Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML
Today, I thought my online boyfriend was calling me, so the first line I said was "Hey, Baby." His wife answered with, "This is Jenny. Who's this?" After speaking for thirty minutes, I found out he's married, fifty-eight, and has two kids. I'm seventeen. FML
Today, whilst having sex, my husband screamed out a man's name. FML
Today, my husband answered a FaceTime call from his mother not 30 seconds after sex. I was naked in bed next to him. FML
Today, I was sleeping with my boyfriend and woke up in his arms to hear him say "Mom, Mom." FML
Today, I got a call from the guy I have been seeing. I wasn't him. It was his wife wondering why I have her husband's number. FML
Today, after waking up beside my girlfriend to get ready to go to work, I leaned down to kiss her while she was still asleep, and she said, "Have a good day Jake." My name starts with a J, but it's not Jake. FML
Today, my co-worker handed me the phone and said it was my boyfriend calling, so I answered "Hello, Love!" It was my boss. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having a make-out session in the backseat of his car, when we heard a voice coming from his pants. Who did he pocket dial? My house. At midnight, when I was supposed to be home. FML
Today, my boyfriend fell asleep during phone sex. FML
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Top comments
ThatOneDrummer 8
So he's either cheating on you with a woman, a man, or he's just really enthusiastic about car insurance.
boofgall 16
"And he's making you hard?"
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Comments (180)
onorexveritas 24
either way, dump his horny ass
Reaper1984 13
she's not gonna buy that one
User90210 5
Jake from State Farm is at 3 in the morning
JoeCookieRaider 5
Like a good neighbor State Farm is there! Making your husband hard.
Pstraka6 20
Those discounts really got him going
BVBfan 10
Classic haha!
jessherself13 21
If only it was actually that pleasurable to talk to your car insurance agent. If you are willing to, maybe you can salvage your marriage with some counseling. If you aren't willing, maybe you should find your own "Jake."
sierra_giggle 7
That was on a commercial for State Farm- you didn't make it up
Joey_Fingers 4
Thats the joke you dimwit
lonewolf621 17
Talking while your asleep and saying that?!?! Do that to him so that he knows how it feels.
cmb8280 24
I feel super bad for you, I do... But props to your man on the quick answer!! This is some funny shit!!