Love: Today, after buying the plane ticket to Glendale, CA to visit...

By gabe8 - 15/06/2009 05:42 - Mexico

Today, after buying the plane ticket to Glendale, CA to visit 17 year old Courtney who I met on a dating website, she called me for the first time to say that she was actually 19 year old Seth from Atlanta, GA. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 382

You deserved it 96 096

Love

BO Central

Triage

Broken heart

By mavrick127 - 29/09/2016 14:21 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I finally had the chance to have sex with my crush. Too bad I couldn't get an erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 107

You deserved it 1 749

Tasty!

By Username - 31/01/2011 15:47

Today, my boyfriend told me the thing that gets him really horny. Apple sauce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 992

You deserved it 5 709

By Cpt_Concerned - 22/09/2009 04:37 - Canada

Today, I realized that my alcoholism has gotten so bad that I rotate liquor stores so the clerks don't think bad about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 403

You deserved it 52 506

By fox_at_heart - 30/09/2016 02:21 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I found out my father has been saving money to help me buy my first car. In the same conversation, I found out my mother, unbeknownst to my dad, used nearly all of the money to bail my drunken, deadbeat uncle out of jail for the 4th time a month ago. He is now back in prison. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 791

You deserved it 760

By mszoe - 01/03/2015 06:05 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was checking the family's computer history, and found that "Shrek Porn" had been searched multiple times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 104

You deserved it 3 578

By what_the_hell - 20/06/2013 08:35 - Finland - Helsinki

Today, while bagging my groceries at a store, a lady came over to me, took a good look at the food I'd bought, picked out an item and put it in her bag. When I confronted her, she called security on me and told them I wanted to steal her stuff. I got thrown out and she walked away with a smirk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 749

You deserved it 3 577

By Hreyes - 15/09/2011 17:56 - United States

Today, I overheard my boss stressing out over finding a replacement for me. I didn't know I was leaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 426

You deserved it 2 137

By Anonymous - 23/05/2019 02:00

Today, I yet again had to explain to my boyfriend how sleeping with another person is cheating. It's been three days, and almost as many fights. He still doesn't get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 847

You deserved it 804

By Anonymous - 29/06/2014 05:04 - United States

Today, I went to my friend's house to give him some moral support as he came out of the closet to his family. I left with a black eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 529

You deserved it 6 271

By Anonymous - 12/09/2009 20:06 - United Kingdom

Today, my friend's 11 year old son accidentally shocked himself with our electric fly swatter. Thirty seconds later, while trying to prove to him that it's physically impossible to shock yourself with it, and that it's perfectly safe, I did the exact same thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 770

You deserved it 54 390

By Anonymous - 14/04/2017 00:00

Today, working midnight at a coffee shop, I had a customer set down his phone on the counter to pay. Screen up. Still playing his, "Ebony Rimjob" porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 252

You deserved it 381

By Anonymous - 03/10/2010 05:08 - United States

Today, at work, I was called into the office by my supervisor, on whom I have a massive crush. He called me in to get my password to make some adjustments on my work account and asked me what my password was. I had to hold eye contact with him and tell him my password is his full name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 618

You deserved it 46 080

By takingthebus - 16/09/2009 06:12 - United States

Today, my boyfriend got pulled over and arrested for driving with a suspended license. Instead of getting my car impounded, his friend thought he'd do me a favor and drive it back to me. He doesn't know how to drive stick and blew my engine. My boyfriend is in jail and I no longer have a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 165

You deserved it 6 512

By Anonymous - 07/11/2013 22:21 - United Kingdom - Derry

Today, everything that was beautiful and pure in my life turned into a terrible, warped version of what it once was. Today, I lost all hope and no longer believe that life, although sometimes shitty, is sweet and worth living. Today, I met my mother-in-law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 600

You deserved it 5 896

Long day

By Tom - 26/04/2017 18:00

Today, I got the bus to work instead of walking so I could be there faster. However, I accidentally got on the wrong bus which let me off a mile and a half away from my workplace. Then, after another half-hour of trying to walk there, I found that it wasn't even open that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 648

You deserved it 1 445

By Anonymous - 02/04/2012 05:01 - United States - Portland

Today, I came home from work to find a burglar in my house. He then said that he was just leaving, and went back out of the broken window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 813

You deserved it 2 392

By Hunter - 06/12/2010 06:17

Today, my five year old son was sick with a stomach bug. He didn't want to leave my side so I decided to grab a bowl from the kitchen for him to puke into. The thing is, it was dark in the kitchen and I accidentally grabbed a strainer. My new outfit is now ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 706

You deserved it 33 760

By Petridishoflove - 20/01/2009 06:12 - Hong Kong

Today, I put my paint brush into my cup of tea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 535

