Miscellaneous: Today, I asked my friend to crop me out of her profile picture...

By Anon - 09/10/2013 05:21 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I asked my friend to crop me out of her profile picture on Facebook because I look terrible in it. She responded that she wasn't going to, because it made her look better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 811

You deserved it 5 481

Miscellaneous

Taking stock

How could you forget?

Selfish tit

By levi69 - 18/05/2011 16:03 - United States

Today, after fifth block, I decided to go for a little walk. Apparently so did my boyfriend and best friend. I found them together under the stairs with her head in his crotch. She said she was looking for her contacts. His pants were pulled down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 443

You deserved it 4 703

By frozenpoo - 21/01/2015 02:05 - United States

Today, while trying to take a crap, I shut the bathroom door. A minute later, my 3 year old daughter knocked and said "Mommy, do you wanna build a snowman?" She kept singing the song until I was finally done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 598

You deserved it 4 994

By Anonymous - 23/01/2014 03:42 - Australia - Wheelers Hill

Today, I decided to dye my hair blue. The result is slightly different than I expected: my white bathroom is now blue, and so are my skin and nails. The only thing that isn't blue is my hair, which is now green. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 376

You deserved it 21 258

By Anonymous - 30/11/2014 04:44 - United States - Mahwah

Today, I bought a Santa hat. After wearing the hat for a few hours, I noticed a strange lump near the tip of it. I stuck my hand inside to dig out the mysterious object. It was a dead cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 590

You deserved it 3 541

Where you been?

By watchmaker - 16/12/2009 09:37 - United Kingdom

Today, since I had no lessons until 1pm, I headed out to the store to run errands. Our school has a strict policy against leaving the campus during school hours. I returned to a fire drill taking place. The fire assembly point? The student parking lot. All 900 students watched me drive in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 087

You deserved it 35 908

By Anonymous - 11/02/2011 15:46 - United States

Today, I watched my grandfather try and park his car inside the storage area for shopping carts, thinking it was a parking space. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 359

You deserved it 3 502

By HeatherFeatherB - 05/01/2016 03:27 - United States - Mundelein

Today, one of my customers told me he was going to kill himself when I explained to him that I wasn't going to be able to deliver him the gallon of milk he wanted. I work in a pharmacy, dispensing medication. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 758

You deserved it 1 260

By FMyBrain - 06/06/2014 21:26 - United States - Fairbanks

Today, my brain decided to go into suicide mode. So far I've managed to open a fridge door into my face, walk balls-first into the corner of a table, and sliced my finger while trying to cut open some thick plastic packaging with scissors. I'll probably be dead by the time this is posted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 417

You deserved it 6 021

No chuds, thanks

By Anonymous - 15/10/2020 20:01

Today, I found the Instagram account belonging to the guy I've been seeing. That's how I found out he's one of those nitwit asshole Proud Boys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 187

You deserved it 363

By Anonymous - 13/08/2012 18:48 - United Kingdom - Goole

Today, I was feeling really down, so I texted my boyfriend, hoping to get some emotional support. He texted me back twenty minutes later, asking for nude pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 945

You deserved it 5 187

By Anna - 18/06/2011 16:54 - Estonia

Today, I woke up with a high fever and hallucinations. I called for my mother, who after checking me, swore that I was just hungover from a night of partying, called me a "f*cking hedonist", and refused to help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 964

You deserved it 4 508

By busrides - 24/12/2009 09:35 - United States

Today, I saw the girl I had confessed my love to two years ago on the bus. We chatted for a few minutes and she got off on the first stop, saying that this is where she had to get off. Twenty minutes later, I see her in the bus next to mine. The bus number was 20. Like mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 608

You deserved it 5 531

By nekkiddrunk - 14/01/2010 02:04 - United States

Today, I locked myself, drunk and naked, out of my hotel room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 875

You deserved it 40 511

By Anonymous - 21/07/2014 15:58 - United States - Norwalk

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. The officer was nice and let me off with just a warning. That is, until my dipshit brother yelled "Fucking pig!" out the window as the officer walked back to his car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 519

You deserved it 22 187

By Anonymous - 12/04/2009 18:11 - United States

Today, I woke up to find The Sims 2 running on pause on my laptop. I unpaused to find my character and my boyfriend's were no longer together. Slightly confused, I went on to find the note my boyfriend left. It said, "I hope you can take a hint." I got dumped through a computer game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90 323

You deserved it 5 816

By Anonymous - 18/11/2009 11:47 - Denmark

Today, I got the flu. Feeling really sick and depressed, I called my boyfriend to get some comfort. When he didn't answer his cell, I called his house, only to hear his mother telling me "he was so sad that we broke up." I didn't know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 524

You deserved it 2 475

By Anonymous - 16/12/2009 06:15 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend, who I have been trying to get back together with, texted me. He asked me how life was going, he then asked me if I had the naked picture of him saved on my phone. I asked him why. He replied that he wanted to send it to his crush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 085

