Today, after buying the plane ticket to Glendale, CA to visit...

By gabe8 - Mexico

Today, after buying the plane ticket to Glendale, CA to visit 17 year old Courtney who I met on a dating website, she called me for the first time to say that she was actually 19 year old Seth from Atlanta, GA. FML

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Love

There's no helping some people

Cake is everything

Laundry drama

By GlowInTheDark - Australia

Today, I told my boyfriend about how a few years ago I had cancer, and how I underwent radiation therapy. His response? "Did you glow in the dark?" FML

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By wonder woman - United States - Levittown

Today, my tire blew while I was on the freeway. I had to change the tire in pouring rain while wearing short shorts and flip-flops. No one stopped to help, but several people politely honked as if to remind me of my misfortune. FML

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By random - United Kingdom

Comforter

Today, I hooked up with a guy I'm totally in love with. After finishing, he burst into tears about being in love with another girl. I had to comfort him. FML

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By AquaKelly - United States - Newark

Today, I set a trap to catch a mouse that ran across my foot. Not only did the trap shut on my finger twice, but I watched the mouse run over the trap without it snapping shut. I guess I have a new roommate. FML

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By crosseyed - United Kingdom

Today, I was in the cafeteria when I noticed a new worker cleaning a table. As I passed her, she looked up and smiled at me. Thinking she was pulling a funny face, I jokingly crossed my eyes and smiled back. She looked hurt and continued working. Later, she served me my lunch. She was actually cross-eyed. FML

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By UnknownKitten - United States - Elgin

Today, I returned home after a long day of work. I noticed that my kitten had gotten a hold of my pin cushion, and that there were no needles left in it. My husband and I have only managed to find one, out of 16. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Hull

Today, my brother started ranting about how fluoridated water is a conspiracy to "turn people gay". I said the government must be doing a shit job of it, since he's been drinking the stuff longer than I've been alive and is still married to a woman. He punched me so hard, my vision blacked out. FML

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By SadFoxLady - United States - Des Moines

Today, after years of researching and saving money, I got a pet fox. I was able to enjoy the majesty of the animal for three hours before it burrowed under the fence and ran away. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, in the middle of sex, I was desperate for a fart but tried to hold it in so we weren't forced to stop halfway. Unfortunately, I accidentally let the fart escape, along with runny diarrhea all over my husbands legs and groin. The smell caused him to vomit all over me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Cabot

Today, I started my new job at a haunted house. I figured I'd change clothes when I got home, since my bloody shirt and zombie makeup were blatantly just an outfit. I barely made it 10 minutes before I was pinned to the ground at gunpoint, cuffed, and needing new underwear. FML

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By assoutofuandme - United States - San Francisco

Today, while riding the train home, I noticed a man who kept looking at me. Annoyed, I told him to be less obvious and to stop staring. He promptly responded, "Bitch, I'm gay, and even I can tell no one would want to look at you." FML

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By dumbass - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me she lost her phone and not to call or text her. After about three hours, I text her phone, asking if she found it yet. I got a reply, saying "Nope." FML

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By facepalm - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I received my first negative feedback on my otherwise flawless eBay record. The woman who bought the item said it wasn't as delicious as she was expecting, so there must be something wrong with it. What was I selling? A new and unopened lipstick. FML

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By das_shizzle - 2/5/2020 05:00

Entitled bitch

Today, after telling a student that she had to take the online test on the date that I had assigned, she whined to the vice president of the college, who then told my dean that he needed to do something about it. She made me offer testing days on multiple dates. So much for integrity. FML

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By Anon - Australia

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I found out he was seeing someone behind my back: my ex-boyfriend. FML

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By Tara - United States

Today, I went tanning for 15 min at my gym. When I got out no one was there, all of the lights were off, and the alarm started going off. Turns out the people working forgot about me, locked up, and left me there. FML

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By BK2017 - United States - Orlando

Today, after an extremely stressful day, I took a hot bath when I got home. I used my little sister's bubble bath to make it more enjoyable and relaxing. I then broke out in hives. I guess I'm allergic to bubble bath. FML

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Today, I got trapped in the airport lift for half an hour with my family while heading to departure. We ended up missing our flight. 3000 Malaysian bucks were spent on that flight. No one wants to compensate our loss. FML