You deserved it 22 827

This Charming Man

By Anonymous - 29/01/2021 08:01

Today, I met what I thought was a decent guy, via an introduction by my pregnant friend. She's dating his brother. The guy was dropping my friend and me off, but on the way out of the door he slapped her on the butt and smiled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 743

You deserved it 81

Caught in 4K

By Evil_Egbert - 12/02/2009 11:54 - Netherlands

Today, I found out that when I masturbate at night while watching internet porn I cast a huge shadow on the curtain and the entire street is able to see it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 874

You deserved it 54 185

By Anonymous - 05/06/2019 00:01

Today, my 5-year-old figured out that if he has a mouthful of milk and he blows really hard, he can blow the milk out of his nose like twin fire hoses. I’ve washed the carpet twice in the past day, and my house still stinks of rotten dairy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 763

You deserved it 217

By thanksfyi - 02/07/2011 21:51 - Norway

Today, I found out via Facebook that my brother got engaged several days ago. Not only did he not tell me, but we live in the same house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 487

You deserved it 4 581

By boogery - 26/01/2015 19:17 - United States

Today, after putting a bag of dirty laundry in the laundry room to wait for an open washer, I came back to find a "free stuff" sign on all of my expensive jeans, new towels, and favorite sweatshirts. The bag was over half empty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 626

You deserved it 13 472

By bobbies - 15/04/2009 02:15 - United States

Today, I was telling my sister about how I am horribly depressed and how I can't function and she responded with, "Oh, shit! I've got to go Jeopardy is on!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 577

You deserved it 5 948

Kinky.

By Domo731 - 05/11/2017 13:00 - United States - Johnson City

Today, I drank from a soda can that was on my floor. Unfortunately, it was my boyfriend’s pee. He was too lazy to go to the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 289

You deserved it 4 874

By acincollege - 21/02/2009 05:36 - United States

Today, I jokingly told my mom that I was having sex with my Professor. Her response was, "As long as you're getting A's, honey!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 430

You deserved it 52 878

By Anonymous - 15/03/2010 04:34 - United States

Today, I was at the gas station pumping gas when the lady in front of me had a little boy who asked if he could pump the gas. She said yes and then quickly answered her phone, as it was ringing. She wasn't watching him and he pulled out the pump to early, spraying gas all over me, including my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 529

You deserved it 3 012

And next on The Voice…

By Anonymous - 14/05/2019 22:00

Today, I found out I have a bad singing voice. How? The choir judge decided to yell "STOP! Please just stop!" During my solo. In front of everyone. During the show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 890

You deserved it 232

By Anonymous - 12/08/2009 02:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend sent me a text saying to call him. When I did, it went straight to voicemail. It was a recording of him breaking up with me. He broke up with me over the phone, without even talking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 710

You deserved it 3 268

By FuckedByLife - 12/02/2017 19:00 - United Kingdom - Bridgend

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend of two years was cheating on me. How? His other girlfriend crashed her car into mine and had him pick her up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 848

You deserved it 545

By angie429 - 27/11/2011 23:45 - United States

Today, I took my boyfriend to my family's traditional late Thanksgiving dinner. While eating, my mom brought up celebrity infidelity. My grandpa ended up looking me in the eye and saying, "Look Angie, sometimes what a man has just isn't enough. When that happens, cheating is forgiveable." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 058

You deserved it 2 726

By KJL - 29/08/2011 15:38 - United States

Today, I found my husband Googling Morse Code. He thinks his farts are trying to communicate with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 703

You deserved it 3 853

By scratchy - 08/12/2010 14:56 - Israel

Today, my boyfriend refused to have his hair treated against lice, because "men don't have lice". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 210

You deserved it 3 834

By stitchesupmyass - 01/11/2011 21:50 - United States

Today, I got my period. Last week, I fell out of a window and landed between my legs on a bush; I have massive swelling down there, and stitches over the ripped flesh. Now I'm bleeding out my period on top of the lingering wounds down there. It hurts even to pee, let alone menstruate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 627

You deserved it 4 661

That autumn smell

By Anonymous - 21/10/2021 02:00

Today, my cat vomited down my heater vent. It went very far down. I'm not even sure if I got all of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 778

You deserved it 113

By GrossedOutKary - 19/05/2010 19:20 - Puerto Rico

Today, after finally moving into a better neighborhood, my family and I were greeted by the elderly couple who live window to window to us. How? By hearing them have sex loudly and then praying for forgiveness even louder. Welcome to the neighborhood! FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 831

You deserved it 3 385

By Anonymous - 10/08/2019 06:00

Today, my boyfriend looked so unhappy in a photo we took that I downloaded an editing app, and edited the photo to make it look like he was smiling before posting it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 143

You deserved it 881

By Pizza-less - 04/09/2011 04:16 - United States

Today, my best friend and I were playing Call of Duty, when he said he had to go to the bathroom. Curious, I checked his phone. A text message read, "Tell your friend you're going to the bathroom and come eat. Pizza is here." from his dad. Apparently, I'm not good enough to feed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 560

