Today, I brought my girlfriend home for dinner. The first words out of my dad's mouth were apparently, "Ah, you must be Dan's slam-piece." I was in the living room and didn't quite catch it all, but I said, "She certainly is!" Now I'm single, and all my friends think I'm a bastard. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I finally invited my girlfriend over to meet my oddball parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "So, you're the silly girl who agreed to date my dickhead son." It went downhill from there. FML
Today, I brought a boy home for the first time, only to have my dad ask him what his mother's maiden name was. When he answered, my dad exclaimed, "Oh yeah! I think I dated her in high school. I could be your father!" FML
Today, I brought my new girlfriend home for dinner. My mom was being unusually quiet, so I thought she was trying to be polite. After dinner, she pulled me aside and asked why I'd never mentioned that my girlfriend had dated my brother. Apparently everyone knew except me. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents. My dad thought it'd be hilarious to act surprised and ask me if I'd already dumped the girlfriend I introduced him to yesterday. She slapped me and stormed out of the house before my dad could tell her it was a joke. FML
Today, my boyfriend went to ask my dad for my hand in marriage. All I could make out from the door was mumbling, until profanities started flying. My boyfriend shouted "well she's a SINGLE bitch now!" and stormed out of the house. My dad still refuses to tell me what happened in there. FML
Today, I found out why my girlfriend comes over for dinner so often. She thinks my dad is a real babe. FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend of four months home for dinner to meet my parents. The first thing my mom says to her? "Oh my God, you're real!" FML
Today, my boyfriend met my dad for the first time. The first thing he said to him was, "You're an idiot for dating my daughter." FML
Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents over lunch. Unfortunately, I showed my dad her Facebook profile beforehand and he wouldn't stop making cracks about her duckfacing. It started with, "Don't let her eat the bread, it'll puff up in her stomach and kill her", and ended in tears. FML
Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my dad. I thought it was a good idea at the time, at least until he took her aside for a private chat. During the chat, he told her all about my two previous marriages and advised her to "get out while you can". FML
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Top comments
enchi999 8
Should've asked him to repeat himself
tatsmcgrath 4
Why would your dad even say that? That makes things akward!
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Comments (123)
gracehi 33
If only you could dump your Dad. :/
zachherbert 10
"Dad, I don't think things are working out.. Maybe we should see new people."
drumrgonewild 2
Slam piece?? O....k u dont hear that.... I wonder why.....
rems109 5
Explain the situation to her and maybe she'll understand. Also if she's already your girl, she should know that she's not just a hookup buddy.
CaramelMacchiato 13
You made some fair points, but then again, do you really think OP's girlfriend would believe him? I'd be pretty upset if my boyfriend referred to me as a piece of meat (without actually knowing the full story).
rems109 5
Well I'd be mad, but I'd give him a chance to explain it bc if she's already his gf, then obviously she's not just a **** buddy lol
2ndSucks 15
Never blindly agree with something your parents say. It just can't turn out well.
twofirstnames 12
I don't think people would like to be referred to as a 'slam piece'. If you're calling someone that, then that kinda makes you look a bastard..
lajaynay 15
Damn Dan. I feel bad for you and your girl friend. Especially if your dad first says that when he meets your girlfriend. I hope he's not always like that.
hqbrat 8
You mean ex-girlfriend :/
telli164 30
#27, way to kick a man while he's down!
solosohigh 15
unless you are usually just as disrespectful (accidental or not) I might say you deserve it. otherwise, it was clearly an honest mistake and she needs to lighten up a little!
PlayWithElmo 7
That's what dads are for.
onelove858 5
You should is said that it's your and your dads inside joke.
ALpein 0
Would you like to try again?
DomDomxoxo 16
*should
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
61, they spelled "should" right on both occasions.
DomDomxoxo 16
79: "There, that make it a little better" is not correct. If you write "There, that should make it a little better" or "There, that makes it a little better" it makes more sense.
onelove858 5
Damn. No more speed typing for me.
hqbrat 8
Your a little slow to be in the fast lane, don't ya think? :)