By @KillingerExp - United States - New York Today, I got high-fived in the face by a jellyfish. Twice. #FML @KillingerExp I agree, your life sucks 1859 You deserved it 207 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fmylife117 - United States Today, my boyfriend renamed all the contacts in my phone to see if I'd notice. Thanks to him, I've been sending dirty texts to my boss. The worst part is my boss was responding back. FML I agree, your life sucks 52184 You deserved it 6111 104 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By michellenKG - United States Today, it's my birthday. The only thing I got was a coupon for a couples acupuncture session from my sister. I'm single and have an extreme fear of needles. FML I agree, your life sucks 30077 You deserved it 2626 98 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Thatkid - Singapore Today, my friend had a Coke can on his desk in class. It was empty but I was thirsty so I picked it up thinking I could try to get that little bit of Coke always left at the bottom. When I took a sip I found out he had been picking his fingernails and putting them in the can. FML I agree, your life sucks 18662 You deserved it 56407 43 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Mother of a dumb blonde Top Chef Today, I had to explain to my daughter that no, just because the word, "salad" is in the name, it doesn't mean that macaroni or potato salad are automatically healthy for you. She still doesn't believe me. She's 19. FML I agree, your life sucks 3773 You deserved it 665 17 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ugly - United States - Jerseyville Today, I went to my high school reunion. Someone walked up to me and said, "Wow, you look so different!" She then followed it up with, "You used to be so pretty, what happened?" FML I agree, your life sucks 44058 You deserved it 3481 65 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I took my best friend to an 80's party. She drank too much and ended up puking all over the interior and exterior of my car as well as inside my right legwarmer on the 30 mile trip back home. FML I agree, your life sucks 23973 You deserved it 4626 74 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Today, I went on a date for the first time in ages, only to realize that the guy I was seeing chose to take us to a restaurant to stalk his ex. FML I agree, your life sucks 2199 You deserved it 133 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Dumbweed - United States Today, my mom told me she was getting tired of that smell of marijuana in the house. So I confess and tell her I will never bring it home again. She was talking about my neighbors. FML I agree, your life sucks 15220 You deserved it 67559 238 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - India Today, the girl I've been seeing for less than a week started raging and ended up threatening me with a knife, after I shot down her idea of getting married next month. FML I agree, your life sucks 36215 You deserved it 3431 153 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - San Juan Capistrano Today, I went to a blood drive. The nurse taking my blood mentioned that she'd been called in on her day off, and she swore she wasn't drunk. I didn't know what to do, so I just smiled and blinked back tears as she savaged the vein in my arm. FML I agree, your life sucks 26720 You deserved it 3249 102 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Worst Way To Get Promoted Promoted! Today, I walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room of our restaurant. I pretended I didn't see him and quickly closed the door. About five minutes later, he came out, cupped my face in his hands and told me I was getting promoted. I'm happy, but scarred for life. FML I agree, your life sucks 1896 You deserved it 138 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Adrian16 - Norway Today, I was vacuuming our house because I wanted to help my parents. I wore a headset while listening to REALLY loud music. The vacuuming job took me two hours and when I took of my headset I noticed that I hadn't started the vacuum cleaner. FML I agree, your life sucks 11377 You deserved it 65507 228 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Kyle - United States Today, I jokingly mocked my dad about his age. He jokingly poured milk all over my head. FML I agree, your life sucks 13879 You deserved it 35847 115 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I met a girl at a bar. After buying her a few drinks, we decided to head back to her place. Not wanting to leave either of our cars, I followed her home. While driving, she sent me text because she missed her exit. I tried to text her back something witty and instead rear ended her. FML I agree, your life sucks 8550 You deserved it 69396 204 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fattysonparade - United Kingdom Today, I cycled past a group of middle school kids. They decided that they should all start shouting "FAT ALERT" while ringing the bells on their bikes. FML I agree, your life sucks 31885 You deserved it 6997 202 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By WTF - United States - Ann Arbor Today, my girlfriend of six weeks dumped me when she learned that Macedonia, where I was born, is in Europe. Apparently, she thought