Today, a new girl showed up at my school and everyone really...

By kaleighf - United States - Hollywood

Today, a new girl showed up at my school and everyone really seems to be intrigued about her. I've been told at least five times today that she is the hotter version of me. FML

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13990

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Miscellaneous

Messed up

Man's best friend

Nutters Inc.

By No thanks - United States

Today, I was sitting on a fence watching a friend play soccer. He accidentally kicked the ball at my face and made me fall off the fence into mud. I laughed it off and got back on the fence. Two seconds later he did the same exact thing. I fell wrong and slammed my face into the fence. Pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30968

You deserved it

5963

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By Noname - United States

Today, I got an email from the local D and D meet up group that the next meeting will be on Feb. 14th. I don't know what is more sad: that the group is meeting on Valentine's Day, or that I have nothing better to do but go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30154

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4502

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By minibuch1505 - France - Halluin

Today, as I was waiting for my girlfriend in the street, I saw a woman who looked a lot like her. I ran towards her, my arms in the air ready to give her a hug, only to realise it wasn't her. I then had to pass the woman, my arms in the air, still running. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33654

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By DormHater - United States

Today, I helped move my current boyfriend into his new dorm room. This would've been fine if I didn't have to do this while avoiding eye contact with my ex-boyfriend, who just happens to be my boyfriend's new roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35151

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By never ending story - United States

Today, it doesn’t matter that I had major surgery on my hand 2 days ago and am supposed to be on bed rest with no hand movement for 3 weeks. According to my father and my husband, it doesn’t excuse me from wifely house duties and being the sole caretaker of our one-year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5478

You deserved it

444

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By Reggie

Today, it was the first sunny spring day that I had off from work. I spent the morning making a picnic lunch and took my girlfriend to a beautiful spot overlooking the lake. I did not count on a bird flying by with perfect poop aim as soon as we spread out the food. FML

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2557

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194

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By Anonymous

Today, my wife informed me that she wants a boyfriend but doesn't want a divorce. Also, apparently I'm horrible for not "respecting her feelings" when I told her she can't have both. FML

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4505

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274

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By scarlett666 - United Kingdom

Today, on a plane home from Ireland, my husband who was severely hungover, vomitted in a bag before we took off. When he got up to put the bag in the bin the stewardess forced him to sit back down. I had to hold on to a bag full of vomit for a good few minutes whilst my husband was passed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39824

You deserved it

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By mochiko - United States

Today, I was at the mall with my little brother. I saw him touching some expensive objects, so I slapped his arm. I noticed he wasn't my brother when he started crying and his real mom slapped me in the face. FML

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16454

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56156

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By Kyokushin - United States

Today, I came home from work when I heard people in my apartment. My apartment was supposed to be empty, so I entered ready to fight some thieves. I rushed in and hit the closest person to me before the lights switched on. It was a surprise party. I broke my girlfriend's cheek-bone. FML

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55821

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20132

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By Simon Cowell

Today, I realised my teeth are so stained that they look cleaner when I've not brushed them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2182

You deserved it

833

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By tbalboa - United States

Today, a cop pulled me over and started bitching me out. He was certain I'd been drinking, because, "Nobody goes to Albertacos this late at night unless they're drunk." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31659

You deserved it

3257

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By Anonymous

This is why we can't have nice things.

Today, my husband brought home a machete. In the process of showing me a trick he learned, he managed to slice a nice big hole in our brand new very expensive sectional. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3109

You deserved it

420

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By knickersdontfit - United States

Today, I was doing my grocery shopping, absent-mindedly wondering if my new diet was working. I got my answer when my panties fell down around my ankles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28818

You deserved it

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By Teddy - United States - Gardner

Today, I ran into my sister, who nobody in the family has seen in six years. She looked very happy working the pole. FML

