Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML
Today, I thought my online boyfriend was calling me, so the first line I said was "Hey, Baby." His wife answered with, "This is Jenny. Who's this?" After speaking for thirty minutes, I found out he's married, fifty-eight, and has two kids. I'm seventeen. FML
Today, whilst having sex, my husband screamed out a man's name. FML
Today, my husband answered a FaceTime call from his mother not 30 seconds after sex. I was naked in bed next to him. FML
Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML
Today, I got a call from the guy I have been seeing. I wasn't him. It was his wife wondering why I have her husband's number. FML
Today, after waking up beside my girlfriend to get ready to go to work, I leaned down to kiss her while she was still asleep, and she said, "Have a good day Jake." My name starts with a J, but it's not Jake. FML
Today, my co-worker handed me the phone and said it was my boyfriend calling, so I answered "Hello, Love!" It was my boss. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having a make-out session in the backseat of his car, when we heard a voice coming from his pants. Who did he pocket dial? My house. At midnight, when I was supposed to be home. FML
Today, my boyfriend fell asleep during phone sex. FML
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Top comments
ThatOneDrummer 8
So he's either cheating on you with a woman, a man, or he's just really enthusiastic about car insurance.
boofgall 16
"And he's making you hard?"
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Comments (180)
Vidrill 22
Ugh, this is one of those cases that you wish it ISN'T Jake from State Farm.
not_a_robot 15
Well, to be fair if I was a married woman I would be a little bit less worried about the failure of our marriage if my spouse was not homosexual. I still would not be okay with cheating and never will be, though.
lonewolf621 17
Seriously?
CallMeWindSock 24
Like a good mistress, State Farm is there!
OlgaCornmuffin 7
your comment made me laugh out loud, because without even thinking, I sang it out loud. Lol
Tavers 19
Hope you were at home. It would suck to be on a bus and say that...
kait11 16
Ok let's be honest- it wasn't "Jake" But.. That was an amusing answer that he came up with. but it doesn't change the fact that he's a cheating jerk and you deserve better.
kwyk 23
Woah woah, ease up. Don't jump to conclusions like that, how do we know it's not Jake from State Farm?
russfml 31
Ya it could actually be jake from State Farm, if they are buddies. Guys who are comfortable with their sexuality joke around like that all the time
skatoolaki 24
At 2am?
gg27787 6
The answer is yes.
vampirapaige 11
Why are people disliking this?
karlcolt45 19
I bet he wasn't wearing his khakis
beckilynn77_fml 8
¡No mas pantelones!
perdix 31
Why is this one getting thumbed down? It's funny!
Sandman366 6
Its like a SAUNA, in here.
cmb8280 24
LMFAO
DuRpY 5
Give your husband a break, "Jake" is in the hospital with "a broken arm".
rokolodo 10
Haha I see what you did.
Michael903 18
Was he at the hospital yesterday with a friend because the friend broke his arm? Maybe that's Jake and they are talking about the cast....
Danyellstar 14
Is "Jake from State Farm wearing khakis" ?
error404n0tf0und 21
fetish much?
lena808 13
So um you totally turn me on "jake from State Farm" Bitch... I demand a refund.