that I was "Asian" and she doesn't want to date a "white guy." Yeah, I'm totally confused too. FML I agree, your life sucks 58413 You deserved it 3868 115 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mylifeisfed - United States Today, I encountered one of my professors from college. Back when I was in his game theory class, he publicly criticized me for falling asleep and not paying attention, to which I retaliated by acing all of his exams. Four years and a degree later, I met him again... while working at Pizza Hut. FML I agree, your life sucks 34497 You deserved it 12718 101 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, after wondering why I've never met my father, I asked my mom if I was the product of a one night stand. She replied with, "Well, technically he didn't spend the night." FML I agree, your life sucks 33687 You deserved it 3662 70 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By justin_99 - Canada Today, I was working at Tim Hortons. A lady was in line, and she couldnt make up her mind. 20 minutes later she finally decided to get something, and she reached in her pocket. I was hoping it was a tip, but she gave me a coupon for a haircut. FML I agree, your life sucks 27946 You deserved it 3047 73 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Bashit - United States - Bullard Today, I received a call from the company I applied to, only to have my father pick it up and make fun of the man's accent. They won't call me back or take any of my calls, and my dad is completely unapologetic. FML I agree, your life sucks 29384 You deserved it 2063 95 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Canada Today, it was my birthday. I only got one message, from my dad, which was a sexual image meant for my mother. FML I agree, your life sucks 47815 You deserved it 3435 99 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Estonia - Tallinn Same Today, my boyfriend told me that he gets more pleasure out of using a Q-tip than he does having sex with me. FML I agree, your life sucks 38821 You deserved it 6045 83 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By catherineratley - United States - Carmi Today, I shut my finger in the car door. The door locked. Then I dropped the keys on the ground and couldn't reach them. FML I agree, your life sucks 35340 You deserved it 2970 80 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, my wife informed me that she wants a boyfriend but doesn't want a divorce. Also, apparently I'm horrible for not "respecting her feelings" when I told her she can't have both. FML I agree, your life sucks 4518 You deserved it 276 22 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Heather - United States Today, I thought I would make my first trip to the beach. While in the water, I was stung by a jellyfish. My friend had to pee on me. I went back into the water to wash the pee off and got stung by another jellyfish. FML I agree, your life sucks 69307 You deserved it 10896 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By misshb - United Kingdom Today, my long term ex, who broke up with me over a year ago and shattered my heart, seduced me (which wasn't hard as he knew I still had feelings for him) and as he pulled out after the couple of minutes of what he called sex, he used the line "There we go, that's your freebie." FML I agree, your life sucks 12151 You deserved it 22641 91 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Can't Win - United States - Palatine Today, my car keys decided to play hide and seek. Good news: I found them under my bed. Bad news: it was after my job interview was scheduled to start. FML I agree, your life sucks 21015 You deserved it 6516 102 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Clumsy & Forgetful - Canada Today, I found out why I'm always let off easy when I do something wrong at work. They think I have a mental handicap. I don't. I'm just clumsy and forgetful. FML I agree, your life sucks 29078 You deserved it 6023 120 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 2/9/2020 17:02 Late bloomer Today, I’m at the age where I should be married or in a committed relationship and having kids. Instead, I’m STILL single. I haven’t had a first date or a first kiss. If any of that changes, luck and time aren’t going to be on my side because biologically I won’t be able to have kids. FML I agree, your life sucks 1425 You deserved it 284 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML I agree, your life sucks 23114 You deserved it 2719 66 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my neighbor and I learned why fireworks are illegal in city limits. This lesson was learned shortly after a roman candle came crashing through my second story window. FML I agree, your life sucks 28169 You deserved it 8027 85 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I was playing rugby. I was tackled very hard at the end of a play, and I got up to find my head bleeding profusely. Not one person offered to drive me to the ER. I had to drive myself to get six stitches in the face. FML I agree, your life sucks 32849 You deserved it 3637 129 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By lily - United States Today, I was taking the bus home from work. As I was getting off an old man whistled at me, I told him to go to hell and got