking milk into her soy breakfast. The milk had expired. FML
Today, someone drank a sip of my single serve pasteurized orange juice and put it back in the fridge, ignoring the whole jug of non-pasteurized juice, that I cant drink because im pregnant. I cried. FML
Today, my parents finally realized that I've been sneaking vodka when they weren't home. Note to self: don't let them freeze vodka that's actually 75% water. FML
Today, my 11-year-old cousin walked up to me as I was enjoying a glass of wine with friends at my mother's birthday party. Thinking she wouldn't like it anyway, I let her try. The little fucker drank the entire glass in one go, adding, "Usually, daddy gives me vodka." Good to know what my family is up to. FML
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Top comments
WowLifeDoesSuck 0
Wow, kids are getting smarter.
mastercrammer 0
You should feel lucky to have a smart daughter who really cares about you.
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Comments (862)
annaunscripted 0
haha cute
ASA5G 2
That kid has my congratulations. that is one of the smartest kids ive sen. this is a sign for you to STOP DRINKING.
allieehope 0
first thoughts are that you should obviously stop drinking. then i remembered how i apparently told my mom (who rarely drinks) that she was an alcoholic after one wine at dinner on vacation when i was around the same age. so, think about it.. but either way, your child is adorable and i hope if she is right that you listen!
ajb_ball 0
f*ck your life? f*ck her life. what do have to worry about? u got one smart 7 year old of a kid and all u have to do is go to a couple of adult classes to get rid of ur alchoholism and she is worrying about u dying
DavidMcgrady1216 0
sharp kid... you should quit so she grows up like that and doesn't turn in to one of those kids with crazy-ass alcoholic parents.
qwertysad 0
genius.... I'm suprised.... please don't tell me she was blonde aswell...
infernalpuppet 0
greenman-bahahahahahahahahahahahahaha that was hilarious good job :D
iangel92 2
bless her!!! and listen to her dude! she cares about u
Leosan_fml 2
You guys shouldn't just assume hes an alcoholic... I can tell you, my dad was an alcoholic - and he was too shagged to even try to reach a computer, let alone use one to post shit on FML.
Leosan_fml 2
Oh and people who blame their alcoholic parents for being messed up. Sure alcoholics are a bunch of douchebags - perfect reason for being exactly the opposite.