Work and Kids: Today, at work, I had to help a teenager who was stuck in a toy...

By mala_19 - Sweden

Today, at work, I had to help a teenager who was stuck in a toy car for kids, and no, it was not in one piece when she finally got out. FML

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3064

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Work

Kids

There's no helping some people

My booze

It's called being a wage slave

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was pulling into a parking garage space and using the next car over to judge where the wall was in front of me, but ended up whumping my front bumper as I pulled forward. Wondering what had happened, I got out to see that the car I was aligning myself against had hit the wall too. FML

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9338

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By dumbluck - United States

Today, I was driving in stop and go traffic and passed two accidents in the process. I got nervous and decided to change routes to avoid getting hit. As I was trying to find an alternative route on my GPS, I rear-ended the car in front of me. FML

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9292

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By Were do we go... - United States

Today, I played a game with my boyfriend. The point of the game is to write down everything you like about someone. I put down at least ten things for him. He had one thing down for me: my boobs. FML

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29000

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By hairless by death - United States - Santa Rosa

Today, I went on a date with a guy I really liked. The date was going great until he decided to try flossing his teeth with my hair. FML

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52179

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, for the first time ever, while I was driving I ran over a squirrel. It was in front of three little girls at their lemonade stand. FML

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41604

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I called my parents from out of state to see if they would order me a pizza using their credit card online because I'm out of money. I haven't lived with them for the past year, and they still claim me as a dependent on their taxes. They said no. FML

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15664

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By Anonymous - 12/10/2020 10:01

Artists are unpredictable

Today, I sent a tweet to my favourite artist to tell him that I loved his work. He replied that I was being rude and blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

989

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110

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By bigmouthedmommy - United States - San Francisco

Today, my husband and I caught our 12-year-old son "experimenting" with a 5-foot tall stuffed Mickey Mouse. He even made sure to rip Mickey's pants off. FML

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34451

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By Herbiee - United Kingdom

Today, I shaved off the beard I had been forced to grow over the past 3 weeks due to forgetting my razor when away. 15 Minutes in, with half my beard gone, I realised I had got a tan everywhere but my beard. I now have a large white patch on my face. FML

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32393

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I decided to formally introduce my girlfriend to my parents. My dad took the opportunity to apologize for walking in on us a few days ago while we were having sex. It wasn't her. Thanks dad. FML

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26278

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By WillaminaL - Canada

Today, while over at a friend's house, I saw a framed picture of a young African boy on her fridge. I asked, "Oh, is this one of those kids you adopt from third world countries? My grandma does that too." She responded, "What do you mean? That's my cousin." FML

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11090

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, during our wedding, my wife tried to dodge The Kiss. FML

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56560

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4120

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By Cliché... or Touché?

FML: Uncensored

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head during the horror flick we were watching. Little did I know, my girlfriend isn't a big fan of horror films. It was during a sex scene that intensified the moment. The same sex scene from which emerged a sudden jump-scare. I now have bite marks on my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36693

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61735

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By MK. - 21/4/2021 02:00

It's all about that D

Today, at the age of 22, I found out that Wednesday has another D in it. Literally no one ever corrected me. FML

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345

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752

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw my friend at the mall. He didn't see me, so I called him to say "Turn around." He took one look at his phone, snorted loudly enough for me to hear from way off, and put it back in his pocket. FML

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26828

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By latepayer - United States

Today, I found out that I owed my school $0.20. They decided to charge me a late fee of $20 for deferring the intial payment. FML

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30778

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4031

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By fatty - United States

Today, my fitness trainer husband told me that if I could not make the commitment to stay thin, he could not make the commitment to stay with me. FML

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46274

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15632

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By GaveAnInchTakeAMile - United States

Today, my brother's friend was about to drive home drunk, so I convinced him to think and not be stupid. It wasn't an invitation to puke on my floor then try to crawl into bed with me. FML

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46495

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5829

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By maddy - France

Today, I'm looking for a job, and the employer I spoke to by phone was busy, but before hanging up he said "we will call you soon". I still wonder how he plans to do so without even having asked for my number. FML

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22731

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2600

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By Anonymous - 27/12/2020 01:01 - United States - Saint Joseph

Stranded

Today, my husband found out that not only has he tested positive for influenza A, but also has tested positive for Covid 19. My work won't let me return until I have isolated for 14 days from someone with Covid. Our house is really small. FML

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768

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110

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By Username

Today, I can't attend an interview for a great job because I have an exam. An exam I need to pass in order to have a great job like the one I'm missing the interview for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35178

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By Sleepdeprived - United States - Falmouth

Today, I bought some crickets as a treat for my lizard. One escaped and somehow got into the heating system in my room. The chirping is amplified and comes from everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Goodbye, restful sleep. FML

