Love: Today, after buying the plane ticket to Glendale, CA to visit...

By gabe8 - Mexico

Today, after buying the plane ticket to Glendale, CA to visit 17 year old Courtney who I met on a dating website, she called me for the first time to say that she was actually 19 year old Seth from Atlanta, GA. FML

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Love

Proactive

Like the beginning of a porno

Roommate from hell

By Imnotfromhere - 13/2/2021 05:01

Great mom you got there

Today, I felt an intense pain in my abdomen, so my mom drove me to the hospital. When we were in the waiting room, she rudely said, "It's probably an STD since you're such a slut." And then she left me there. It was a kidney infection. FML

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By "catty_13"

Today, thanks to my estranged husband, I had three seizures at work. I came home yesterday to find that my seizure medications were completely gone. He'd flushed them down the toilet because he thinks I'm psychotic and "read on the internet" that it's because of the meds. FML

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By gotta_respond - United States - Piscataway

Today, I went to the supermarket with my husband and kids. A crazy old man started yelling at us and challenged us to fight him outside. Security had to escort us to our car. Why was he so mad? Our cart momentarily blocked his path to the beef jerky samples. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the movies. After it was over I got up and noticed a designer purse sitting on the ground in the back row. I opened it to look for anything that could give me a address so I could return it. The owner came back, assumed I was robbing her, and punched me in the nose. FML

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By stupid_airbag - Australia

Today, the air bag system in my car somehow malfunctioned, and the air bag inflated while I was driving, causing me to lose control and crash into a street light. I ended up with a badly bruised face because the air bag had already deflated by then. FML

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By Estranged Fiance - United States

Today, my fiance got impatient and passed a lady doing 15 mph under the speed limit. The lady was driving slowly in case the black ice in the other lane was in both. We spun out and drove right into a guard rail. I just filled the tank, so now I'm down $40 and need to pay for a rental too. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Are you sure?

Today, after a long therapy session, in which I poured out all my feelings of how happy and in love I am with whom I believe to be my soul-mate, my shrink asked me if I was sure this guy wasn't a figment of my imagination. FML

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By crystalpistol - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, right after I turned down an amazing job opportunity in another location, just so I could be with him. FML

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By Kitty_Gem - United States

Today, my mother told me I should think about quitting school. She explained that the reason was because she didn't want me to be more successful than my older sisters. FML

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By Don’t Think About It.

Today, I smacked a big mosquito that had landed on my leg. My boyfriend then said to me, "I wonder if their mouth snaps off when you slap them, and now it’s stuck in your skin." Thanks. Thanks a lot. FML

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By The Last Cockbender - United Kingdom - London

Today, a co-worker gave me a couple of CDs he said he wanted me to listen to. I got excited, thinking that they were playlists he'd made for me. They were self-help tracks. FML

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By wetqueefa - United States - Union City

Today, I walked in on my mom drenched in tears, barely able to speak. I ran to get her some tissues and a nice cup of tea to calm her down. After a few minutes of sitting in silence, I asked her if she wanted to talk about what happened. She watched an episode of Gossip Girl. FML

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By creimers - 1/7/2020 23:01

Tis the season

Today, my mom forbade me from taking any allergy medicine, because she is afraid that I'll turn into a meth addict. I have horrible allergies and can barely see or stop sneezing without them. FML

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By young grandpa - United States - Statham

Today, I found out I'm going to be a grandfather. I'm 29, my son is 13 and the girl in question is 16. FML

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By brooklyn0118

Today, I got home to find my dog had found and eaten my wedding rings. I get married in 2 days. FML

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By Jillian Drute - United States

Today, my mom showed up completely hammered to a party I was throwing. The party was to celebrate the ten years that I've been sober. FML

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By thyella87 - United States

Today, my hours got cut because I couldn't make it into work when they called me in. Why couldn't I make it in? I was in an interview for a better job. I didn't get the job. FML

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By NotBuyingATractor - United States - San Francisco

Today, a customer service guy called to fix a problem I've been having with my phone. When it transpired that he couldn't help, he transferred me to another representative. This other representative ended up being a John Deere dealer in Michigan. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I ignored my cat's incessant meowing, and pushed him away every time he wanted to be petted. The next time I walked downstairs I found him dead. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Corrimal

