Love: Today, after pouring my heart out to a beautiful girl on Facebook,...

By TheNaturalOrderofThingsSucks - United States - Seattle

Today, after pouring my heart out to a beautiful girl on Facebook, and having her return the favor, she typed a final message that read, "That was my friend. Please f*ck off now. Thanks." FML

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Love

Commando

Uninvolved

Fucking Facebook memories

By anonymous - United States

Today, a cute thirty-ish chick walked into the bar I work in. I asked her for her license to make her feel young. She didn't have her license on her and started yelling about how stupid it was to even ask, when she obviously was old enough to drink. She then got up and left. FML

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By gp28 - United States

Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was approached by a policeman who asked me if I was the owner of the green Camry. Turns out my parents decided to teach me a lesson for lying where I had been by reporting the car stolen. They also wouldn't answer my one phone call. FML

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By Cold&Soaked

Today, I set my alarm and got up early to view the Super Blue Blood Moon. I was all wrapped up in a blanket and had a perfect view from my backyard. It’s been a truly amazing experience, made even more exciting by the sprinklers turning on. FML

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By KyngJulian - United States

Today, I found out I was an alcoholic. Not from my friends or family, but because the ice-maker couldn't keep up with the amount of drinks I've been making. FML

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By driving me crazy

Zzzzzzzzz

Today, I had to temporarily relocate to my brother's room after mine was being repainted. Not only do I have to sleep on the floor, but I also have to put up with my brother and dog both snoring loudly. What's worse is that they alternate in snoring. Goodbye sleep. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I made the decision to quit smoking while I was driving in my car. So I took my pack, crushed it and threw it out the window. I felt triumphant about this change I was making in my life, until the cop I didn't know was behind me gave me a ticket for littering. FML

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By skyplaysguitar - United States - Las Cruces

Today, due to my boyfriend teasing me about me possibly having been conceived on a beach because I was born in Hawaii, I finally asked my mom if I really was. She said no, but then told me in detail how much sex on a beach hurts when you get sand up your ass. FML

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By _Emilyy - United States

Today, I updated my facebook status to, "Party at my house this Friday. Like my status if you want to come." After about 3 hours I checked back to discover that the only person who'd liked my status was my grandma. FML

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By americanized - Denmark

Today, I helped two people find the central station on my way home. As a thank you, they mugged me and stole my wallet and iPod Touch. FML

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By Anonymous - Denmark

Today, the weather man announced that today's forecast will include heavy rain and hail in my city. Normally, this wouldn't be a big deal. However, my house has no roof at the moment. FML

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By moderndante - United States - Portland

Hey, where's my bonus?!

Today, my co-worker received a $1,000 bonus for a project that I do all the work on. My direct supervisor thought that I was an assistant. I send him an e-mail copy of the project every week, and have done so for the past six months. I was later reprimanded for not congratulating my co-worker. FML

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By Gilly

Today, my kid felt bad that our cat didn't get an Easter egg hunt at Easter so he has hidden sardines around the house for her to find. The house reeks and I don't know how many are left to find. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, it's my birthday, I received two cards, one from my mum and one from my son, that my mum gave to him to give to me. My entire family said they couldn't be bothered going out for dinner for my birthday. My two 'friends' didn't even send a card, never mind a gift or want to meet up. FML

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By GoodDog - United States

Today, I yelled at my dog for waking me up growling and barking out the window. He was doing it at the person stealing my car. FML

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By Harry - United States

Today, I went hiking with my friend. We both had to pee really bad. We went to the edge of a cliff to "relieve ourselves". He peed and it came and hit me in the face, he did it on purpose. So, I decided to get him back and peed at him. The wind changed direction and hit me in the face again. FML

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By kaleighf - United States - Hollywood

Today, a new girl showed up at my school and everyone really seems to be intrigued about her. I've been told at least five times today that she is the hotter version of me. FML

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By alex - United States

Today, my girlfriend asked me to hold her purse while shopping. All of a sudden, a robber punched me in the face and took her purse. She started crying about her purse and told me to get off the ground because I was embarrassing her. FML

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By beachedwhale21 - 22/6/2020 05:01

Always save to the cloud!

