Today, as I have been for 10 years, I'm allergic to fruit. After an argument with my mother, she yelled, "Here, have a banana and go kill yourself!" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML
Today, my mom made my favorite dessert, a pudding. For some reason, she decided to put strawberries in it. She knows I’m allergic to strawberries. She said, “Stop bitching. If you don’t like it, don’t eat it then. Problem solved.” FML
Today, my family had an argument with me because I bought the wrong kind of cheese. They never said what kind they wanted. The argument ended with my mother saying that she wished she could kill herself, because of how horrible of a person I am. FML
Today, my mom had a tantrum and screamed at me over my use of bronzer. She called me a selfish bitch and claimed that I'm somehow slowly giving myself skin cancer. FML
Today, I won a lifetime supply of pineapples. One problem, I'm allergic to pineapples. FML
Today, I got excited when I learned that the fruit on the trees by my apartment building was ripe and free to pick. I picked myself some juicy summer plums and enjoyed them. Minutes later, my tongue started burning painfully. Turns out, I'm allergic to plums. FML
Today, like every other day for many years, I have a phobia of bananas. This evening, the phobia came to a head when I had a nightmare in which I was stabbed to death by a gang of walking bananas. FML
Today, I got stung by a hornet. I asked my mum to pass me my allergy medication, but she refused, because they were my brother's, saying "he's allergic to bees and wasps!" No mum, wrong kid. FML
Today, after years of having seasonal allergies and months of having my throat close up, my mom agreed to see a doctor, only to insult me in front of the doctor, saying I just find new ways to make their lives harder and I'm probably making it all up. FML
Today, my mom baked a cake for the whole family. One spent EpiPen later, I found out there were nuts in it, which I'm severely allergic to. My mom's defense was that she thought I'd have "gotten over" my allergy by now. FML
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Top comments
dancer4moon 8
She's rude!
breakingbad_fml 27
At least she didn't try and kill you herself. With that being said: Your mom is rude. ***Didn't see that first comment there, sorry.
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Comments (224)
PinkiePie_fml 14
ring ring ring
Twilight_Sparkle_fml 8
Hey Pinkie! How have you been lately?
TheCamoWulf 17
BANANA PHOOOOONE!!!!
Yousuck24 21
I've got this feeling, so appealing.
Twilight_Sparkle_fml 8
The moral of my burial, don't make idle conversation with acquaintances.
TheRandomIndian 17
I've got this feeling, so appeeling.
Yousuck24 21
THAT'S WHAT I SAID!
TheRandomIndian 17
I said "appeeling" You know, peel Peel a banana Horrible pun, but I didn't see any other so I thought I'd turn yours into one
minidinosaurgoes 9
She's just pissed that she hasn't had a "banana" recently.
MistaBlista 9
With all due respect, your mom is a bitch.
Hiimhaileypotter 53
I'm not sure if any respect is due. :P
TheRandomIndian 17
Well I'm sure no respect is due
heartemopants 18
Well? Did you eat the banana?
howdeedoo 22
Seeing as OP posted this FML, I would guess no
lilhellian 27
It takes time for these for these to post.. For we all know it is not an immediate reaction.. for we all know op did but was rushed to E.R...
robo_thunder 13
Maybe OP typed out this fml with her last dying breath for her legacy to live on forever.
llamafish 25
Wasn't there another FML a while ago about someone's grandma threatening to kill herself with a banana?
Catkam623 27
The one where the girl got grounded for not taking it seriously
melrose90210 10
That was a good one.
lostcrazydiamond 10
She's bananas with anger.
GothickNihilist 15
Your mum is a complete cockmunch to suggest that you should commit suicide. Nothing justifies telling someone to kill themselves.She should apologize and understand that her actions were wrong regardless of the situation. I hope that you and your mum can work it out.
CharresBarkrey 16
If someone comes to you and tells you they're going to go shoot up a school or a mall or something, I think it's safe to tell them to start with themself first. I say this because most shooters (especially the recent ones) tell at least one person their plans before doing so, but no one's got the balls to report them.
xsarax_fml 10
haha hey that's family! what family is happy and cheerful all the time? haha
gracehi 33
"Oh yeah? Well why don't you take that banana and go **** YOURSELF, cus no one else will!"
poccocurantes 7
First thing that came to my mind.
redhedsaysrawr 18
Did you eat the banana?
twinkiefeets 17
If she did she would be dead.
redhedsaysrawr 18
Not necessarily, maybe she could have eaten it to scare her mom and then had an Eppi pen