Miscellaneous: Today, I came back from a two week vacation. As I walked in the...

He refused to go with me on vacation because he said that Italy was too hot. You can ask him why he didn't want to go. I put the chicken in a container and handed it to him because I figured if he wanted to keep it lying around the house while I was gone, he wouldn't mind eating it while he was finding a place that would take his lazy ass in.

Miscellaneous

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Wakey wakey

Weird reasoning

16/07/2009 06:15

Today, at the end of a night of heavy drinking, I decided it was a good idea to go off into the park with a friend of mine. We ended up fooling around in the park, when a couple of kids stole our clothes. We had to walk back to town with no clothes on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 491

You deserved it 74 078

24/04/2011 04:10

Today, my husband and I had the grand opening to our new winery. We had a big sign out front saying "FREE GRAPES", to try and get more people interested. People kept giving us dirty looks when passing. We later realized there was something covering the "G". FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 307

You deserved it 10 437

01/03/2013 13:20

Today, the "Child Care and Development" class at my high school assigned all 50 students to carry a fake baby around school all day for a week. I can't even read a page of my notes without hearing a robotic crying noise. Today is the first day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 842

You deserved it 4 778

Let's go girls!

By Anonymous - 09/08/2020 23:01

Today, someone said that women shouldn’t hate their menstrual cycles, because the hormonal changes were so "interesting". Sure, that’s the word I’d use for alternating between cramps and zits, being an insatiable nymphomaniac, and being so depressed I want to die. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 541

You deserved it 133

12/09/2018 20:30

Today, after being together for 8 months, I learned that not only was my boyfriend a liar, but that he is also married and has been for 4 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 029

You deserved it 257

Weird projection, but OK

By just realized - 16/09/2020 23:03

Today, I realized that when someone's pregnant or introduces me to their kids, they're saying, "I had sex with this person" and now I can’t stop visualizing it. Keep me out of your personal life, Tom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 1 267

16/01/2013 21:08

Today, my mom wished me "Happy Conception Day." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 470

You deserved it 4 445

25/05/2012 04:32

Today, after 5 months of unemployment and hardcore job searching, I got hired for my dream job. I called my mum to tell her all about it, to which she responded, "Great honey! Now all you need to do is lose all that weight". She allowed me all of 4 minutes of feeling good about myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 875

You deserved it 2 991

Bad news

By Anonymous - 01/08/2020 20:01

Today, I knew it was going to be a fun day when I woke up to find that my kids' new puppy had died in the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 796

You deserved it 97

Horndogs

By bullah007 - 28/11/2014 18:43

Today, my friend made a fake account on Facebook, pretending to be a girl, and posted my phone number on a sexting group. I've been getting calls and text messages from horny weirdos all day long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 854

You deserved it 4 402

07/03/2011 07:28

Today, I discovered that sea-sickness also applies when making love on my girlfriend's new water bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 369

You deserved it 6 053

31/10/2011 20:06

Today, my boyfriend admitted that the only reason he remembers my eye color is because it's the same shade of his shit after he's had a salad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 129

You deserved it 3 676

10/01/2009 06:34

Today, I made some popcorn. Returning to the kitchen a couple of minutes later, I realized I was supposed to put a cover on the saucepan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 150

You deserved it 26 673

26/06/2013 17:51

Today, I was going to set up my air conditioner in the window. As I opened up the window, I must have disturbed a wasp nest, because a dozen wasps flew in and several of them stung me. The rest are now somewhere in my house with my terrified girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 845

You deserved it 4 082

25/08/2013 19:28

Today, a customer spent ages bitching me out, because he refused to believe he needed to upgrade his computer, which still runs Windows 98, in order to install a modern game for his grandson. He ended up calling my manager and trying to get me fired for scamming him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 319

You deserved it 2 707

04/08/2010 22:14

Today, I went to the cinema with a girl I like. Knowing she has a bit of a soft spot for me, I was keen to sit in the back row. Too bad her sister tagged along, insisted that we sit somewhere else, and scolded me every time I so much looked at her. I ended up paying for the unwanted guest as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 791

You deserved it 5 041

Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo

By Rhett_15 - 01/08/2017 13:00

Today, I found out that my favorite song is about blow jobs and crystal meth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 362

You deserved it 899

Walking Dead

By Anonymous - 02/08/2020 14:01

Today, my doctor informed me I was a fascinating patient. Why? I have "more health issues than a patient my age should." I'm 26. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 430