Today, I finally finished typing up a story I had been working on for about 7 months, saved it on my computer and left to hang with friends. Came home later to find my dad had sold my laptop in order to pay his phone bill. My hard work is now gone. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my roommate and I were walking to a bar and a group of guys shouted out at us "Hey, it's like we're on Animal Planet, I see a zebra and a gorilla." My roommate was wearing a zebra print shirt. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked in on my husband jacking off to a photo of himself. FML

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By Tcake - United States

Today, I was drying off with a towel after coming in from outside. I noticed that the bathroom smelled like cat pee, so I sniffed all around to find out where my cat peed. Turns out, he peed on the towel that I was drying myself off with. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my boss chewed me out for correcting several spelling and grammar mistakes in one of his reports. The words "Think you're so damn smart, don't ya?" were uttered. I'm his secretary, and proofreading his shit is part of my job. FML

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By goestoschoolonsnowdays - United States

Today, we had our second snow day in a row, something that never happens. So while the rest of school got to sleep late, I had to wake up early, get dressed, and go to my bus stop because my mom didn't believe me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was pulling into a parking garage space and using the next car over to judge where the wall was in front of me, but ended up whumping my front bumper as I pulled forward. Wondering what had happened, I got out to see that the car I was aligning myself against had hit the wall too. FML

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By Eimii - United States

Today, my 70 year old coworker gave me a letter telling me he was attracted to me, and wishes to have a relationship in which he can 'hold me in his arms every night'. I'm 21. FML

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By takinabreak - United States

Today, I was taking a shower and I saw a new body wash that said "radiance ribbons." That sounded a little effeminate, but it smelled manly enough and the only alternative was normal soap, so I used it. Just now, I stepped out into the sun and found out what "radiance ribbons" means. I sparkle. FML

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By kebaby - United States

Today, I spent a long time steam-cleaning a mystery stain on my living room carpet. I turned the light on to get a better look at it, and realized that it was a shadow. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my 43 year old wife has been having a cyber relationship with a 14 year old kid on Halo. FML

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By augh

Today, I finally worked up the courage to tell my mom that I'm gay. She sympathetically patted my back and told me I don't need to make up excuses for me being so unattractive to women. FML

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By Hair Fail - United States

Today, I decided I wanted to dye my hair a medium brown. Little did I know, some jerk switched the hair dye boxes. My hair is now bright orange. FML

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By me - United States - Bend

Today, my dad agreed to let me borrow the car to go rock climbing with my friends. He'd just filled it up with gas, which is how I realized halfway back home that one of my "friends" had siphoned well over half the gas straight out of the tank. FML

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By a

Today, I learned that it's cute when a goat comes up to you and licks your face. That is, until you realize that goat was just eating poison ivy. FML

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By franky - Germany - Brunswick

Today, at a romantic dinner my boyfriend was treating me to, the waiter brought a "Will you marry me?" cake out with candles and sparklers. I probably should have checked that they'd brought it to the right table before dramatically screaming "Yes!" and jumping into my boyfriend's arms. They hadn't. FML

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By Danny

Today, after being together for 8 months, I learned that not only was my boyfriend a liar, but that he is also married and has been for 4 years. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Ascot Vale

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents, despite my long-standing protests. Over the next hour, they asked her if she'd ever considered becoming a swinger, why not, if she'd ever consider it in future, and to keep them in mind if she does. FML

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By Crawling

Today, my girlfriend came over to my place, looking drop dead gorgeous. However, she preferred the idea of sleeping, and here I am on my laptop. FML

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By Rachal - United States

Today, I was standing in the bathroom and farted. It felt like someone stabbed me in the butt. I jumped out of shock, and my head slammed into the mirror. My glasses fell onto the floor and broke. I now need new glasses, a new mirror, and an ice pack for my head. All because I farted. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my good buddy of about two years set me up on a blind date. I got to the meeting point and realized that my date was a guy. My "buddy" honestly thought I was gay. FML

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By Anonymous - Singapore

Today, I was playing hide and seek with my eight year old cousin. For the past two turns, he had been hiding in the bathroom. I saw the bathroom lights on, yet again, and opened the door with a triumphant "AHA!" It was my Grandma, taking a smelly dump. FML

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Top comments

By Byakuren_fml | 0

#4918735 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 9:11

Fuckoff-zoned

By Grimmerie | 31

#4918752 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 9:15

Okay. Instead of "pouring your heart out" and potentially looking like an obsessive maniac, why not just say something along the lines of "I like you, let's go out"? Unless you have been dating it is so inappropriate to gush about your romantic feelings to someone who most likely does not feel the same way. More often than not you end up making the other person uncomfortable and you look strange.

COMMENTS

By Byakuren_fml | 0

#4918735 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 9:11

Fuckoff-zoned

AbstraktThoughts | 13

#4918905 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 10:23

Wow! What a bitch. Don't worry op, you didn't miss out on much. Tons of bitches in the world. She saved you from potential wks/months/yrs of suffering!

theten_fml | 9

#4918918 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 10:30

I think what 24 is trying to say is "Spread a rumor about her to get her back and ruin her life." like I said before thats just 24's advice.
Personally I'd just move on and stop pouring my heart out via text/email/social networks etc.

TheTwistedOtaku | 16

#4918953 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 11:19

1's comment was written at 9:11 on 9/11, did anyone else notice this?

