Today, during a silent breathing meditation at the Buddhist center, I accidentally let one rip which echoed through the meditation chamber. If that wasn't bad enough, the follow-up odor was enough to fell a charging rhinoceros. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, as suggested by the my therapist, I tried practicing mindfulness meditation while on a break at work to reduce stress. Midway through my deep breaths, I accidentally let out a loud and unexpected snore. My coworkers now think I've taken my relaxation techniques to a whole new level. FML
Today, I let out the most horrific, loudest, and most vile smelling fart I have ever had in my life while in the middle of yoga class. Out of embarrassment, I tried to lessen the tension in the silent room by giggling, but no one saw the funny side. I was given looks of horror, and avoided by everyone else for the rest of the class. FML
Today, while a patient in my local psych ward, I attended a relaxation group. Apparently it was too relaxing, as I farted in the middle of it. It smelled. People noticed. FML
Today, I was in a meeting when I felt a sneeze coming on. I tried to hold it in to avoid making a noise. Instead, I ended up sneeze-imploding so hard that I accidentally farted at the same time. The entire room went silent. FML
Today, I accidentally let out a silent but obscenely deadly fart in the doctor's waiting room. It was so foul that a woman got insanely pissed at her kid because she thought he'd shat his pants again. FML
Today, I let out the most vile, nose-melting dairy curdling fart of my life. The sound didn’t wake me up. But the nightmare I had from how rank smelling it was sure did. My own fart ruined my sleep. FML
Today, I had to go to the dentist to have a cavity filled. Around halfway through the procedure, something broke the silence in the room. It was my dentist, who had farted. I had to smell his rancid flatulence for around the next five minutes. All the while, I had to keep my mouth wide open. FML
Today, I was nervously observing a delicate medical procedure while training at my new job. I tried to stifle a sneeze and instead (as you can probably guess) ripped the biggest, most cartoonishly loud fart of my life. My ass sounded like a tuba and I was asked to leave the room. FML
Today, while as a therapist, a client made an audible fart and pointed out that she had done so. Shortly after, she wrinkled her nose as she savored the odor. She began to discuss her significant trauma issues. Before I could respond, her fart wafted over to me, making any mature response pointless. FML
Today, at work, I needed to fart and thought it would be fast and silent, so I let it rip. I was wrong. Everyone turned around and looked at me as my fart rolled on for a good 10 seconds. The worst part, I screamed, "It wasn't me!" while I was still farting. FML
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Top comments
tannerianian 11
Being Buddhist myself a big role in it is compassion/forgiveness etc. hopefully everyone there followed that. Otherwise FYL happens to everyone at some point el though OP don't worry(:
beannlove 7
*accidentally let one rip* means OP was not expecting to fart, and it just slipper out on them by surprise..
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Comments (64)
bishbosh 7
Awesome weapon that still enables you to practice Buddhism. You don't have to be violent to unleash your wrath upon people! :D
karlcolt45 19
breeeeaathhh innnn... and breeeaaath-OPEN A WINDOW-out...
windfuelsfire 10
Good on you to pick up meditation, it's a wonderful tool and is widely underestimated. It takes time and patience to master, but the benefits far outweigh your investment.
buddy51 23
Your fragrance proved the Buddha's point about suffering.
igive 29
I'm sure they'ed noticed after breathing in deeply.
scanner_ca 10
Lol... And all along i thought that silence makes the deadliest effect when it comes to farts. This proves me wrong. FYL OP.
TheDrifter 24
And fried spam and egg sandwiches.
akiahara 14
At least they were Buddhists and not some other, less friendly religious types.
outoftown 27
like a church full of concealed-carrying christians
TheDrifter 24
Bigoted much? I'm sure the Christians will forgive you anyhow.
outoftown 27
just following the news. don't hear much about concealed-carry in temples, etc
lambda_fml 40
This made me think of the movie 300.
EnterSandman_fml 20
Meditation is supposed to be relaxing. You achieved this, though your intestines may have relaxed a little too much.