You deserved it 118

02/12/2009 13:27

Today, at work I was told I'd be working over Christmas because I don't drink. Apparently if you're tee-total, you're not entitled to spend time with your family and are incapable of having fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 793

You deserved it 3 910

29/08/2009 12:13

Today, I found out I was getting a new bed for my room. Then find out it was my great-grandmother's. The one she died in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 469

You deserved it 2 779

10/05/2011 21:20

Today, our school got portable classrooms for the construction on our school. I had to take a dump really bad, and had to use the built in bathroom. As I was in there I heard laughing. Turns out, every sound you make is an entire broadcast to the class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 633

You deserved it 4 415

15/11/2010 12:05

Today, I had to spend £200 at the dentist for fillings and repairs to my teeth. Why do I need them? Because I'm stressed about money and grind my teeth in the night because of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 016

You deserved it 4 564

17/03/2010 07:05

Today, my boyfriend of more than two years told me in front of all of our friends that he'd trade me for some Playstation 3 games. I laughed it off because I thought he was kidding. He made it clear that he was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 600

You deserved it 5 112

30/10/2010 18:09

Today, the only one that became aroused while looking at me in my sexy Halloween costume was my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 053

You deserved it 12 552

05/04/2019 22:00

Today, my dog showed me her latest kill. Too bad it was the stuffed animals my dead grandmother had given me as a child that had a lot of sentimental value to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 073

You deserved it 379

16/01/2010 00:57

Today, my father decided to tell me in detail when and how he lost his virginity. He even told me what position it was and who this girl was. I will never look at him in the same way again. He also made his hands "have sex". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 781

You deserved it 2 610

21/06/2016 17:11

Today, I moved three hours away from my boyfriend for college. Even though he got accepted to the same school and had a job lined up in town, he decided not to come with me because the Internet at our apartment wasn't going to be fast enough for his gaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 906

You deserved it 2 482

08/04/2011 11:07

Today, my husband told me that he can't find his passport. We're supposed to be leaving for Prague in two days. He's known about the trip for months. It was the anniversary vacation that was going to help our frayed relationship. Now my money is going to a hotel in Prague, but I'm not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 724

You deserved it 4 279

07/01/2010 17:44

Today, I was going over some paperwork with my back to my office door. As I turn around, my boss enters and says my name loudly. I was startled so bad that I jumped, yelped, and a high-pitched fart snuck out. Everyone in the office now gives prior notice before dropping by the "fart guy's" office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 463

You deserved it 4 620

29/12/2009 03:43

Today, I woke up to my whole room ruined, it was a mess and everything was torn and chewed up. I suddenly see a dog walk across the hall. I don't have a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 296

You deserved it 2 529

18/10/2012 23:52

Today, my mom and I went out to a fancy and expensive restaurant per her request; she told me it was her treat. After we ate our meals and the large check came, she excused herself to the bathroom. She didn't come back. I was dine-and-dashed by my own mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 363

You deserved it 2 018

04/02/2016 14:13

Today, after being told numerous times how sexist the East Coast is, I went ahead with my East Coast grad school architecture interview. The first thing out of the interviewer's mouth was, "Are you sure you don't want to do interior architecture?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 008

You deserved it 2 965

08/09/2013 16:38

Today, as if to prove that there is no end to the unspeakable stupidity of the human race, a patient was brought into my hospital, needing a cellphone removed from his anus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 919

You deserved it 3 577

06/01/2012 00:37

Today, I had shelves installed using a builder who came highly recommended by my co-worker. Turns out the builder is her friend, who has no actual qualifications or experience as a builder, but 'it's his dream'. I now have a gaping hole in my kitchen where the shelves should be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 713

You deserved it 5 306

12/11/2009 07:11

Today, I told my boyfriend how happy I was with him. He responded by pulling down his pants and slapping his ass. I have no idea what that was supposed to mean. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 044

You deserved it 5 924

22/02/2012 09:37

Today, a first date with a guy went so badly that he actually paid me to never call him again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 422

You deserved it 5 359

30/06/2016 12:29

Today, I earned the nickname of "Harry Potter" for all the wrong reasons. I got locked in a storage cupboard for most of my shift, and couldn't get out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 134

You deserved it 1 435

03/12/2011 11:23

Today, my mom, who is relatively new to Facebook, posted on her friend's wall, telling her about her recent diagnosis of vaginal thrush. She assumed that her wall post was private. Six of my friends liked the post. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 632