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46960

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By Rescheduled - United States - Daly City

Today, after waiting months for an appointment with a doctor who specializes in the disease I have, I showed up at his practice, only to find the cops executing a search warrant. FML

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13335

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1009

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I slept through my alarm because it was drowned out by humming. My humming, in my sleep. Even my body is against me waking up on time. FML

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27847

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By sassy_girl144 - United Kingdom - Newbury

Today, I learned one of life's great lessons: it is possible to squeeze a Ketchup bottle so hard that the plastic breaks and everything lands on your face. FML

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25347

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By beckzx58 - United States

Today, I was pretending to use the force to operate the elevator at my hotel, getting really into it. Someone was waiting to get on at my floor and saw me. Not to mention the staff now brings it up every time I'm around. Apparently they have cameras in their elevators. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10308

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By William - France

Today, we had the (great?) idea of having sex on a bean bag before my roomate got back home. Result: thousands of small polystyrene balls all over the living room. And no, they can't be picked up in 30 minutes. FML

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15585

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By pain - United States

Today, I learned the hard way that you should never use medical tape to secure gauze over a razor cut on your scrotum. FML

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10141

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By Deadbed

Today, I had sex with my wife. After we finished and were cuddling, she said, "This is the part I like." FML

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1745

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586

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By graveyard-sh*t

Oh, hi Sharon!

Today, my psycho ex-girlfriend showed up at my new job to, "Keep an eye on me." The same ex-girlfriend who has been stalking me since we broke up. Two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1856

You deserved it

179

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By galladore - United States - Bensenville

Today, my oldest friend got engaged to her loving boyfriend of one year. Meanwhile, I can't even get my boyfriend of more than four years to commit to a decision of what he wants for dinner. FML

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32421

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By Roostermann25 - United States - Lebanon

Today, while meeting some of the big boss guys at my new job, one of the men sneezed on his hand and then grabbed mine for a handshake. I felt every gooey bit of his snot between our hands. FML

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13787

You deserved it

969

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By rotezora - Switzerland - Basel

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by rapping in a voicemail. FML

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31419

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3580

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By bouncekitty - United States

Today, I had all of my wisdom teeth removed. After the anesthesia wore off, I asked how long the procedure took, and the nurse told me a little less than an hour. Apparently I thought this was hilarious and started laughing, which ripped my new stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31318

You deserved it

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By vey - China - Beijing

Today, and for the third time this week, I found a pubic hair in my soup. I'm currently bed-ridden and can't afford to piss off my boyfriend by complaining. FML

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43676

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By Anonymous - United States - Sun Prairie

Today, at the hospital I work at, I had to deliver my best friend's baby. I later found out that my ex boyfriend was the father. Normally this wouldn't faze me, but it did because we broke up last month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48633

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By Gahh... - Canada - Surrey

Today, I had to show my husband a video on how to brush your teeth. FML

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22958

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By Khagen - 27/1/2021 05:01

Supportive

Today, after two rounds of antibiotics, I got a yeast infection. My husband started calling me "Yeasty." FML

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602

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By Anonymous

Today, I woke up to my drunk mom trying to pee in the dresser drawer of our hotel, with my clothes in it. I woke up right in time to yell at her. Pants down and all. She started denying there were even clothes in there. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Lafayette

Today, I was finally given a parking spot at work. It turns out to be between an expensive sports car that never parks straight and a giant truck too big for its space. FML

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 30

#7469246 - Monday 12 June 2017 16:44

Yes. My story is exactly the same as yours, except I'm a dude.

By Tarlachia | 33

#7469203 - Monday 12 June 2017 14:38

Man, they'll recruit anyone for the Decepticons, won't they?

COMMENTS

By Tarlachia | 33

#7469203 - Monday 12 June 2017 14:38

Man, they'll recruit anyone for the Decepticons, won't they?

By RichardPencil | 30

#7469227 - Monday 12 June 2017 16:01

We break,
we cry.
You break,
you buy.

Bella Lee | 3

#7469322 - Monday 12 June 2017 19:01

Hahaha.goodjob

By Cali | 54

#7469229 - Monday 12 June 2017 16:05

Yikes. I got stuck in a dress once while shopping but managed to wiggle my way out. Any of you guys have a better story?

RichardPencil | 30

#7469246 - Monday 12 June 2017 16:44

Yes. My story is exactly the same as yours, except I'm a dude.

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7469270 - Monday 12 June 2017 17:20

Please tell me it was one of those Little Tikes Cozy Coupes!

By LEbleuDESreves | 10

#7469399 - Monday 12 June 2017 21:26

Not being an adultes yet, she still has the right to act like a kid. A luxury we do not allow ourselves to do once fully grown up ...