Today, at the supermarket, my mother stopped in the middle of a lane and imitated a gorilla as a way of asking me from far away if I wanted any bananas. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went grocery shopping with my 4-year-old after having some major bathroom issues. As I walked over to get bananas, she yelled out in the middle of the produce section, "DO YOU STILL HAVE DIARRHEA MOMMY?!" FML
Today, while at the grocery store, I saw my mother. I thought it would be funny to scare her by sneaking up and grabbing her ass. Not only was it not my mom, I left the place with a ban from ever returning to that store. FML
Today, while shopping for some bananas at my local grocery store, an old woman came up to me and started rubbing my stomach. She simply asked when I was due. I am a 43 year-old man with a beer belly. FML
Today, I was in a store when a child looked at me and said to his mother "look at that tall man!" His mother replied "he's an evil giant isn't he, darling?" I then mimed being an evil giant to make the kid laugh. His mother slapped me. FML
Today, I waved at a baby while standing in line in a store. It started screaming. Its mom looked over in mild concern and gave me a disturbed glare before moving to the next checkout counter over. FML
Today, I was grocery shopping, feeling good about myself, until when I was waiting in line at the checkout, a small kid in his mother's arms in front turned to look straight at me and said, "Ewwwww." FML
Today, as I was just finishing my grocery shopping, a little girl and her mother walked past. Seeing the little girl staring at me, I waved. The girl then pointed to me and asked her mother "Mommy, is that man pregnant?" FML
Today, I was working in the produce department at my work. A lady came in to return some mangos. I asked her what the problem with the mangoes was. She said she didn't like the way they were talking to her. FML
Today, in last ditch attempt to be an adult, I trotted out to do my grocery shopping for the week. As I confidently strode through the produce aisle, I grabbed what I thought was a nice, ripe mango. At checkout, the cashier kindly informed me it was in fact a massive potato. FML
Today, I took my very talkative toddler to a grocery store. As we passed a woman in an aisle, my kid pointed and said loudly, "Mummy, why does that lady have such a funny face?" I had to awkwardly apologize while my face went beet red. FML
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Top comments
winsmithy 3
well, at least she didn't ask you if you wanted condoms.
DocBastard 40
Did you also pick up some orangs, gr-apes, and potato chimps?
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Comments (102)
melbadelb 0
I'm with a lot of people . why is this an fml? sounds like your mom is awesome and has a good sense of humor. lighten up and don't be such a Debbie downer !!!
daiissyyy 0
lmao your mom is pretty funny mann! i would be embarassed aswell!
Luckysam1984 0
Your mom is awesome. This is not a fml. At least you have a mom.
robbrown56 0
I would have turned to the nearest bypasser and said,''Don't be alarmed! Her meds will kick in in a few minuets!''
DakotaCat 4
I guess that makes you a monkey's uncle?
HooverBoy 0
a funny retarted mum, no offence ;]p
JanisEvans 10
Your mom sounds cute. Wanna swap her for my abusive sociopath of a mother?
Beaniebabima 0
that ***** B-A-N-A-N-A-S! Ahhh gwen stefani your song pertains to a fml. How ah-may-zing!!!!
ohSNAPyall 27
That shit is bananas.
ohSNAPyall 27
Oops Guess I shoulda scrolled first!
Bawxy 0
She left herself open for such a lewd joke... Actually, she left herself open for multiple lewd jokes. It almost pains me that I wasn't blessed with the opportunity to pass by at that moment.