Work and Kids: Today, at work, I had to help a teenager who was stuck in a toy...

By mala_19 - Sweden

Today, at work, I had to help a teenager who was stuck in a toy car for kids, and no, it was not in one piece when she finally got out. FML

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3048

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Work

Kids

Late term

On yer bike

Can they do that?

By frustrated girlfriend - United States - Raleigh

Today, my boyfriend and I spent all day preparing an amazing meal for my extended family, and then 3 hours before dinner his crazy mother forced him home because she felt "excluded". He's spent the past 3 days with her. There's no way for me to keep him and get rid of her. FML

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5154

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439

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By Dino

Today, I drove a total of 4 hours for my boss to demote me, downgrade my pay, and make the kid I hired my new boss. Why? Because I asked about the $500 missing from my paycheck. FML

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3724

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161

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I dropped my blackberry, but thanks to the protective gel case that I just purchased for it... it bounced and fell right into a sidewalk drainage sewer. FML

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45253

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By meowitzer - 22/4/2020 05:02

All over the place

Today, a close, funny friend who has quite the attitude, received a long email from a long-time friend of hers, telling her how difficult she is. When I told her it doesn’t matter, that she is still wonderful, she went off on how bad a friend I am for saying that, and then deleted me off WhatsApp. FML

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1321

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By pencilskirt

Today, at school, one of my students confidently told me that I "wasn't hiding my baby bump very well anymore." I'm not pregnant. Just fat, apparently. FML

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2034

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268

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By TheNoseKnows - United States - Bronx

Fair Warning

Today, while sitting in a bar, I offered to buy the drunk chick sitting next to me a drink. She was a lot more inebriated than I thought, because she looked at me with bloodshot eyes and cheerfully responded, "There's a rotten smell in my vagina!" FML

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7674

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By Anonymous - United States - South Salem

Today, I heard the ice cream truck. Being the idiot that I am, I ran down the steps and almost immediately fell down them. I needed four stitches. I didn't even get my ice cream. FML

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22995

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By Anonymous - Ukraine - Kiev

Today, after weeks of being engaged and with the wedding date planned, I finally told my parents. They told me it was my best April Fool's joke ever. I should've waited one more day. FML

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21321

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By mee - 10/10/2020 05:01

Messed up

Today, I started new meds because I’ve been emotionally numb since I was 14. I never learned how to manage real feelings and I’m on a rollercoaster that involves crying over nothing, feeling jealous of my husband’s Xbox, and getting angry at inanimate objects. Is there a return policy on this? FML

I agree, your life sucks

1260

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182

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By peter - Indonesia

Today, it's my birthday. I'm a pastry chef by profession. Not only did my family buy a cake from my bakery, I had to make it myself and inscribe it with 'Happy Birthday Dad'. The worst part is, they asked money from me to pay for it. FML

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47642

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she felt that her puppy was lonely while we dated. FML

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53567

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By loud sweeper

Mrs Heckles?

Today, my batshit crazy downstairs neighbor threatened me with "legal action" for making too much noise. According to her, it’s "illegal" for people in upstairs apartments to use vacuum cleaners, therefore I must sweep my carpets to avoid disturbing her and her imaginary guests. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2017

You deserved it

121

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By Anonymous

Today, I told my boyfriend that eventually I want to get my ears pinned back because I think that they stick out too much. I pulled my hair back to show him, and he said, "Yeah, they're different sizes too, and the left one sticks out more than the right one." FML

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1515

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492

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By Username

Today, my boyfriend punched a hole in a door. This is on top of the broken handle, cracked sink top, dented fridge, and other holes in the wall he has also made. We are 4 months into our year lease. I don't think we are getting our $720 deposit back. FML

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27570

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By Bambusmaster

Sobering.

Today, I'm on vacation with my best friends. We went to a club and I drunk texted my girlfriend of 1 year about how nice everything is and how much I miss her. She responded by breaking up with me because she likes me more as a friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2745

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208

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By Semius

Today, I saved a young girl from drowning in a hotel pool with no lifeguards on duty. The girl's mother was too busy on her phone to notice what was happening, and when I called out to her, she started yelling at her daughter for going in too far. Never bothered to thank me for saving her kid either. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2001

You deserved it

144

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By Anonymous

Today, I found out that someone left an open sharpie pen in the dryer. It left pen marks on everything inside of the dryer. Not just one or two pen marks, but nearly 1,000 on each article of clothing. FML

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1750

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158

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By Done - 24/11/2020 05:02 - Italy

Go vegan

Today, my roommate decided to go vegan and threw all of MY meats, cheeses, chocolates and even beans for some reason in the trash, because he "doesn't need that kind of toxic waste" in his life. FML

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915

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By Disappointed - 4/9/2020 20:08 - Austria

Quickie

Today, my 6-minute-long-shower lasted 3 times as long as the sex prior to it. Including foreplay. FML

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1330

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239

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By hiccups - United States - Canton

Today, after hours of trying to put a screaming baby to sleep, she finally fell asleep in my arms. I was so happy. Then, I got the hiccups. FML

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34610

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By LonelyStranger - United States - Lake Stevens

Alone

Today, I was really excited to go to a party because I need to make more friends. Too bad a snowstorm hit right before I was going to leave, now I'm alone with no power. FML

