Today, I accidentally sat on my sister's imaginary monkey. She then stabbed me with a pencil. I still can't get the piece of graphite out of my hand. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I insulted my younger sister's hamster. She then smashed me with a stool. FML
Today, I thought it'd be funny to knee my sister's ass as she was bending over. What I didn't realise was that she was trying to pick up a spider. In shock, she threw it in the air and it landed on my chest. I ran into a wall trying to get it off. FML
Today, while babysitting, I got stabbed by a 7 year-old with a mechanical pencil. FML
Today, my sister thought it would be funny to place a cardboard cut-out of a person at the foot of my bed. I woke up, saw the cut-out from the corner of my eye, fell out of bed, landed on my hand wrong, and broke two fingers. She got it all on video. FML
Today, I smashed a spider with my pencil eraser. Later, I absentmindedly chewed on it while doing my homework. FML
Today, my mom sat on a pencil and started bleeding. She then made me clean the wound on her butt and put ointment on it. FML
Today, I discovered that my sister coloured in the pages of my college text books with Sharpie as "revenge." FML
Today, my little sister started freaking out, because she was playing with some white-out eraser and got some on her finger. She started crying inconsolably because she thought her entire finger was going to disappear. FML
Today, my sister and I had a fight. In her rage, she threw piles of dirty laundry at me. One of her bloody panties hit me on the face. FML
Today, my sister kicked me up the ass with such precision that I’m still bleeding from my asshole where the toe of her shoe tore the skin. FML
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Top comments
abc2601 20
Is the monkey okay?
invadermaythe1st 35
Bit over the top...
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Comments (101)
DoomSkuller 28
I still have a small piece of mechanical pencil lead in my arm from ~4 years ago when a friend-ish stabbed me
Cebolamole 13
Imagine how the monkey feels!
kingnothing123x 11
Girls can be demons hope you get better
AviKerensky 17
I got stabbed, myself, with a pencil in middle school. I'm 31, and it's still there.
ViviMage 40
You may have luck with a sterilized tweezer, but you may need to go to the ER to have it removed. I feel on sharp ice, got mud trapped in the wound, and still have a mud "tattoo."
jeepers_1 21
there is no point in wasting yours and the hospitals time getting graphite out. it won't do anything damaging.
worldclassrager 41
Good thing their not made of lead anymore... Go to a ready care...they'll get it out
EarlFug 19
At least it wasn't a rhinoceros
ryannmichael 17
Did you learn your lesson?
Calingaladha 21
You sat on her monkey, of course she'd go bananas.
Futacy 30
Introduce her imaginary monkey to your imaginary industrial sized wood chipper. And let the fun begin.