You deserved it 3 357

01/02/2009 08:54

Today, I was playing with 3 kids I look after. The middle one has just learned about sex and started chanting that I had done it with the eldest as a joke. We were in the garden and the neighbours heard. Now I am fired, have to leave the house and am being investigated by the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 402

You deserved it 3 252

Supportive

By Khagen - 27/01/2021 05:01

Today, after two rounds of antibiotics, I got a yeast infection. My husband started calling me "Yeasty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 618

You deserved it 87

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Top comments

alex_vik 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 7:43

Do you even know the definition of the word "boyfriend"?

nuhtmehg 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 11:19

I agree with #61 - the first thing i would have said is " and you didn't do it why? " Bravo for kicking him to the curb ... you definitely deserve better !

Comments

MooKee 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 7:25

romantic!

no1askdu 5

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Sunday 30 August 2009 7:34

nothing says "i love you" like cleaning old food

suaveneanderthal 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 7:43

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

FenderYK 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 7:46

lol this remind me of the time my friends and I was listening to some indian music

Rakayum 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 7:53

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

monicamischief 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 8:03

seriously, you make the mess, you clean it up. it's not the fucking boyfriend's fault. :/ it was HER party. and she as just going on vacation. and who has a 'going away party' for a vacation? :/ AND the OP should know how boyfriends are. they probably aren't going to clean it, so you probably should.

YDIBITCHES 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 9:48

FIRST,BITCHES

AtoZnumbersand_ 1

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Sunday 30 August 2009 11:32

Are you people fucking serious? First off, 41# is right. People don't host their own going away party, so someone else probably made the chicken. And secondly, Even if she had.. Who cares? No civilised person leaves chicken sitting there for 2 weeks. That's disgusting. If whoever does the cooking in your household (Assuming it's not you) went away for two weeks, would you just leave the food there that they cooked the night they left? The sad thing is.. You probably would. And that's absolutely gross.. Not to mention lazy! you people have no hope...

Sun_Kissed18 25

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Sunday 30 August 2009 18:38

Exactly, I don't know how the boyfriend lived there for two weeks staring at that disgusting old chicken. That's one dirty boyfriend, and I don't mean the good kind of dirty.

monicamischief 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 23:14

that's the point, SHE WENT AWAY FOR TWO WEEKS. before she left, SHE should have made sure everything was cleaned, that's what normal and responsible people do, instead of just leaving a mess for her boyfriend. THAT is what is rude. and i think it is safe to assume the OP made the chicken, because it was IN HER CROCKPOT. if her family made it, they would have brought it over or something. what grown person has their mommy come and COOK in their house for a party? i've never been to such a thing. people BRING FOOD. and TAKE HOME THE CONTAINER. it was her crockpot, so i am guessing she made it. adults do cook for their own parties, you know :/

JPChiQYaya 0

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Sunday 28 August 2011 2:38

100 just stfu-.-

lexa1love 16

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Saturday 8 September 2012 16:16

100, You obviously don't know Italians. My family comes together for every Holiday, graduation, birthday anything and we cook together, as a family in one kitchen.

MadeOfAwesome 1

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Sunday 30 August 2009 7:26

Gross 

wickedgrl13 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 7:27

Awww Well isn't that sweet of him. lol

drinkupgorgeous 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 7:28

I bet you wanted to bitch slap his ass.

GongButterfly 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 7:32

eew that is so unhealthy -____- my mom would kill me if I ever did that

hqwoody327 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 7:33

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Luckster 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 7:43

fuck you!

Luckster 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 7:55

Nice to know that one of the moderators is in favor of sexism.

Bansheethekilla 2

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Sunday 30 August 2009 9:45

Oh woody get out of the 19 century and quit being a troll.

TheDoge 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 12:29

Woody, ignore those foolish wenches. They need to learn them places behind the stoves, they do!

Vampgirl202 4

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Friday 6 May 2011 4:21

shut up you pompous sexist Internet troll pig!!!!

lendmeyourteeth 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 7:35

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

alex_vik 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 7:43

Do you even know the definition of the word "boyfriend"?

blah123blah 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 7:35

Crackpot?

redbluegreen 40

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Sunday 30 August 2009 7:44

Hahaha. I read it this way too.

moonlight_daze 8

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Sunday 30 August 2009 10:12

Whoops, :-X

kandi_shop_xoxo 0

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Sunday 30 August 2009 7:36

Haha.. My boyfriend wouldn't tell me if there was food in the crock pot. He would wait for me to find it myself, and expect me to clean it, but I do it anyways...