You deserved it 7 993

By Ants everywhere but my pants - 19/05/2016 02:35 - United States - Sun City Center

Today, I left the windows open because I live in Florida without air conditioning because the asshole landlord won't fix it. There was nice cool air from the rain. I've killed about 100 flying ants that have made their way inside. Now I have a hot house with closed windows and flying ants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 039

You deserved it 1 519

By Anonymous - 06/05/2009 06:04 - United States

Today, was my first meeting with business partners as I am new to the team. Instead of saying that I was looking forward to "stretching my legs" or "spreading my wings", I told them I was anxious to start "spreading my legs". FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 270

You deserved it 21 961

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Top comments

hir23 0

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Monday 15 June 2009 16:07

Haven't you read enough FMLs to know that you shouldn't date online?

mudkipsan 19

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Monday 15 June 2009 16:05

Also, thanks for the xbox my "stupid parents won't buy me"

Iwannabetreo 11

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Monday 15 June 2009 16:01

Ehehehehe.. That sucks xD

b182link 0

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Thursday 24 June 2010 22:22

hey Im from atlanta and I know a seth that's 19.... hmmm... no probably not, hmm

Lolerskatez 0

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Tuesday 9 November 2010 13:35

YDI dating website lol, pathetic

DeLpHe3zY 7

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Wednesday 17 August 2011 18:37

good to know people can still get relationships without dating sites >_>

qBAMFp 8

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Saturday 11 August 2012 6:15

That's so messed! A freaking pedo from mexico flying to the US to meet a 17 year old girl. How is this NOT causing an uproar?!

Argh_fml 0

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Monday 15 June 2009 16:03

YDI for being a pedophile

Cittenscollar 0

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Wednesday 17 June 2009 10:00

Except for the fact that a pedophile is described as somebody who likes prepubescent children generally between the ages of four and ten.

Metzler31 17

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Wednesday 24 March 2010 12:29

how is a 17 year old even allowed on one of those dating sites?

thrasher9081 0

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Thursday 23 September 2010 6:53

cittenscollar are you retarded

SadinSherman 16

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Tuesday 16 November 2010 8:51

They lied about their age

marisalee 0

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Saturday 30 July 2011 20:04

lying.

suckingatlife 9

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Wednesday 26 October 2011 5:33

Here is what gets me. The fact that you bought the plane ticket, before actually finding out who they were via telephone.

joecartoon2 2

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Sunday 27 November 2011 6:46

I tottally second you on this one.it was my first thought. How fucking out could this dude be like 30

tick_tock 0

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Monday 15 June 2009 16:03

I agree with #2 you pedo-bear.

Godless25 0

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Wednesday 24 June 2009 5:30

uhmm....it ever occur to u that the person writing this might have been 17 or 18 too? dipshit

xPedobear 0

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Sunday 19 September 2010 4:48

yes... although op is stupid enough to buy a plane ticket to someone he doesn't even know. you hating on pedobears???

gman90210 18

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Monday 30 January 2012 9:50

Better watch out mod police will give you warning for calling him a name

bahahaha 0

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Monday 15 June 2009 16:03

LOL yeah you fucking pedo

mudkipsan 19

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Monday 15 June 2009 16:05

Also, thanks for the xbox my "stupid parents won't buy me"

caitlin21holly 0

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Sunday 6 February 2011 20:58

WTF

thecman25 14

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Tuesday 11 November 2014 1:05

Ps3 all the way

genius_man16 0

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Monday 15 June 2009 16:05

OWNED I must meet this Seth kid.

pinkpolarbear 8

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Thursday 21 July 2011 7:14

now your kinda starting to sound like a pedo-bear

NickelPhosphate 0

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Monday 15 June 2009 16:05

Eugh that's just wrong on soo many levels.

YeaSo3 14

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Monday 2 July 2012 7:10

Yes this fml sounds a little pedophile-ish

hir23 0

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Monday 15 June 2009 16:07

Haven't you read enough FMLs to know that you shouldn't date online?

T1A2Z3 34

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Thursday 14 December 2017 12:40

No... you should just be aware of who you are meeting. Do you not have Snapchat or Skype?

dollymyfolly 0

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Monday 15 June 2009 16:07

Lol at 5.

mcbeth 0

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Monday 15 June 2009 16:08

lulz Pedo Bear got pwnt!

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7

You deserved it 47

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 26

Spicy

Today, I found out on Facebook that my mom and step-dad have an open marriage. To make matters worse, my step-dad shamed me for not being more sex positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 515

You deserved it 138

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 828

You deserved it 46

Tasty!

Long day

This Charming Man

Caught in 4K

Kinky.

And next on The Voice…

That autumn smell

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