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35792

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3997

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By Moe - United States

Today, I discovered that I had lost my phone. I drove to the campus to try and find it, and parked in a gated lot where you pay when you leave. All the buildings were closed, so I had to go home. That's when I realized that I didn't have my wallet to get my car out. And no phone to call a ride. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30044

You deserved it

7614

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By ktin - Australia

Today, I got wii fit, wii Mario kart and wii Mario galaxy for my birthday, I don't have a wii. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39339

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4853

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By mikesok988 - United States

Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57270

You deserved it

4777

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, there was a mandatory staff-wide "cleaning party" for a corporate inspection. I was assigned the outside bar which is infested with full-grown roaches with wings. FML

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25584

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2212

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By mishyb - United States - Englewood

Today, my horse farted and scared itself, then ran all the way up the hill and wouldn't stop until I fell off. FML

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51362

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my brother changed the password on my laptop so that I can't log into my profile. All my notes for school are on it and finals start on Monday. Guess who can't remember the new password. FML

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38479

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By Messiahman - United States

Today, I was playing twister with my girlfriend at the school carnival. I jokingly squeeze her butt, only to find her mom standing right above us. FML

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13876

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By TooYoungForThis - Canada

Today, I sneezed so hard that I threw my back out. Now my back is in agonizing pain, and I can barely walk. FML

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45069

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By Jobless

Today, my new job e-mailed to tell me the role was no longer available, leaving me to start my job search all over again. My notice at my current job ends this week. But it's OK, because as compensation for my 'distress', the company sent £100 worth of vouchers... to the wrong address. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4385

You deserved it

251

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By Scared - United States - Pacific

Today, I fell asleep while watching the Ted Bundy documentary. I'm a woman, home alone, in Seattle. The nightmares were so scary, I may never want to sleep again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1619

You deserved it

711

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By tortured

Today, despite using deodorant religiously and showering twice a day, my roommate still smells so bad that every time she enters the room I become physically sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2851

You deserved it

229

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By noo - Australia

Today, my girlfriend's mother called me to tell me she didn't appreciate our "public amorous behaviour" at the local food court. I didn't go out all day. FML

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40037

You deserved it

2408

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I put an anonymous note under my neighbour's door asking them to not have sex so loudly during the day. Since then, I haven't heard any sex. Unfortunately, I have heard a woman crying loudly because she just found out about her husband's affair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51344

You deserved it

10707

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to a local Indian takeaway, since I'm from India originally, and none of my friends speak Hindi. I went up to the counter and placed my order in Hindi with the seemingly Indian owner. He gave me a weird look and said, "Huh? Speak English, ya rimjob." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46992

You deserved it

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By BoredRunner42 - United States

Today, I had a great time with a girl I liked. I asked her out and she said yes. She also said she cuts herself and if I ever broke up with her, I'll be responsible for her death. FML

I agree, your life sucks

72486

You deserved it

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By Sebastian - United States

Today, our school had tryouts for chorus. Everybody sang a snippet of the song together until the teacher stopped us, saying it sounded awful. He singled me out and told me to sing alone. After I sang the part, he said, "Son, your gift to God will be silence." FML

I agree, your life sucks

73612

You deserved it

7744

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By Greg - United Kingdom

Today, I got left in the middle of slow dancing with a girl I liked. She came back and said, "Sorry, I had to make sure the guy I really like knows that I don't like you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

41485

You deserved it

2521

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By Confused

Today, I woke up 2 hours early to go to the physical therapist my doctor referred me to. She did confirm physical therapy will help, but she doesn't treat my issue. She’s also the only person in my city who takes my insurance. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9448

You deserved it

615

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By Poorphone - United States - Denver

Today, my car got stuck in a foot of snow. I tried desperately digging around my wheels to see if it would help. I was finally able to get out 10 minutes later only to realize that I had dropped my phone in the snow while I was digging and had run over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8759