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By p0isonOreo68 - 8/11/2020 08:03

Alexa, play "These Things Take Time" by The Smiths

Today, I broke my glasses, so I scheduled an appointment to get a new pair. The soonest available appointment? November 21st. FML

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By Lies - United States

Today, I saw the girl I had started dating changed her Facebook relationship status to "In a relationship". Naturally, I changed mine too. The next time I logged on, she had commented, "Really?! Who?!" She was serious. FML

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By bobra

Helter Skelter

Today, I decided to face my fears and go on my first upside-down ride. Unfortunately for me, the two men in front of me had chosen to eat before the ride and I walked off with bits of strawberry and bacon in my hair, my clothes drenched in whitish fluid, not to mention the stench. FML

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By jordy1995 - United States

Today, I found out I can't go to my best friend's birthday party. To cheer me up, my parents decided to take me and my brother to my favorite pizzeria for dinner. When I was ready and went downstairs, I discovered they left already. They forgot me. FML

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By Jebus - United States

Today, I walked to Starbucks. On the way a homeless guy asked me for change and I lied and said I had no money. On my way back, Strawberry Frappuccino in hand, the same guy recognized me. He followed me for 3 blocks, swearing and yelling at me. FML

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By Vlad

Today, my uncle is on vacation with his friend, who sent us a video of their hotel room. He captured a glimpse of my uncle in the shower. Naked. This can't be unseen. FML

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By Festivaler - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, I was at a music festival, and my mum had told me not to to drink. Someone threw a cup of beer at me, and I was worried about smelling of alcohol. It's okay though, because a second cup of urine took the alcohol smell right away. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Cranston

Today, I had to listen to my boss say "Arabica beans" in a goofy, fake New England accent every time the McDonald's ice coffee commercial came on the radio. I worked a 12-hour shift. FML

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By ? - United States

Today, while I was in confession, I was saying my sins and the priest called me a "pain in the ass." FML

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By karmasabitch - United States

Today, I had my high school reunion. The nerdy guy that I picked on all 4 years had married a Swedish supermodel, then divorced her for a Brazilian supermodel. My girlfriend works at 7-11. Karma sucks. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/12/2019 14:00 - United States - Houston

Watch movies

Today, I hired a babysitter to take care of my newborn. When I came home, she was having sex with her boyfriend in the crib while the baby sat and watched them. FML

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By philip708 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I helped an old man who fell over. Turns out he was drunk and had pissed himself. He decided to thank me with a hug. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Levittown

Today, I fell asleep on the couch. My parents didn't wake me up, went to bed and set our burglar alarm. If I trip a motion sensor, a siren will go off. The motion sensor in my living room is pointed directly at me and I have to pee. It's been 2 hours. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, I wanted to propose to my girlfriend, so I bought M and M's which I had customized with the words "Will you marry me?" on them. She ate them all without reading them. FML

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By backtosquareone - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, after months of searching, I was offered a job. After hearing how excited I was on the phone, HR docked the initial salary offer by 40% in the written contract. She said it was non-negotiable. Guess I'm back to job hunting. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend donated most of my book collection because she got me a Kindle for Christmas. Some were signed, including my Harry Potters. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Denver

Today, I felt kind of horny for once, so I texted my boyfriend to let him know he'd be getting some action later. He replied "I'm gonna fucken murder ur pussy when I get back!! :D" And just like that my sex drive once again crashed through the floor. FML

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By tsardaukar - United States

Today, bouncing at a local bar. I I.D.'d a girl with a group of people. I told her that next time she used a fake I.D., she at least should get one with a picture that looked like her. She started crying and ran off. A guy told me that she had been in a car wreck, and had been badly disfigured. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my husband misheard me when I said I wanted a massage with sensual oils. He used essential oils instead. Essential oils are not meant to be used on the skin, trust me. My skin looks like a cross between sandpaper and pus-filled bubble wrap. FML

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By Nick - Australia

Today, I was helping clean my grandpa's garage when I found some of his old election posters from the '50s. They included slogans such as, "Dick: you know it feels right" and "Want growth? Choose Dick." I'm not sure whether to be disgusted or impressed. FML

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By dateless - United Kingdom - London

Today, I went on a blind date. He took one look at me and said, "Well, we might as well get a drink anyway." FML

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By JayBausch - United States

Today, I went to retrieve my sneakers that my wife made me leave outside the door of our hotel room. Somebody had shat in one of them. FML

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Top comments

By hir23 | 0

#307146 - Monday 15 June 2009 16:07

Haven't you read enough FMLs to know that you shouldn't date online?