You deserved it 4 650

By marray - 23/07/2018 12:46 - United States - Aurora

Today, I received a grade of 0 for a paper I worked really hard on. When I emailed my professor for feedback, she told me she gave me a 0 because I misspelled Colombia as "Columbia" and that she's not responsible for my low IQ. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 873

You deserved it 612

By Anonymous - 26/05/2018 19:00

Today, I came out to my therapist as gay. Claiming that my parents "can't be that homophobic", my therapist outed me to them. They kicked me out of the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 787

You deserved it 427

I am hungry

By Hungry - 23/12/2019 01:00

Today, I thought my mother was coming into my room to give me lunch. She gave me cleaning supplies instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 630

You deserved it 3 058

By condom_kid - 27/07/2009 14:34 - United States

Today, my father pulled me aside right before heading off to my girlfriend's house. He said "Next time you have sex, don't leave the tied up condom in its wrapper inside your short's pocket, otherwise your mother might find it again as she's folding laundry." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 376

You deserved it 73 367

By quackers - 08/07/2016 07:00 - United States - Columbus

Today, I found out that my favorite pizza place will no longer deliver to my area after dark because they've been robbed too many times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 784

You deserved it 1 188

Bugging out

By Jordan - 02/04/2015 19:58 - Jordan - Amman

Today, I wore a new shirt, but forgot to remove the price tag. It was kind of windy outside, so when I got outside, the tag hit me on the neck, I thought it was a giant insect attacking my neck. I started screaming like a little girl. I'm a 30 year-old guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 547

You deserved it 8 431

By kthx - 22/10/2009 12:26 - Canada

Today, it was my grandfather's burial. As the family was about to leave, a great aunt came up to my skinny, tall and pretty cousin and told her, "Stay beautiful and kind." Then, she walked to me and said, "And you, Stay kind." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 638

You deserved it 3 484

Sharing is caring

By Cirese Summerrose - 21/09/2019 18:00

Today, I found out I have herpes. I'm 9 months pregnant and have only been with my husband. It just so happens that our roommate just got over herpes. I thought they were just spending time together, bonding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 184

You deserved it 246

Oh, hai!

By Anonymous - 25/05/2020 20:00

Today, sleeping in a little late, I was woken up by my phone. Still tired, I quickly checked the display to realize it's my girlfriend calling. I pick up the phone saying, "Hey baby girl!" She seemed pretty startled, so I double-checked and realized it was my new boss, who has the name as my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 530

You deserved it 488

By anne - 30/07/2010 23:23 - Canada

Today, my 20 year-old son decided it would be funny to unbuckle my seat belt while the cops were right beside us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 366

You deserved it 4 105

By ragingwaffles - 13/08/2014 04:25 - United States - Chico

Today, my blind date thought the best way to start off is to show up blind drunk. She ended up puking on the table and leaving me to pay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 175

You deserved it 3 877

By FenRackety - 10/05/2013 12:37 - Canada

Today, at work, I was trying to get the octopus out of its tank to transfer it to another one. It instantly latched to my face and sprayed ink all over me. My boss told me to stop playing with the animals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 646

You deserved it 5 754

By longday - 25/07/2010 06:13 - Canada

Today, I managed to multitask too much at work. I turned around, adjusted my glasses, swept hair out of my face, and blinked. In the process I walked into my manager, causing me to simultaneously punch myself in the mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 489

You deserved it 6 738

By Anonymous - 26/07/2013 00:13 - South Africa

Today, I realised that I can tell my 6 cats apart by the sound of their paws on the carpet. I think I need friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 437

You deserved it 9 636

By ohmyx3 - 30/04/2009 02:09 - United States

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house.I've been a vegetarian for 4 years, and his mother made lasagna with meat in it. After telling her I don't eat meat, my boyfriend's father says "we know whose meat she does eat." My boyfriend, his mother, and I were standing right there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 043

You deserved it 9 875

By Anonymous - 22/08/2015 06:58 - United States - Cadillac

Today, I showed up to my new job early, hoping to impress my new boss. When he arrived, he walked by me and muttered "Fucking tryhard." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 730

You deserved it 3 397

By unknown - 17/08/2019 02:00 - Canada

Today, my wife figured out I gave her a dollar store ring for our anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 486

You deserved it 4 559

By Anonymous - 12/02/2012 04:52 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head. Soon, I noticed he was being very quiet. When I looked up, he was in a deep sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 061

You deserved it 8 437

Queasy

By Anonymous - 10/11/2019 01:00 - Germany - Berlin

Today, my boss offered to give me a ride on her way home. Two seconds before getting into the car, I had to let out a fart. I didn't think the fart would follow me in, but it did. She rolled down the windows, and we lapsed into a silent, awkward ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 529

You deserved it 800

By lanz4949 - 19/03/2013 04:40 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my superstitious girlfriend of 4 years sneezed in the middle of my proposal. She claimed it was a sign from the universe for us to break up and then immediately left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 064

