Miscellaneous: Today, at a party I told this guy that I really liked his pirate...

By story of my life. - 21/02/2009 14:33 - Switzerland

Today, at a party I told this guy that I really liked his pirate costume. Turns out he wasn't wearing a costume, his eye was shot out with a BB gun. This explains the eye patch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 179

You deserved it 34 429

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Same thing different taste

Halloween is cancelled

By iliveformystery - 31/10/2014 15:56 - United States - Oshkosh

Today, I went to a Halloween party dressed as a pirate. Someone complimented me on how convincing the fake teeth were that I had on for my costume. I wasn't wearing fake teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 211

You deserved it 6 575

Ahoy there!

By sanza666 - 26/04/2019 00:00

Today, I shattered a coffee pot at work and ended up with a piece of glass in my eye. Now I have to look like a pirate until its healed, and it's nowhere near Halloween. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 895

You deserved it 225

By eyepatch - 19/02/2017 10:00 - United States - Albany

Today, while I was giving a school presentation about life as an injured, deformed soldier, someone asked if the reason I wear an eyepatch is because I'm a pirate. I wouldn't have minded, had I not been presenting to high-school students. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 880

You deserved it 422

By Missedtheboat - 30/10/2009 23:29 - United States

Today, I finished making an awesome costume for a Halloween party my crush was attending. I then checked the invite and found out the party was last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 691

You deserved it 32 631

By Anonymous - 05/04/2012 01:41 - United States - Lindale

Today, I started my brand new job. I was late because while repairing my favorite pair of high heels, I got Superglue in my eye. They had to scrape my cornea and I have to wear an eye patch. I'm now the "New pirate" in the office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 815

You deserved it 20 735

Halloween freakout

By cuz803 - 01/11/2022 16:00

Today, I went to my friend's costume party dressed as Michael Myers. My costume must've been too conspicuous because it drew violent attention. I'm still sore from the pushing, tackling, tripping, falling and body shots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 685

You deserved it 166

By Pwnedofthedead - 03/10/2009 15:34 - Canada

Today, I was walking to my friends Halloween themed birthday party in my zombie costume. Apparently, my crazy coke addicted neighbor found the costume too realistic. He tackled me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 822

You deserved it 3 791

By I'm an asshole - 03/11/2016 21:46 - United States - Saint Cloud

Today, I complimented a guy on his Van Gogh costume. As it turns out, he had an infection in his ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 270

You deserved it 1 621

Headshot

By suhleedah18 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was working on my computer when my dad walks in, pointing his finger at me like a gun. Before I could even ask, it turns out he was aiming a rubber band at me. The doctor says I'll be able to take off my eyepatch in a couple of days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 370

You deserved it 2 748

Rocket man

By Anonymous - 01/04/2023 04:00

Today, I attended my wife's cousins wedding. While trying to help struggling teens with fireworks, I got shot in the eye by a commercial-grade firework. I spent the rest of the night in the ER, then headed to see the eye doctor. I have about 75% of loss of vision. Hopefully it's not permanent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 925

You deserved it 266

I_love_BOAD 0

Sunday 22 February 2009 0:18

He sure understands it was a misunderstanding. it would've been worse if you said 'ARRR'.

Effedtothemax 0

Saturday 21 February 2009 23:06

Wow, F HIS Life!

Comments

ArielTheMermaid 17

Thursday 19 April 2012 4:27

Why would you think that? It was February, not Halloween.....

Blue329 15

Thursday 25 October 2012 12:33

Atleast you look young for your age

zfchatroulette 24

Thursday 24 January 2013 1:20

Wasn't there a Cyanide&Happiness comic like this?

thisisbecks 5

Saturday 10 August 2013 0:59

well I mean if he was wearing a pirates outfit he kind of had it coming

elliebaby512 2

Wednesday 2 October 2013 21:23

simple mistake. plus, he shudve laughed n just explained y he got an eyepatch

CoriCat 25

Monday 5 May 2014 6:57

Bebe gun? Lol BB Gun*

DragonPorn 15

Saturday 29 November 2014 22:28

You'll shoot your eye out, kid!

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The Top

Today, I had an argument with my partner, which resulted in us breaking up, and me leaving. I drove for half an hour before I realised I had left my handbag, purse, and licence at his place. I had to go ask for it back. FML

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Today, I took a part time job at McDonald’s and started working in the kitchen. The floor is so greasy, you can’t walk normally, you move around like you’re on an ice rink. With some momentum built up, you can even slide a couple of meters when no one is looking. FML

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Today, my boyfriend told me that if I had a penis, our relationship would be better. FML

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Today, I spent an excruciating hour walking to campus with a broken leg, only to find my professor had left a note on the door saying class was canceled. FML

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You deserved it 3 853

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend saying, "I shall be the prince, and you shall be the princess," to his hamster. Once he saw me, he quickly turned to the hamster and said, "I have to go. The dragon is here." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 631

You deserved it 8 783

Today, my boyfriend and I were play wrestling. I had pinned him down and was sitting on his chest when he suddenly squeezed my stomach, causing me to rip the loudest fart ever. He looked so shocked that I couldn't help but laugh. I laughed so hard that I accidentally peed on him as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 720

You deserved it 19 655