Today, after a long night of drinking and partying, I woke up in my bed next to a beast of a woman. At least I know I made it home safely. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML
Today, I woke up after a night of drinking to find a very gorgeous girl in my bed. Her only words to me were "did anything happen?" When I replied yes she began to cry. Nice to know I was someone's rock bottom. FML
Today, I woke up from a night of crazy drunken sex with a guy I had met at a friends 23rd birthday party. The lights had been off when we had stumbled in to his house the night before. When I opened my eyes today, the first thing I saw was his family picture, complete with his wife and son. FML
Today, I woke up around 5am from a party I had last night, still quite drunk. This chick was lying next to me from the night before. I kissed her, and about a minute and a half into some heavy making out, she opened her eyes and said, "Oh, it's you." Then got up and walked out. FML
Today, I was sleeping in my room when I awoke to an unfamiliar female voice in my apartment, followed by a thud. I walked out to find a drunk girl I've never met collapsed in my doorway. After puking all over the place, she had me call her father, who picked her up 10 minutes later. FML
Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML
Today, after working a 24-hour shift I was finally able to get some sleep. Not even an hour after falling asleep, I was woken up by my drunk husband humping my leg. FML
Today, after a long night of partying, I fell asleep, while my bride was delivering her vows. FML
Today, I woke up after a long night of taking care of my drunken husband. I guess I should feel lucky I don't have a generic, "He wet the bed in his sleep" story, and instead have a unique, "He got out of bed and peed on me" story. FML
Today, after having some drinks at the club, I went home with this awesome girl. When I woke up, I thought the house looked really familiar. It belonged to my ex's younger sister. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
marinus_fml 20
Could have been worse! It could have been a beast of a man!!
shameless58 0
with herpes and a head full of regrets!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (192)
sbwaves 0
ya and you have HIV/AIDS
shades23 1
Your rite, at least you didn't regret what you did last night, I mean I wouldn't. LAWL!
petrine 17
I'm pretty sure he means that this "beast" is his gf/wife since waking up next to her tells him he made it home..
badgercheese94 16
ohh i feel so bad fer da dooszbag who gets wasted at pardies n den disrespeks da vuman he szleeps vit.. NAHT (Read in Polish accent)
heyheyitshailey 17
So are you calling your wife/girlfriend/partner a "beast of a woman" then?
carbonbasedcynic 17
liquor: you never know WHAT will happen
SJKatt 15
Somehow I don't feel bad at all for fatphobic misogynists.
griddy24 18
You didn’t deserve her