You deserved it 3 728

By Becky - 21/08/2009 23:51 - United Kingdom

Today, my family bet me $20 to wear a Disney Princess hat for the entire day around a theme park. I am 17 years old. We decided to go for lunch in one of the restaurants. After we finished, a woman gave my parents a leaflet on how to cope with disabled children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 678

You deserved it 9 440

By asdfjkl - 06/09/2009 17:27 - United States

Today, I had a long, meaningful telephone conversation. After hanging up, I realized I hadn't had such a great conversation in a long time. Who was it with? The Dell Customer Support guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 157

You deserved it 5 639

By Airplane crap - 21/10/2014 20:13 - United States - Leavenworth

Today, I got stuck on an airplane for a while before takeoff. Someone decided it was a great time to get diarrhea while on the toilet, and we couldn't take off for safety reasons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 918

You deserved it 4 108

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Top comments

olpally 32

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Wednesday 9 October 2013 16:08

What a bitch. she doesn't sound like a friend you need in your life.

icyhottt 11

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Wednesday 9 October 2013 16:08

Its time to reconsider your friendship with her xD

icyhottt 11

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Wednesday 9 October 2013 16:08

Its time to reconsider your friendship with her xD

tjv3 10

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Thursday 10 October 2013 1:48

You can tell Facebook you want it removed

olpally 32

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Wednesday 9 October 2013 16:08

What a bitch. she doesn't sound like a friend you need in your life.

judea95 16

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Wednesday 9 October 2013 17:35

OP should report it to Facebook, and the photo or the friends profile will be removed.

Katiekhalifa_fml 28

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Wednesday 9 October 2013 18:58

They're not going to remove someone's profile just because OP doesn't like the way she looks in a picture...

skitzymew 19

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Wednesday 9 October 2013 20:13

35, actually they will. You can report a photo because it's a picture you don't want of yourself on FB. I have unfortunately had to do it a few times because the person kept posting it.

polkadotty4 7

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Monday 4 November 2013 22:48

OMG you commented on practically every post here. No one else notice?

katie_xoxo3 16

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Wednesday 9 October 2013 16:11

What a poopface

Welshite 39

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Wednesday 9 October 2013 16:14

*gasp* That was uncalled for, Noor. You kiss your mother with that mouth?

Welshite 39

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Wednesday 9 October 2013 16:18

*hands you gum*

CountryGirlx 4

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Wednesday 9 October 2013 16:55

I like how nicely you put that. You've got some good self control.

ThatFancyPenn 18

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Wednesday 9 October 2013 17:31

OP is a poop face

vipirius 18

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Thursday 10 October 2013 1:38

Yes 28 we all read 3's comment thank you.

bossiblondi 9

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Wednesday 9 October 2013 16:13

that's why you take her out and get her slobbering drunk and after she has puked and her mascara is smeared and she can barely open her eyes, you snap a photo and post it EVERYWHERE.

Dodge4x4Ram 46

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Wednesday 9 October 2013 16:21

THE crop is wrong with her

dhooks111490 8

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Wednesday 9 October 2013 19:24

So much fail here

Markus12 8

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Wednesday 9 October 2013 23:28

Why is your profile picture of your back? I could understand it if you were ripped or something...

LarissaAllen 10

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Thursday 10 October 2013 14:52

Showing off the Ram logo he has tattooed on his back I think.

thehuntress309 12

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Wednesday 9 October 2013 16:21

If you report the picture there's an option that says you're in it and you don't want it up there. Facebook may take it down for you if you really want it gone.

imagineapc 11

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Wednesday 9 October 2013 16:26

No they won't. You have to have several photos, comments, statuses, etc before Facebook will act on removing anything from someone's profile. If its her photo, it's her intellectual property. Just because the ugly friend is in it doesn't mean she has any rights to it at all.

Voij 16

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Wednesday 9 October 2013 16:34

First of all: All pictures on facebook are property of facebook, unless trademarked/registered by other institutions. Most importantly, however, none of the pictures you upload to facebook actually belong to you. [Well, the originals do... the versions that are on facebook belong to facebook. It's in the EULA, read it some time.] Now couple this with the fact that facebook implemented an option to, at least in theory, have pictures of you deleted if you don't want to be shown in them and we reach a simple conclusion: Reporting this picture at least has a chance of getting it removed from facebook. (Whether anybody eventually comes around to taking care of this report is another thing entirely, though.)

CountryGirlx 4

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Wednesday 9 October 2013 17:05

Wow. Aren't you just a bundle of joy. You automatically think she's "ugly" just because one picture made her look bad? She could be amazingly gorgeous for all you know. Don't judge so quickly.

_Princess_Peach_ 9

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Wednesday 9 October 2013 16:25

Talk about 1st world problems. It is INSANE how crazy people get over Facebook and make everything into dramatics. Just step away!

150493x 29

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Wednesday 9 October 2013 16:26

She's probably that "friend" who hangs around with certain people so she seems more attractive. Or so she thinks. You don't need someone like this, OP!