Today, I couldn't see my car in a crowded car park. I pressed unlock on my keys and saw the lights flash. As I walked over I also saw someone run from my car with an armful of my stuff. FML

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By hopeless - United States

Today, I cheated on my math exam. I still failed. FML

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By djkimmaz - United Kingdom

Today, my mom, who is relatively new to Facebook, posted on her friend's wall, telling her about her recent diagnosis of vaginal thrush. She assumed that her wall post was private. Six of my friends liked the post. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, 50,000 copies of the new edition of the town's phone book came out. I manage a pizza place and bought a full menu ad. Apparently the ad designer got confused, as they placed my cell phone number in huge bold letters at the bottom of the ad instead of the store's phone number. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boss finally pronounced my name correctly. My name was then followed by the words "You're fired." FML

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By Anonymous - 20/6/2020 08:08

Fake mystery guy

Today, I dressed cute to surprise my boyfriend of 2 years. Instead of being happy or impressed about it, he accused me of cheating and dressing up to impress a new guy he'd made up in his head. FML

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By insomniac x2 - Mexico - Garza Garc

Today, I watched TV in the early morning. I was watching The Ring, and when the scene came on where the girl is crawling out of the TV, my dad grabbed my shoulders from behind me out of nowhere, causing me to shriek like a little bitch. I don't know how long he waited to do that. FML

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By Kathryn - United States

Today, I went to my favorite all you can eat buffet. The cook tapped my shoulder and told me to stop eating. FML

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By Mc'xplosive

McGastric

Today, after months of avoiding fast food, I decided to eat some McDonald's french fries. Though the fries were delicious, they were not worth the agonizing 15 minutes I spent on the toilet afterwards. FML

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By blanknameisblank - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I broke my nose trying to pop a zit. FML

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By loving grandaughter - United States

Today, after months of cooking breakfast, lunch, and dinner for my husband's grandmother due to her getting a hip replacement, I overheard her calling me a whore over the phone from the next room. FML

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By bedrockmike - United States

Today, I broke, shoveled, and salted the ice covering my entire driveway. The size is roughly 8 cars' worth, and took me two hours of back-breaking effot to clear. I completely forgot that it was supposed to rain later today. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was having trouble sleeping, and I was almost asleep when I got a call from one of those spam places. They left a voicemail, which I made the mistake of listening to. The voice was so slowed down, it was very creepy, especially late at night. I don't think I'll be sleeping at all tonight. FML

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By stampslife - Canada - Agassiz

Today, I finished watching an entire movie after boarding the plane, before the plane even took off. FML

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By pigeons_suck - United States

Today, I discovered what it feels like to get a ruptured sinus. More specifically, I discovered what it feels like to get a ruptured sinus from being hit in the face by a pigeon that was deflected from the windscreen of a van moving at about 35mph. FML

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By Karim - France - Aix-en-provence

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my family for the first time. My mother's immediate reaction was, "We didn't know you were gay!" No mom, she really is a girl. FML

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By Anon

Not the nuggets!

Today, I invited the guy I've been seeing for 5 months over. We got some chicken nuggets, but didn’t eat because he stripped my clothes off and we started having sex. Out of nowhere, he said, "I can’t do this!" and left. He took the chicken nuggets with him. FML

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By fmymouth - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I found out that the motorcycle I paid cash for was an illegal import. My plates are canceled, I have to turn in the bike for it to be destroyed, and the seller has vanished off the face of the planet. FML

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By Jobby

Today, I have four flights. I spent last night projectile vomiting with food poisoning. By the time I got to the airport it had progressed to liquid diarhea. Two flights in, I got my period. FML

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By Angrily Paranoid - United States - Seattle

Today, my paranoia got so bad that I had to physically restrain myself from aggressively confronting the kid walking behind me on the sidewalk. FML

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By megs

Today, I was promoted. After going to school for 10 months to get certified for the new position, training extensively, and taking on a ton more responsibility, I was hoping for a decent raise. How much do my bosses think all of that time and effort is worth? One dollar more per hour than I made before. FML

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Top comments

By hir23 | 0

#307146 - Monday 15 June 2009 16:07

Haven't you read enough FMLs to know that you shouldn't date online?

