Today, a new girl showed up at my school and everyone really...

By kaleighf - 28/4/2016 01:46 - United States - Hollywood

Today, a new girl showed up at my school and everyone really seems to be intrigued about her. I've been told at least five times today that she is the hotter version of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13977

You deserved it

1141

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Banished

Don't give up

I have to do is dream

By poopooppachuu - 11/10/2011 07:32 - United States

Today, in the middle of explaining over the phone to my crush how I felt about him, I got a text from his best friend, who was apparently with him at the time. It said, "He doesn't like you, get over it. Stop rambling." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36668

You deserved it

6032

Favorite

By RIPmyhair - 20/12/2018 20:00

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex when he asked if it was okay to finish on my back. Not only did he do that but he also got it on my neck, the side of my face, and my hair which I'd just gotten done at the salon for almost $200 and can't wash for 2 days. FML.

I agree, your life sucks

2066

You deserved it

2032

Favorite

By Urinal Fresh - 2/3/2012 10:19 - Australia

Today, I vacuumed my car as I'm trying to sell it. After the interior was clean, I sprayed some air freshener. The chosen smell was "new car". I think they mislabeled it, as my car now smells like urinal cakes. I have two potential buyers coming tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24074

You deserved it

4346

Favorite

By addictedtofml - 24/2/2009 07:31 - United States

Today, I called my boyfriend crying to tell him I had the most terrible day. He said I should come over, and he would make me feel better. I said I just want to snuggle, and I was impressed with his sincerity. Then he said, "Can we snuggle... with my dick in you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

77220

You deserved it

19764

Favorite

By babygirllxo - 13/7/2010 18:28 - Canada

Today, I slipped on the wet floor at work and sprained my wrist badly. I was carrying the wet floor sign so no one would slip. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36417

You deserved it

7129

Favorite

By sparky83000 - 29/10/2015 20:51 - Canada

Today, at work on a construction site, my coworker dropped a small piece of metal from 4 stories, and it struck another worker. We quickly began to climb down to see if the person was OK, and the same coworker dropped a metal pole, and crushed my hand, two minutes after the first accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25038

You deserved it

1432

Favorite

By cantprovenothing - 18/4/2014 21:31 - United States - Arlington

Today, I was babysitting a 9-year-old kid, when she got thirsty and asked for a drink. All I could find was some kind of Mexican fruit drink, but I didn't realize until too late that it was actually hard liquor. I had to scrub her mouth out with toothpaste and put her to bed to cover it all up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28500

You deserved it

48215

Favorite

By grossedout - 1/11/2014 00:39

Today, I was walking back to my dorm with my boyfriend. He was being really sweet as he held my hand. We were about to kiss goodnight and as he pushed some hair out of my face he said, "Can we hurry it up? I'm about to rip one." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32940

You deserved it

3697

Favorite

By Alice - 30/8/2015 12:13 - United States - Logan

Today, I met my fiancé's much older sister for the first time. Turns out she is actually my old high school English teacher who used to make me cry at least 3 times a week. It's been three hours and I've accidentally called her Miss Willow 4 times and been reduced to tears twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30447

You deserved it

3251

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/9/2010 02:20 - United States

Today, I had to do something that many young technologically-savvy people fear. I had to get on my dad's Facebook for him to delete a rather scandalous photo of his genitals he accidentally uploaded. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41657

You deserved it

3312

Favorite

By Superficial - 9/12/2009 22:19 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for being superficial. She said I was superficial because I paid $100 for acne medication, because she always complained about how much acne I had. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36870

You deserved it

2665

Favorite

By PerpetuallyHappy - 25/9/2012 23:20 - United States - Rochester

Today, I got sent to the principal's office because my Dad decided that instead of signing his name, he would sign, "Ms. Bigtits", because he wanted to make sure the teachers were paying attention to what their students handed in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26750

You deserved it

1882

Favorite

By hotmommy - 20/12/2010 00:23

Today, I went to the mall with my daughter. She asked me if she could go see Santa, so I said yes. She made me sit on his lap with her, and that's when I felt something on my bum. Let's just say Santa had a present for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45023

You deserved it

6573

Favorite

By Ohgodhelpme - 25/10/2018 03:00

Today, my boyfriend bought me a vibrator for my birthday. Sounds sweet, right? Then he invited my 10/14-year-old cousins to our house. They surprised me in my room. While I was using it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3362

You deserved it

689

Favorite

By SkinsCastSelection - 17/1/2011 20:13 - Belgium

Today, in high school, we had a presentation about sex, condoms, etc. After a while, the lady explained that we should get to know our sexual organs better. "For example, my daughter looks at her vagina in front of a mirror to check it out." I’m her daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66303

