Today, during a silent breathing meditation at the Buddhist center, I accidentally let one rip which echoed through the meditation chamber. If that wasn't bad enough, the follow-up odor was enough to fell a charging rhinoceros. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, as suggested by the my therapist, I tried practicing mindfulness meditation while on a break at work to reduce stress. Midway through my deep breaths, I accidentally let out a loud and unexpected snore. My coworkers now think I've taken my relaxation techniques to a whole new level. FML
Today, I let out the most horrific, loudest, and most vile smelling fart I have ever had in my life while in the middle of yoga class. Out of embarrassment, I tried to lessen the tension in the silent room by giggling, but no one saw the funny side. I was given looks of horror, and avoided by everyone else for the rest of the class. FML
Today, while a patient in my local psych ward, I attended a relaxation group. Apparently it was too relaxing, as I farted in the middle of it. It smelled. People noticed. FML
Today, I was in a meeting when I felt a sneeze coming on. I tried to hold it in to avoid making a noise. Instead, I ended up sneeze-imploding so hard that I accidentally farted at the same time. The entire room went silent. FML
Today, I accidentally let out a silent but obscenely deadly fart in the doctor's waiting room. It was so foul that a woman got insanely pissed at her kid because she thought he'd shat his pants again. FML
Today, I let out the most vile, nose-melting dairy curdling fart of my life. The sound didn’t wake me up. But the nightmare I had from how rank smelling it was sure did. My own fart ruined my sleep. FML
Today, I had to go to the dentist to have a cavity filled. Around halfway through the procedure, something broke the silence in the room. It was my dentist, who had farted. I had to smell his rancid flatulence for around the next five minutes. All the while, I had to keep my mouth wide open. FML
Today, I was nervously observing a delicate medical procedure while training at my new job. I tried to stifle a sneeze and instead (as you can probably guess) ripped the biggest, most cartoonishly loud fart of my life. My ass sounded like a tuba and I was asked to leave the room. FML
Today, while as a therapist, a client made an audible fart and pointed out that she had done so. Shortly after, she wrinkled her nose as she savored the odor. She began to discuss her significant trauma issues. Before I could respond, her fart wafted over to me, making any mature response pointless. FML
Today, at work, I needed to fart and thought it would be fast and silent, so I let it rip. I was wrong. Everyone turned around and looked at me as my fart rolled on for a good 10 seconds. The worst part, I screamed, "It wasn't me!" while I was still farting. FML
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Top comments
tannerianian 11
Being Buddhist myself a big role in it is compassion/forgiveness etc. hopefully everyone there followed that. Otherwise FYL happens to everyone at some point el though OP don't worry(:
beannlove 7
*accidentally let one rip* means OP was not expecting to fart, and it just slipper out on them by surprise..
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Comments (64)
GothickNihilist 15
And chickpeas.
RedPillSucks 33
Could have been worse. You could have been doing downward facing dog and blasted the person directly behind you (Yes, I know that's Yoga, not Buddhist meditation)
Quasar55_fml 18
Is it me or all names of yoga positions sound like something sexual ?
GarageDragon 22
I remember moderating this one. Laughed so much when I read it.
Connect 10
Hehe you should write as a living OP.
GTAmax99 12
It felt like I was there!
DanielleinDC 34
Just what are you eating to cause such vile farts? Good gravy. But I just can't help laughing at this one.
asb818 14
Somehow I don't think he was eating good gravy
DanielleinDC 34
It's an expression, folks.
asb818 14
Yeah, we know. You obviously don't understand sarcasm.
perdix 31
I hope you continued with the diaphragmatic deep breathing. You deserve to have fart particles lingering in the depths of your lungs until you achieve Nirvana.
HowieDoIt 21
Speaking of Nirvana, I think this is what took out Kurt Cobain
DropBearMeat 23
To "fell." For example, "I felled a tree."
gc327072 31
And garlic :-/
anythingmustbe 18
So is that why shaolin monks are silent but deadly?