By mudkipsan | 19

#307140 - Monday 15 June 2009 16:05

Also, thanks for the xbox my "stupid parents won't buy me"

COMMENTS

By Iwannabetreo | 11

#307123 - Monday 15 June 2009 16:01

Ehehehehe.. That sucks xD

b182link | 0

#1041918 - Thursday 24 June 2010 22:22

hey Im from atlanta and I know a seth that's 19.... hmmm... no probably not, hmm

Lolerskatez | 0

#1671783 - Tuesday 9 November 2010 13:35

YDI dating website lol, pathetic

DeLpHe3zY | 7

#3127372 - Wednesday 17 August 2011 18:37

good to know people can still get relationships without dating sites >_>

qBAMFp | 8

#4800162 - Saturday 11 August 2012 6:15

That's so messed! A freaking pedo from mexico flying to the US to meet a 17 year old girl. How is this NOT causing an uproar?!

By Argh_fml | 0

#307132 - Monday 15 June 2009 16:03

YDI for being a pedophile

Cittenscollar | 0

#314114 - Wednesday 17 June 2009 10:00

Except for the fact that a pedophile is described as somebody who likes prepubescent children generally between the ages of four and ten.

Metzler31 | 17

#967259 - Wednesday 24 March 2010 12:29

how is a 17 year old even allowed on one of those dating sites?

thrasher9081 | 0

#1446063 - Thursday 23 September 2010 6:53

cittenscollar are you retarded

SadinSherman | 16

#1708753 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 8:51

They lied about their age

marisalee | 0

#3003586 - Saturday 30 July 2011 20:04

lying.

suckingatlife | 9

#3491400 - Wednesday 26 October 2011 5:33

Here is what gets me. The fact that you bought the plane ticket, before actually finding out who they were via telephone.

joecartoon2 | 2

#3646858 - Sunday 27 November 2011 6:46

I tottally second you on this one.it was my first thought. How fucking out could this dude be like 30

By tick_tock | 0

#307137 - Monday 15 June 2009 16:03

I agree with #2 you pedo-bear.

Godless25 | 0

#335340 - Wednesday 24 June 2009 5:30

uhmm....it ever occur to u that the person writing this might have been 17 or 18 too? dipshit

xPedobear | 0

#1424802 - Sunday 19 September 2010 4:48

yes... although op is stupid enough to buy a plane ticket to someone he doesn't even know. you hating on pedobears???

gman90210 | 18

#3965803 - Monday 30 January 2012 9:50

Better watch out mod police will give you warning for calling him a name

By bahahaha | 0

#307138 - Monday 15 June 2009 16:03

LOL yeah you fucking pedo

By mudkipsan | 19

#307140 - Monday 15 June 2009 16:05

Also, thanks for the xbox my "stupid parents won't buy me"

caitlin21holly | 0

#2052550 - Sunday 6 February 2011 20:58

WTF

thecman25 | 14

#6115552 - Tuesday 11 November 2014 1:05

Ps3 all the way

By genius_man16 | 0

#307141 - Monday 15 June 2009 16:05

OWNED

I must meet this Seth kid.

pinkpolarbear | 8

#2943457 - Thursday 21 July 2011 7:14

now your kinda starting to sound like a pedo-bear

By NickelPhosphate | 0

#307144 - Monday 15 June 2009 16:05

Eugh that's just wrong on soo many levels.

YeaSo3 | 14

#4640313 - Monday 2 July 2012 7:10

Yes this fml sounds a little pedophile-ish

By hir23 | 0

#307146 - Monday 15 June 2009 16:07

Haven't you read enough FMLs to know that you shouldn't date online?

T1A2Z3 | 34

#7575088 - Thursday 14 December 2017 12:40

No... you should just be aware of who you are meeting. Do you not have Snapchat or Skype?

By dollymyfolly | 0

#307152 - Monday 15 June 2009 16:07

Lol at 5.

By mcbeth | 0

#307157 - Monday 15 June 2009 16:08

lulz Pedo Bear got pwnt!