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2334

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203

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By Jen - Australia

Today, I arrived home to find I'd been broken in to. The culprit? An obese homeless man, who I found face down, unconscious, and surrounded by muesli bar wrappers in my pantry. He broke in, ate everything in sight, soiled himself, and passed out. The worst part? The cops don't even believe me. FML

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36692

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By shitttyyyday - United States

Today, I got my period at school. I didn't notice until a boy asked me if I'd killed someone in my pants. FML

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48719

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By serenti - Sweden

Today, my boyfriend told me that the only reason he likes me is because I let him watch porn without throwing a fuss. FML

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33996

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By Adopted

Today, my mom realized that the "door" part in "screen door" doesn't block sound when she began to talk to our neighbours about how much of a failure I am. I heard everything. FML

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14431

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By Angela17

Today, it's 3:42am and my son is crying because I won't let him play with his dirty diaper. FML

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2865

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297

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By Dopamin3

Today, driving to a conference 2 hours away a giant piece of ice fell off a truck and did severe damage to my car hood and busted the front light. The car was a few months old with around 5000 miles on it. FML

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2146

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By Anonymous - 20/2/2020 14:00

My alarm

Today, yet again, I woke up at the sound of my parents having sex like apes, and couldn't get back to sleep. FML

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1844

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By Potential Bridezilla - United Arab Emirates

Today, a week after my fiancé and I got engaged, his mother is already complaining that she isn't involved enough in the wedding arrangements. We haven't even set a date yet. FML

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31211

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By Anonymous - Ireland

Today, I gave a safe sex speech to teens at my local high school. This was just ten minutes after my girlfriend had texted me, telling me she's pregnant. FML

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14127

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By NaniNarcotic - Australia

Today, I thought it'd be funny to knee my sister's ass as she was bending over. What I didn't realise was that she was trying to pick up a spider. In shock, she threw it in the air and it landed on my chest. I ran into a wall trying to get it off. FML

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8864

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By Anonymous

Thanks for that, dad!

Today, I mentioned to my family that I was sad about the fact that I was thirty-five years-old, single, and had no children. My father piped up from the next room, "What man in his right would want your lopsided tits, fat thighs, and fucked-up nose in their gene pool?" FML

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2349

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220

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By Anonymous - Australia - Kew

Today, I saw a photo on Instagram of my friend flipping the camera the bird. She'd tagged it under "irony", so I jokingly suggested that she borrow a dictionary. She responded with a tirade of abuse, claimed to be sleeping with my boyfriend, and blocked me an hour later. FML

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26471

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By Clementine - Australia - Saint Kilda

Today, I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. After dessert, he went to the bathroom so I quickly called the waiter over and paid the bill, thinking it was a nice gesture. When he returned, he broke up with me for "emasculating" him. FML

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29034

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By Anonymous - United States - Buffalo

Bisexual!

Today, I found a note in my boyfriend's phone titled "People's I've had sex with". There are also dates next to the notes which represented the day he had sex with them. Not only that it was NOT me who is the last person on the list, but I also realized that the last person on the list was my best friend. And he's a guy. FML

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2619

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242

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom walks into my room, with a serious look on her face asks me "When a man is getting it from behind, the man on top orgasms, but what happens to the man on bottom? Do you think he takes care of himself or what?" Hand motions were included. FML

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85646

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By Anonymous - United States - Davis

Today, my boyfriend told me that he doesn't know why I think deepthroating is so uncomfortable. To prove his point, he grabbed my dildo and effortlessly slid it down his throat. FML

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34696

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By sinceresally

Today, I finally got the courage to ask my workmate about her tattoo. She's been in the office for 4 months and I'd always wondered why she had a red cheese grater tattooed on her arm. So I asked. Turns out it's a lady's shoe. She walked away from me and never talked to me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7200

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1337

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By CyberPsycho - United States - Nashville

Today, I noticed quite a few scars on one of my coworker's legs. I pulled her aside and told her that self-harm was never the answer, and if she needed to talk I was always there. Turns out she's just clumsy and trips a lot. FML

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12055

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized I've been sinking into a deep depression, ignoring all my friends, and don't know what to do with my life anymore. This is all because I gave up Facebook for lent. FML

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17717

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 29

#7469246 - Monday 12 June 2017 16:44

Yes. My story is exactly the same as yours, except I'm a dude.

By Tarlachia | 33

#7469203 - Monday 12 June 2017 14:38

Man, they'll recruit anyone for the Decepticons, won't they?

COMMENTS

By Tarlachia | 33

#7469203 - Monday 12 June 2017 14:38

Man, they'll recruit anyone for the Decepticons, won't they?

By RichardPencil | 29

#7469227 - Monday 12 June 2017 16:01

We break,
we cry.
You break,
you buy.

Bella Lee | 3

#7469322 - Monday 12 June 2017 19:01

Hahaha.goodjob

By Cali | 54

#7469229 - Monday 12 June 2017 16:05

Yikes. I got stuck in a dress once while shopping but managed to wiggle my way out. Any of you guys have a better story?

RichardPencil | 29

#7469246 - Monday 12 June 2017 16:44

Yes. My story is exactly the same as yours, except I'm a dude.

By Glowworm56 | 25

#7469270 - Monday 12 June 2017 17:20

Please tell me it was one of those Little Tikes Cozy Coupes!

By LEbleuDESreves | 10

#7469399 - Monday 12 June 2017 21:26

Not being an adultes yet, she still has the right to act like a kid. A luxury we do not allow ourselves to do once fully grown up ...