Intimacy, Kids, Health and Painful: Punctured

Punctured

By Anonymous - 21/09/2023 15:00

Today, thanks to my son leaving his sharpened colouring pencils all over the sofa before I sat down, I had to go to hospital with a deep hole poked in my left testicle. I always suspected he didn’t want younger siblings but this is going too far. FML

I agree, your life sucks 444

You deserved it 99

Intimacy Kids Health Painful

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Someone's getting coal from Santa...

By Anonymous - 15/12/2017 15:00

Today, my nephew stabbed me in the knee with a colouring pencil. The hospital says he ripped a hole in a tendon and I need surgery to fix it or one day it'll snap. I’ll have a limp for the rest of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 960

You deserved it 275

Painful party trick

By Anonymous - 15/09/2022 19:00

Today, I caught my idiot son with a pencil up his penis, because apparently he wanted to see if he could use it to write with as a party trick to impress girls. I demanded he take it out, which he did, but the rubber eraser stayed inside his penis. Now I’m spending my Sunday holding his hand in A&E. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 707

You deserved it 238

By myfamilyisodd - 15/10/2011 17:05 - United States

Today, I had to take my son to the emergency room for shooting himself in the ass with a BB gun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 457

You deserved it 5 227

Just a prank, dad

By Anonymous - 11/09/2020 17:01

Today, my son got drunk and managed to colour in my bald patch with permanent marker while I was asleep. It’s super noticeable and I look like a complete prat. Plus in a few hours, I’m supposed to be on my first date since my divorce 12 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 621

You deserved it 161

Dr Pimple Popper

By Anonymous - 04/04/2022 22:00

Today, a doctor squeezed so much cheese out of a huge lump on my nutsack, for a second I was convinced he’d poked a hole in my bollock and was squeezing out my baby-making juice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070

You deserved it 404

Nutshot

By Blue Nut Records - 31/10/2023 18:00 - Switzerland - Delémont

Today, I managed to squeeze a testicle between my thigh and a drawer while doing the dishes. From the floor, writhing in pain, I watched my wife laughing hysterically while our two year-old ran up to jump on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 293

You deserved it 68

What goes up…

By Anonymous - 18/06/2020 17:02

Today, I had to take my daughter to hospital because her butt swallowed her dildo. Try as I might, in the waiting area her dad and I couldn’t stop giggling at random intervals at the absurdity of the situation, so she’s probably never going to speak to us again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 252

You deserved it 325

By ohcrap - 02/08/2011 04:58 - United States

Today, my son drew in Sharpie all over the wall, so I spanked him as punishment. When my boss came over for dinner, my son shouted, "Daddy made me take my punishment in the butt." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 462

You deserved it 16 116

By blindedbyOCD - 03/09/2018 01:30

Today, I accidentally poked myself in the left eye. As I sat there in pain, my 9-year-old nephew, who we think has OCD, decided to help out by poking me in the right eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 941

You deserved it 246

By crushed dreams - 16/06/2011 06:20 - United States

Today, I went from a party where both of my girlfriends decided to show, to a hospital bed with no girlfriends and a painful left testicle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 520

You deserved it 243 945

IHaveThePower 16

Friday 22 September 2023 5:45

Ahh, the fun times of getting injured by your offspring...

xllabraxasllx 18

Friday 22 September 2023 21:09