Today, after months of searching and several emotional breakdowns, I finally found a new job. My wife's words of encouragement? "Try not to fuck this one up." FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, at work, my colleague started to look for a new job. For me. FML
Today, I found out that my ex-girlfriend got engaged to a coworker. I got her the job. FML
Today, my marriage is one week away. Despite all the challenges we faced during COVID, we powered through everything. Today is also the day my work decided to tell me they're letting me go. I now have to either go on my improvised honeymoon or job hunt. FML
Today, after 2 months of searching, I finally found a good, stable job. How does the universe reward me upon waking up on my very first day? With a burning yeast infection. FML
Today, it's been two weeks since my wife started her new job. She got overwhelmed and fell off the wagon on Monday. Instead of going to work, she spent the last week passed out drunk, and she'll probably get fired. We really needed that 100k a year she was going to make. FML
Today, after five months of unemployment and hardcore job searching, I got hired for my dream job. I called my mum to tell her all about it, to which she responded, "Great honey! Now all you need to do is lose all that weight." She allowed me all of four minutes of feeling good about myself. FML
Today, I got a new job where one of my co-workers is someone I have been in love with for over 5 years now. She's married but my feelings for her just won't go away. FML
Today, after months of trying, my wife of seven years told me she is finally pregnant. I'm going to be an uncle. FML
Today, after searching for a job for over a year now, I finally got an interview. The pressure made me so nervous that I passed out in the middle of it. FML
Today, we had a family day at my new job. I used to have a very abusive boss in my previous position, who even slapped one co-worker across the face in the office, prompting me to quit. Guess who turns out to be my new manager's wife… FML
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Top comments
SerendipityRose 26
Love you too, honey... Yikes.
JustKittyKat 24
Well, someone doesn't get any celebratory cake and alcohol.
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Comments (111)
RedPillSucks 31
I think she confused the lyrics of "Stand by your man" with "Stand on your mans neck" or some other body part.
mandachea10 8
Well next time she tries to cook you dinner or clean the house tell her "try not to **** this up dear." oh wait that's sexist. Show her up with all the mulah you make!
cgchamp89 7
The second part was sexist too, implying that men make more money
mandachea10 8
Your killing me champ.
frethelt 3
it has been proven in a study that men generally make more, they had an executive hiring panel and gave them resumes, they gave them a resume with a male name and more of the panel hired him and at a higher pay rate then they did the exact same resume were all they did was put a female name, i dont care enough to actually put a reference, and before you ask the majority of the hiring panel was female
ICastillo 24
Well, Op don't **** it up.
mistercrow 9
Well that aint how loving relationships supposed to be. She shouldn't have said these exact words but yes I get what she means and now is your chance to impress her and be the best at what ever your job is and stuff :)
MissMess 12
Has anybody considered that actually we don't have any context for what she said and OP could really just be a total **** up who screwed his last job up? No? Just me then. Sorry if that's just your wife's attitude, that would suck. But if you did something to deserve it it's a different matter.
crazytwinsmom 25
It's not just you. I was wondering that too.
MissMess 12
Love how I get thumbed down for that. So apparently only a very few people noticed that OPs wife said 'try not to **** THIS ONE up', implying that he did indeed **** up the last one. Haha I love FML.
HowieDoIt 21
Broke one of the essential fml rules: don't whine about being thumbed down. That's a guarantee you'll get even more thumbs down
MissMess 12
Must point out I said I loved it and reiterated that at the end of the comment. It's so typically FML. So there.
mandachea10 8
I always seem to get more satisfaction when I receive thumbs down. You have to admit, getting butthurt over FML is slightly ironic, there are other ways to make your life miserable.
frethelt 3
also thier is no mention of what job he was "finally" able to get, if he had a history of losing minimum wage jobs, and never stayed very long at a job before bieng fired and again got a minimum wage job.. then he would pretty much be a waste of space... or in a town were he is bieng singled out for some reason or other.. either something he did or some other prejedice, in wich case it isnt really his fault and he just needs to move
feefifofumxx 13
Also, did anyone else find this FML rather whiney? Instead of having emotional break downs, find a damn job.
The_Thinker 18
Perhaps that's still a maybe on that ******* you must think you've earned.
Gunnie 24
Yes! That's the spirit(bomb)!
HowieDoIt 21
I wonder what caused the emotional breakdowns...girls can be just as bad to their partners as men are
KirstenZ 6
Just do your best.
loserman67 35
O.P. "Thanks Honey. I won't **** it up like you just ****** our marriage up you inconsiderate bitch!" That sucks O.P. - Job hunting is hard enough when times are good. Now that we live in Obamaeconomy, job hunting is nerve-wracking, mind-breaking work. Sounds like you didn't sit on your ass and have a pity party, you got out there and found gainful employment. Good for you! Now go out and find a woman with a heart. Good luck with the new job!
MissMess 12
Take your eyes off Obama and look at the rest of the world. Everyone is in the economic shitter, job searching is hard all over the world right now. I just hate that this comment implies that the president is somehow to blame for a global recession.
SerpentBoy 8
Haha, I hate to open this can of worms.. but why not.. I'd bet good money that if he would have rlblamed our poor economy on Bush you would have piled on.. just sayin.
SerpentBoy 8
blamed*
The_Thinker 18
For a few reasons, it seems to me what all you Americans are enduring is more or less the consequence of Bush's 8-year reign, not the entirety of Obama's handiwork. But what do I know?
Schizomaniac 24
I'm going to do you all a favor and attempt to put an end to this before it turns into the massive storm of unintelligent bullshit it's headed toward. If you're conservative, refer to point A. If you're liberal, refer to point B. A) The liberals are wrong. B) The conservatives are wrong. Good day.
kingsian 15
no its hard getting a job when your a young black male whos tatted up chin down to finger tips, with dreads and a felony. even with a associate degree in drafting and my life fully changed around i still have a hard time finding a job and to make it worst to escape trouble i moved to Oklahoma and its even harder here. it has nothing to do with obama
ManInTheMachine 19
Thank you Schozomaniac. Crisis definitely averted. But, I just want to say something quickly: The United States was bracing itself for a recession before Obama was even elected, so regardless of your political views, you're a ******* idiot if you think the recession was Obama's fault. For any other political opinions, refer to Schizomaniac's comment. That is all.
SerpentBoy 8
My comment was geared towards people who like to "pile on" regarding political views when something is said they don't agree with.. I could give a **** about everyone's political opinions as im sure you feel the same way about mine...
MissMess 12
Thanks for telling me what I would have said SerpentBoy. **** knows how I've made it this far without you to read my mind for me :)
mandachea10 8
FML and politics..Both filled with condescending assholes.
ManInTheMachine 19
Only when they deserve it. ;)
mandachea10 8
Haha explains why it's so entertaining..I've been trying to brush my teeth for the the past hour, but I've been too busy trolling on here. Lololol