You deserved it

6817

Favorite

By hinting - 17/6/2013 16:43 - United States - Dearborn

Today, my grandma's new dildo arrived in the mail. We buried her yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

76293

You deserved it

4567

Favorite

By ksmith - 9/8/2011 04:59 - United States

Today, I finally noticed that my wife only shaves her bush when she goes on "business trips." FML

I agree, your life sucks

61403

You deserved it

5128

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/10/2019 02:00

Sex Ed has failed a lot of people

Today, a senior girl in my college-level biology course asked our professor what periods are like when you’re pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1468

You deserved it

152

Favorite

By Just Awkward - 21/4/2017 02:00

Today, I was in class rubbing my hands together. The lecturer thought that because my hands were up, I had a question. I replied with, "Oh, no I was just playing with myself." Just as it left my mouth, I realised what I was saying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4394

You deserved it

1219

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/1/2011 19:14 - United States

Today, I was drinking a bottle of water. My friend came up from behind and scared me, causing me to inhale and choke on the water. Lacking air, I passed out. I awoke to him on the ground laughing his ass off. I almost drowned drinking a bottle of water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33231

You deserved it

4328

Favorite

By carla - 13/1/2009 01:35 - France

Today, as I came out of some changing rooms in a clothes shop, I gave back all the stuff I'd tried on to a saleswoman. I then walk off, make it about a couple of yards, change my mind and decide to purchase one of the items I'd tried. When I get back, the saleswoman was spraying the changing room I'd used with deodorant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19462

You deserved it

10516

Favorite

By small dick energy - 2/5/2019 04:00

Today, I found out just how much of a psychotically insecure nitwit my boyfriend is. He flew into a screaming rage that I was only adding cucumbers to my water and my meals lately to insinuate that he has a small penis. Yeah, I’m confused too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2335

You deserved it

219

Favorite

By cunting cuntface of a boss - 25/2/2014 20:42 - Australia

Today, I had to proofread a document my boss had written. When I pointed out that he spelled "college" as "collage" multiple times, he angrily accused me of trying to make him look stupid. This is the guy who constantly boasts about his "genius" IQ level to the whole office. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42013

You deserved it

3446

Favorite

By foreveravirgin - 15/8/2012 19:07 - United States - New Orleans

Today, I found out that instead of going on a date with a girl I've liked for months, I'm going to be forced to have lunch with my grandmother tomorrow. Instead of losing my virginity, I will get to be interrogated about why I'm single. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30563

You deserved it

7245

Favorite

By Anonymous - 12/5/2011 07:54

Today, I got a paper cut from a 'get well soon' card. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41410

You deserved it

5667

Favorite

By Anonymous - 6/9/2018 14:30

Today, I and several housemates have food poisoning. From what? Last night's Subway, which we only got to avoid eating the pork that was possibly bad as none of us wanted to be sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2457

You deserved it

245

Favorite

By Noname - 24/2/2009 23:57 - United States

Today, my hard drive on my computer crashed with all of my files on it. I took it to my Dad, who is a computer analyst, to see if he could recover anything. The only thing that he could salvage was my illustrious collection of porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22444

You deserved it

66161

Favorite

By gettinghotinhere - 17/10/2014 18:29 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I climbed onto my boyfriend's lap and sexily told him "It's getting hot in here," and started unbuttoning my shirt. He said "Oh," pushed me off him, and went to turn the ceiling fan on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46647

You deserved it

6819

Favorite

By MissAnonymous93 - 14/5/2016 15:32 - South Africa

Today, I got my tonsils removed. My body also agreed that today was a good day to get a bad cough. My bed currently looks like a scene out of "Dexter". FML

I agree, your life sucks

12221

You deserved it

740

Favorite

By banana - 4/2/2009 20:20 - United States

Today, I hooked up with this man for the first time. He takes his shirt off and has a chestful of black hair. He had his name shaved into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41935

You deserved it

8660

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/3/2013 06:06 - United States

Today, while working at Starbucks, a man came in and placed his order. I made his drink, topped it with whipped cream, and put the lid on. Some cream was seeping out of the top. He looked at me and said, "Good... you left a nipple..." and slowly licked it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34492

You deserved it

3640

Favorite

By Rosies - 30/11/2008 02:34 - France

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents. We all looked together at family photos on the computer. The first picture was a close up of my mother, bare breasts in full view. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35401

