Today, after meeting my girlfriend's family and trying my hardest to impress them, she told me that they came up with a nickname for me. My new name is "Matt the Doormat." FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I met my girlfriend's friends for the first time. One of them walked up to me and gushed, "Oh my god, Joshua! It's so nice to finally meet you!" Then she made a remark about how she heard I played hockey. Hi, my name is Matt, and my sport is wrestling. FML
Today, my boyfriend took me out to meet his friends. It was going really well until I left to use the bathroom and two of the girls with us came in and started talking about how creepy Matt's new girlfriend is and that they're happy he's going to dump her. My boyfriend is Matt. FML
Today, I learned that my parents' nickname for my fiancé is "dickwad." FML
Today, I met my girlfriend’s parents. Trying to make a good impression, so when her dad asked how we met, I jokingly said, “She just couldn’t resist me.” Her mom smiled and asked if we used pet names. Without thinking, I said, “I call her my little burrito.” Her dad choked on his drink, and my girlfriend whispered, “Why would you say that?” FML
Today, I brought my girlfriend home for dinner. The first words out of my dad's mouth were apparently, "Ah, you must be Dan's slam-piece." I was in the living room and didn't quite catch it all, but I said, "She certainly is!" Now I'm single, and all my friends think I'm a bastard. FML
Today, I found out that my contact name in my girlfriend's phone is "Dipshit McFucktard". FML
Today, I was introduced to friends of my boyfriend as, "My other girlfriend." FML
Today, I met my new roommate. She severely struggled with pronouncing my name, and decided that to save time and the effort, she's just going to call me what she thinks my name sounds like: Lube. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. In order to make a good impression, I was as polite as possible, and tried to be as engaging as I could. Near the end of dinner, my girlfriend's mom says, "I liked your old boyfriend better." FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. Within minutes, they said I needed to leave. Their reason? Apparently, I was mocking her dad's speech impediment. I also have one but they wouldn't believe me. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
I'd call you Neither Noor, and you could call me Either Ore.
TheMaster15 10
My first name is Forrest, I'm sure you can all guess what my last name usually gets to be haha
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Comments (151)
challan 19
Lucky Duckie was mine :) which went downhill as I got older... I'm sure you can imagine the things that rhyme with Duckie.
EnterSandman_fml 20
Last name Sandri -> Sandman. Since I'm a big Metallica fan, just pop an Enter on the front of my nickname and you've got a perfect user name.
Grimmerie 31
My name's Murphy, and since I'm so short tons of people call me Smurph.
merimar3 4
She's gonna walk all over you!!!! Sorry OP :/
Enslaved 38
My last name is Falcon so watch out! I can truly falcon punch you!
bteundeadmidget 5
12 my last name is story they call me sorry story because I say sorry a lot.
howrudoin 11
Howard stern, howard the duck, howie mandel, how-ar-udoin, Just to name a few...
lovepandorasaver 11
You need to get one of those "go away" doormats before they come over again.
kegande 0
My name is Kegan pronounced like Keegan, my nickname was keegs-stone-lite because when I was in high school I always had natty light to drink lol
cynical4life 4
Laugh it off.. Tell em your really cool with a sense of humor and share some of your own.... Your daughter;new victim of my **** slaughter;)