Today, as I was running from the cops I jumped behind a bush to hide. Turns out it was a massive thorn bush. I later had the most painful shower I have ever experienced. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was at a party, and someone called the cops on us. I dove into a bush that turned out to have thorns. I got multiple cuts and a sprained wrist, and got arrested anyway. Its kind of hard to hide from the police when you're screaming in agony. FML
Today, I came home after being stuck in traffic needing to pee really badly. When I went to the bathroom, my boyfriend was on the toilet. I couldn't hold it longer, so I went into the woods behind our house and found a bush. Relieving myself, my butt started to itch. I was sitting in Poison Ivy. FML
Today, I went for a walk. When it started pouring, I ran under the nearest tree for protection. It didn't occur to me that it might look suspicious hiding under a stranger's tree in a black hoodie, until the cops showed up. FML
Today, I was hiking down a steep hill, and I slipped. I instinctively grabbed the nearest object to me: a very prickly cactus. FML
Today, I was on a nature hike and had to use the bushes as a restroom. In doing so I stepped on an ant hill and ended up with my shorts around my ankles, dancing the Twist to fend off the ants. FML
Today, while hiking and wearing sandals, I stubbed my toe. This wouldn't have been so bad had it not been into a cactus with 3 inch thorns. FML
Today, I took a piss while doing yard work. Later, to my horror, I discovered that I had touched poison oak at some point. My penis is now blistered and swollen. FML
Today, I took a dump in the woods at a secluded lake. I used the leaves of a seemingly harmless tree to clean myself. However, I was unaware that the leaf was poisonous. It feels like a thousand hornets are attacking my ass-crack. FML
Today, I was hiking, and four miles away from my car and civilization, I tripped over a rock into a cactus. I used duct tape, which ripped all the hair off my arms and legs but ignored the spikes. FML
Today, I went on a run with this cute guy I know. I was sweating untractively and profusely so I decided to discretly grab a leaf from a tree and wipe my face with it. A bird had done the same with his ass few minutes ago. FML
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Top comments
Osmness 0
The question is... Why were you running from the cops?
abbytequiere 9
And that is why you must look before you leap...
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Comments (202)
Squeaknique 2
Guess you were in a bit of a......*puts on shades*.....Prickly Situation!..........YEAAAAAAA!!
tinysocks 11
Brilliant!
randomail44 0
U r god!
BradenLock 4
I cannot honestly believe this was posted as an FML........
quimbi 3
I don't think he was talking about the bush. I think he's trying to say A man pricked him in the county jail shower.
DrOfTheInternet 6
I think a prison shower would have been more painful...
lil_ham1644 29
I assumed that was what he meant; that he got caught & had a "prison shower."
suavesuave 2
Am afraid to ask why you were running from the cops...
AnnaMarieGoodson 3
At least you didnt get sprayed by pepperspray, that would have been an even more painful shower!
geon_olam 17
bet it wasnt as painful as a shower in prison
MerkathonPro 0
I bet you got poked on the ass, and dropped the soap!
FYLDeep 26
That's why I just carry a bag of donuts with me. I can just throw them out on the ground to distract the cops in the event they begin chasing after me.
PatGThaLord 1
Well atleast u got away... Count your blessings....