You deserved it

999

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I thought it was a good idea to go number two while smoking a "cigarette". My ash tray was over by the sink so I decided to just ash in the toilet. While ashing between my legs, I sneezed and now I have a extremely uncomfortable burn on my man member. Smoking is bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9405

You deserved it

90601

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By Eskyew - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking on the phone, and things got a little heated. We were in the middle of some kinky dialog, complete with hand action when he suddenly goes silent. While waiting for a response, I heard typing on the other end. He was checking his email. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43556

You deserved it

8973

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By bathroomseww - United States

Today, I went out to a nice restaurant for my friend's birthday. I went to the bathroom and heard the woman in the other stall crying. She couldn't pull her underwear up over her obese, old-lady ass because her arms don't reach that far anymore. I was the only one there. I had no choice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

81950

You deserved it

12363

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By Pancakegirl - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a friend at IHOP. When I left, a middle aged man in the parking lot offered me $100 to sleep with him in the dumpsters behind the building. That is the first time I've been hit on in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46714

You deserved it

4018

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By tannerrosetx_1 - United States - Irving

Today, I was pickpocketed. I didn't realize until I stopped to get breakfast. I went back home to see that my dog had taken my wallet and had ripped and torn it up. I was pickpocketed by my own dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30017

You deserved it

3701

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By Class - United States - Newton Center

Today, I brought my 90-year-old grandfather into school for a project that required to bring in "a first-hand account" of the Great Depression. He started off by telling the class how in his day, they "threw rocks at black people." FML

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32105

You deserved it

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Top comments

By stingray112 | 24

#6591340 - Thursday 28 April 2016 16:41

Well maybe in looks but she could turn out to be a complete bitch and you may be awesome so I wouldn't sweat it. Everyone has their preferences.

By Luka_Banana | 13

#6591354 - Thursday 28 April 2016 16:52

what?

COMMENTS

By stingray112 | 24

#6591340 - Thursday 28 April 2016 16:41

Well maybe in looks but she could turn out to be a complete bitch and you may be awesome so I wouldn't sweat it. Everyone has their preferences.

By phantomxbg | 17

#6591341 - Thursday 28 April 2016 16:41

Sorry, tell someone that they keep saying that OP, if the same lie pls keep doing that, it's bullying.

Luka_Banana | 13

#6591354 - Thursday 28 April 2016 16:52

what?

JETarchitect | 32

#6591360 - Thursday 28 April 2016 16:58

I think you mean please stop doing that....

By Ramb0 | 20

#6591353 - Thursday 28 April 2016 16:51

Well that's school for you...just gotta pick yourself back up

By gatorclay97 | 28

#6591365 - Thursday 28 April 2016 17:00

Pics or it didn't happen

ham_spam | 17

#6591520 - Thursday 28 April 2016 19:32

That's the most stupid thing I have read all day

scyth3s | 13

#6591586 - Thursday 28 April 2016 20:23

Most stupidest indeed.

By zaidthunder1 | 27

#6591377 - Thursday 28 April 2016 17:10

Boys like shiny new things.

By Estelle101_fml | 13

#6591381 - Thursday 28 April 2016 17:18

I feel you OP, I have an unofficial twin, who everyone says is prettier than me and dresses better. But I'm the nicer one, so one spreads rumors about me.

By embarass | 14

#6591391 - Thursday 28 April 2016 17:28

Hotter. Meaning you're still pretty hot. And that's their opinion, there might be someone in that class who is like "no way, you're the hottest", instead. Don't get down.

By Misskreher | 30

#6591491 - Thursday 28 April 2016 18:59

tere can only be one. Kill her.

ham_spam | 17

#6591521 - Thursday 28 April 2016 19:34

Kill her kill her with fire

By zugunru | 3

#6591634 - Thursday 28 April 2016 21:02

wow... tell everyone who says that that they just became the more asshole version of themselves

By caitlincrc | 16

#6591766 - Thursday 28 April 2016 23:34

Suck on that! Ayayayayay!