By mudkipsan | 19

#307140 - Monday 15 June 2009 16:05

Also, thanks for the xbox my "stupid parents won't buy me"

COMMENTS

By Iwannabetreo | 11

#307123 - Monday 15 June 2009 16:01

Ehehehehe.. That sucks xD

b182link | 0

#1041918 - Thursday 24 June 2010 22:22

hey Im from atlanta and I know a seth that's 19.... hmmm... no probably not, hmm

Lolerskatez | 0

#1671783 - Tuesday 9 November 2010 13:35

YDI dating website lol, pathetic

DeLpHe3zY | 7

#3127372 - Wednesday 17 August 2011 18:37

good to know people can still get relationships without dating sites >_>

qBAMFp | 8

#4800162 - Saturday 11 August 2012 6:15

That's so messed! A freaking pedo from mexico flying to the US to meet a 17 year old girl. How is this NOT causing an uproar?!

By Argh_fml | 0

#307132 - Monday 15 June 2009 16:03

YDI for being a pedophile

Cittenscollar | 0

#314114 - Wednesday 17 June 2009 10:00

Except for the fact that a pedophile is described as somebody who likes prepubescent children generally between the ages of four and ten.

Metzler31 | 17

#967259 - Wednesday 24 March 2010 12:29

how is a 17 year old even allowed on one of those dating sites?

thrasher9081 | 0

#1446063 - Thursday 23 September 2010 6:53

cittenscollar are you retarded

SadinSherman | 16

#1708753 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 8:51

They lied about their age

marisalee | 0

#3003586 - Saturday 30 July 2011 20:04

lying.

suckingatlife | 9

#3491400 - Wednesday 26 October 2011 5:33

Here is what gets me. The fact that you bought the plane ticket, before actually finding out who they were via telephone.

joecartoon2 | 2

#3646858 - Sunday 27 November 2011 6:46

I tottally second you on this one.it was my first thought. How fucking out could this dude be like 30

By tick_tock | 0

#307137 - Monday 15 June 2009 16:03

I agree with #2 you pedo-bear.

Godless25 | 0

#335340 - Wednesday 24 June 2009 5:30

uhmm....it ever occur to u that the person writing this might have been 17 or 18 too? dipshit

xPedobear | 0

#1424802 - Sunday 19 September 2010 4:48

yes... although op is stupid enough to buy a plane ticket to someone he doesn't even know. you hating on pedobears???

gman90210 | 18

#3965803 - Monday 30 January 2012 9:50

Better watch out mod police will give you warning for calling him a name

By bahahaha | 0

#307138 - Monday 15 June 2009 16:03

LOL yeah you fucking pedo

By mudkipsan | 19

#307140 - Monday 15 June 2009 16:05

Also, thanks for the xbox my "stupid parents won't buy me"

caitlin21holly | 0

#2052550 - Sunday 6 February 2011 20:58

WTF

thecman25 | 14

#6115552 - Tuesday 11 November 2014 1:05

Ps3 all the way

By genius_man16 | 0

#307141 - Monday 15 June 2009 16:05

OWNED

I must meet this Seth kid.

pinkpolarbear | 8

#2943457 - Thursday 21 July 2011 7:14

now your kinda starting to sound like a pedo-bear

By NickelPhosphate | 0

#307144 - Monday 15 June 2009 16:05

Eugh that's just wrong on soo many levels.

YeaSo3 | 14

#4640313 - Monday 2 July 2012 7:10

Yes this fml sounds a little pedophile-ish

By hir23 | 0

#307146 - Monday 15 June 2009 16:07

Haven't you read enough FMLs to know that you shouldn't date online?

T1A2Z3 | 34

#7575088 - Thursday 14 December 2017 12:40

No... you should just be aware of who you are meeting. Do you not have Snapchat or Skype?

By dollymyfolly | 0

#307152 - Monday 15 June 2009 16:07

Lol at 5.

By mcbeth | 0

#307157 - Monday 15 June 2009 16:08

lulz Pedo Bear got pwnt!