Drigr | 9

#4919152 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 12:34

24, you realize you called the girl a bitch, then told OP not to worry, theres plenty of bitches out there? Were you actually trying to say "don't worry, if it wasn't her, it woulda been some other bitch breaking your heart"?

I wonder if it was really a "friend" and not a "oh shit, I don't mean that" moment. If it WAS the friend..... *wink wink, nudge nudge*

RogueWarrior869 | 23

#4919856 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 16:58

The time says 2:11 for me. O_o

VaultDweller106 | 7

#4921592 - Wednesday 12 September 2012 0:27

Using Facebook and other non face to face devices to tell a girl you like her is just the pansy way out. Tell it to her face and avoid situations like this. Problem solved.

Nezumi04 | 20

#6265487 - Friday 17 April 2015 22:31

No actually it was wrote on 9/11 at 2:11am

By B3Y0ND | 3

#4918740 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 9:11

Just how long did you know this girl and how persistent were you? If you were a good friend and you really did love her, FYL. If you were just after her for her looks, YDI.

gc327072 | 29

#4919556 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 15:40

I'm thinking ydi; if she was the shiz, i think he would've been more like "the love of my life", IMO.

By nerobluerose | 10

#4918746 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 9:12

You didn't know her well enough to know if you're talking to her?

Blackmail111 | 9

#4918755 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 9:15

It's not like he was video chatting or analyzing her behavior. I could say I'm Dr.Science and I'm actually not. It's easy to play yourself off as someone when you're logged into their account. Also she could be anywhere between 15-19 so her writing along with her friends may go a little like "lol hey

Blackmail111 | 9

#4918776 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 9:18

"lol hey < 3"*

enormouselephant | 15

#4919405 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 14:16

Lol heyyyy;). If you really like someone genuinely (not just for their looks) you most likely would know their style of writing. Do they spell things out, use lots of smilies, etc!

By ozone9914 | 2

#4918750 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 9:14

fourth

auzz1_pride | 9

#4918765 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 9:17

Cool beans, You don't get a medal for coming 4th.

By Grimmerie | 31

#4918752 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 9:15

RussianFox | 13

#4919273 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 13:22

I don't understand why some guys these days feel the first thing they need to do is pour their hearts out. If this advice is of importance, take it slow try to never rush it.

cmanaus | 3

#4919360 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 13:54

Don't just put this on guys. I've had girls do the same thing to me. It's flattering but very uncomfortable.

gc327072 | 29

#4919575 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 15:50

36- "ladies, contain yourselves"

alicexo_fml | 8

#4925233 - Wednesday 12 September 2012 22:52

I wish all (socially challenged) guys would take this advice. They would get so many more dates, seriously.

daemonsparta | 16

#6368038 - Saturday 1 August 2015 9:48

then girls bitch about how guys "don't open up enough" you want open and romantic or not? make up your damn minds

By that1guyyy | 12

#4918757 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 9:15

At least her friend likes you? Unless she was just trolling.

Mister_Triangle | 21

#4918955 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 11:21

I think you misunderstand the situation

twye | 22

#4919365 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 13:55

OP didnt want to date the friend who returned his feelings. He wanted to date the one who told him to fuck off.

By RinaVampire31 | 18

#4918763 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 9:16

Yeah, not a great idea to begin with.

By cr3ativity | 15

#4918769 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 9:17

Well, that escalated quickly.
She ought to have said it with more... Tact

"lyk, oh-my-gosh. Im lyk soo srry, but mag freund was lyk on my Facebook, so that wasn't me"
Note how I typed it like that. She's a cold shallow bitch who has a facade of being a nice girl.

tswizz | 13

#4918836 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 9:36

10, I would have thumbed your comment up if you hadn't pointed out how you spelled the girls response. It would've been clever otherwise.

congele | 6

#4919713 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 16:15

Bitter, party of one? We have your table ready

esines | 9

#4922142 - Wednesday 12 September 2012 3:06

How do you know she has the facade of being a nice girl? It never said that...

By yuzuhere | 21

#4918771 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 9:18

Well, uh, look on the bright side! At least she said "Thanks"?

cr3ativity | 15

#4918805 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 9:25

I think the "thanks" was in response to that OP will leave her alone.

It's funny how people say "thanks" before you do them a favor, and when you don't do said favor, they immediately get angry and start blaming you.
It's like the word "thanks" means that the person is obligated to do whatever the person (who said "thanks") asks.

Krirn | 21

#4918810 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 9:26

Yup, she gave OP to respond with "You're welcome, bitch."

By scylla121 | 7

#4918807 - Tuesday 11 September 2012 9:25

Your chances of success were limited from the start by confessing your 'love' online, but obviously the kind of girl she is, is not who you want to be with!