You deserved it

2904

Favorite

By fuundmental/// - 9/4/2011 05:46 - Australia

Today, I was looking in my grandparents' drawers and cupboards to find a blanket, but instead found a stash of sex toys, and a male G-string with a horse on the front. The best bit? When you press the horse's nose, it neighs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43509

You deserved it

9920

Favorite

By Cirese Summerrose - 21/9/2019 18:00

Sharing is caring

Today, I found out I have herpes. I'm 9 months pregnant and have only been with my husband. It just so happens that our roommate just got over herpes. I thought they were just spending time together, bonding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2116

You deserved it

205

Favorite

By Chlo - 11/8/2019 22:00

Today, I went on a first date. We had the same phone, and we'd put them down next to each other on the table. I get a message and we both look. It’s my period tracker telling me to be careful, because the flood gates are opening. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1569

You deserved it

357

Favorite

By Noname - 24/1/2009 19:14 - United States

Today, I got a letter from the Navy saying that they accepted my application to join the Navy. I never applied. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41341

You deserved it

2527

Favorite

By johnsj8 - 17/3/2011 15:11

Today, I was moving to the city with all my belongings when the trailer came unhitched, breaking the chains on my dad's homemade trailer. I then watched as the trailer narrowly missed a guardrail, went down a hill and into a river. My dad still won't admit he didn't latch the hitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34132

You deserved it

4359

Favorite

By Anonymous - 3/1/2015 21:16 - United States - Newark

Today, as I left the supermarket, I found someone had hit my car in the parking lot. There was a note tucked under the wipers. Insurance details? Nope. It just said "Sorry dude. I fucked up. Good luck with the car." Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33971

You deserved it

2262

Favorite

By j_babydoll6520 - 26/8/2011 11:09 - Australia

Today, I got a text message from a number I don't know saying "I'm sorry, but I'm cheating on you, I couldn't do this in person because you're ugly when you cry." I haven't had a relationship in 6 years and I still manage to get dumped. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41530

You deserved it

3128

Favorite

By Hareega - 19/12/2009 07:39 - United States

Today, I took my first day off in 3 weeks just so I can sleep in. The office secretary woke me up at 7.12 am with a page wishing me a nice day off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30429

You deserved it

3953

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By stingray112 | 24

#6591340 - Thursday 28 April 2016 16:41

Well maybe in looks but she could turn out to be a complete bitch and you may be awesome so I wouldn't sweat it. Everyone has their preferences.

By Luka_Banana | 13

#6591354 - Thursday 28 April 2016 16:52

what?

COMMENTS

By stingray112 | 24

#6591340 - Thursday 28 April 2016 16:41

Well maybe in looks but she could turn out to be a complete bitch and you may be awesome so I wouldn't sweat it. Everyone has their preferences.

By phantomxbg | 17

#6591341 - Thursday 28 April 2016 16:41

Sorry, tell someone that they keep saying that OP, if the same lie pls keep doing that, it's bullying.

Luka_Banana | 13

#6591354 - Thursday 28 April 2016 16:52

what?

JETarchitect | 32

#6591360 - Thursday 28 April 2016 16:58

I think you mean please stop doing that....

By Ramb0 | 20

#6591353 - Thursday 28 April 2016 16:51

Well that's school for you...just gotta pick yourself back up

By gatorclay97 | 28

#6591365 - Thursday 28 April 2016 17:00

Pics or it didn't happen

ham_spam | 17

#6591520 - Thursday 28 April 2016 19:32

That's the most stupid thing I have read all day

scyth3s | 13

#6591586 - Thursday 28 April 2016 20:23

Most stupidest indeed.

By zaidthunder1 | 27

#6591377 - Thursday 28 April 2016 17:10

Boys like shiny new things.

By Estelle101_fml | 13

#6591381 - Thursday 28 April 2016 17:18

I feel you OP, I have an unofficial twin, who everyone says is prettier than me and dresses better. But I'm the nicer one, so one spreads rumors about me.

By embarass | 14

#6591391 - Thursday 28 April 2016 17:28

Hotter. Meaning you're still pretty hot. And that's their opinion, there might be someone in that class who is like "no way, you're the hottest", instead. Don't get down.

By Misskreher | 30

#6591491 - Thursday 28 April 2016 18:59

tere can only be one. Kill her.

ham_spam | 17

#6591521 - Thursday 28 April 2016 19:34

Kill her kill her with fire

By zugunru | 3

#6591634 - Thursday 28 April 2016 21:02

wow... tell everyone who says that that they just became the more asshole version of themselves

By caitlincrc | 16

#6591766 - Thursday 28 April 2016 23:34

Suck on that! Ayayayayay!