off the bus. When the bus drove away the old man stood in the back of the bus, holding up the wallet I left that he was trying to give to me. FML I agree, your life sucks 16422 You deserved it 134104 165 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By cagel - United States Today, I got an e-mail from my University saying I may have violated the Student Code of Conduct for being drunk in public at a football game, and now I have to go in to defend myself against charges. My lungs filled with fluid at the game, causing me to throw up. I had to be taken away in an ambulance. FML I agree, your life sucks 34661 You deserved it 2761 37 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Ricky - Canada Today, in order to look nice for a date, I tried the new blue mouthwash that turns plaque blue so you know where to brush. I couldn't get all the blue. FML I agree, your life sucks 20274 You deserved it 47714 113 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By CarSick - United States Today, I threw up in the car. While driving. The good news though, I had a bag to catch it all. Bad news? The bag had a giant hole in the bottom. FML I agree, your life sucks 31299 You deserved it 3845 68 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By forever alone - Trinidad and Tobago - San Fernando Today, I had a terrible dream where my aunt paid a stripper to have sex with me, since I'm 27 and haven't even kissed a guy yet. I ended up taking the dream-stripper to the mall for snacks instead. Even my dreams are mocking me. FML I agree, your life sucks 14675 You deserved it 1623 47 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ohgodwhy Today, me, my boyfriend and his family stayed at an AirBnB while on a trip. While I was doing my makeup, my boyfriend told me he was going to take a shower. A few minutes later, I went in the bathroom to shave my legs thinking my boyfriend was in there, but his dad was in the shower, scrubbing his ass. FML I agree, your life sucks 1544 You deserved it 560 3 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Frozen Delight - United States - New York Bewitched Today, my husband and our 4-year-old daughter were watching My Little Pony. When her favorite character angrily screamed, "You're going to love me!", she looked at him with a perplexed look. My husband then responded, "And THAT'S how I met your mommy!" FML I agree, your life sucks 2023 You deserved it 385 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my friend accidentally left her facebook logged onto my computer after she left my house. I looked on her facebook and found a very long message between her and my other friends talking about how much they hate me. FML I agree, your life sucks 44732 You deserved it 8574 130 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Christopher Martin | 12 #7712940 - Tuesday 23 October 2018 20:38 I have many questions... 8 0 Reply
By weaboo | 12 #7712957 - Tuesday 23 October 2018 21:12 Don’t go in the water in jellyfish season it’s dangerous Send a private message 5 0 Reply
By Christopher Martin | 12 #7712940 - Tuesday 23 October 2018 20:38 I have many questions... 8 0 Reply
By Luke16eirb7deneuwn1 | 20 #7712951 - Tuesday 23 October 2018 21:04 seems like you had a shocking expietience then... Send a private message 4 0 Reply
By weaboo | 12 #7712957 - Tuesday 23 October 2018 21:12 Don’t go in the water in jellyfish season it’s dangerous Send a private message 5 0 Reply
By bluhbluhbluh | 14 #7712958 - Tuesday 23 October 2018 21:17 That's your origin story? It could've been cooler but I guess that'll do.. Send a private message 4 0 Reply
By Phillycheeze | 20 #7712971 - Tuesday 23 October 2018 22:03 Money Shot? Send a private message 2 0 Reply
By Callyn | 47 #7712972 - Tuesday 23 October 2018 22:03 What is with the hashtags and @s lately? Does every site have to import that bullshit even if it doesn't work on that site? Send a private message 1 2 Reply
Reply hellphone_fml | 37 #7713005 - Tuesday 23 October 2018 23:39 I believe these are fmls from Twitter Send a private message 3 0 Reply
Reply Callyn | 47 #7713017 - Wednesday 24 October 2018 0:25 So is FML just stealing these from people's twitter accounts? Assuming that the users want them posted here? Or was there a campaign to get people to use #FML to get their tweets on here? Send a private message 3 1 Reply
By hellphone_fml | 37 #7713004 - Tuesday 23 October 2018 23:39 Ouch, when I was snorkling in Mexico we accidently went into a group of them. They hurt but at least it wasn't a deadly one Send a private message 3 0 Reply
By silentbabydeer | 10 #7713044 - Wednesday 24 October 2018 1:50 I wonder if he/she had to be pissed on the face to help relieve the pain of stinging? Send a private message 3 0 Reply
By Madrias | 36 #7713428 - Wednesday 24 October 2018 20:23 I know a good high-five is supposed to sting a little, but you're not supposed to use your face, and jellyfish never play fair. Send a private message 2 0 Reply
Today, barely able to pay rent while working 3 jobs, I decided to give in to the idea of making online sex work photos and videos. Everyone else seems... I agree, your life sucks 724 You deserved it 241 5 Comments
Today, I started to cry while masturbating. This isn't the first time that this has happened. FML I agree, your life sucks 552 You deserved it 226 4 Comments