Today, a month after my final bout of intimacy with the stage five clinger who's been borderline stalking me since high school, she called to tell me I'm going to be a father. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was told that I will be a father in 2 months. I had a one night stand about 7 months ago. FML
Today, I saw my girlfriend after 10 months of being away. She was pregnant. She actually had the brass balls to tell me I needed to "Man up and be this child's father." Get the fuck out, you cheating whore. FML
Today, my fiancé told me his ex-wife was 5 weeks pregnant. I was happy for her, and glad she had finally moved on. Until I found out who the father was. They're moving back in together, for the baby's sake. FML
Today, ten years after getting my college girlfriend pregnant and leaving because I wasn't ready, I reached out to her and told her I'm ready to be a father. Apparently my son "already has a father in his life" and "doesn't need me." She laughed at me when I threatened to sue for custody, and hung up. FML
Today, I found out that I'm pregnant. I also found out that the dad has a fiancée. FML
Today, there were a few loud and annoying kids running around my store. My coworker and I started talking. I jokingly stated, "Yeah, kids ruin everything." But before I could get out, "God knows I'm not ready to be a dad," my phone rang. It was my one night stand. I'm going to be a daddy. FML
Today, my fiancée, who believes in "sex after marriage" like me, told me she was pregnant. FML
Today, I called my ex and told him I was pregnant with his child. He was thrilled, going on and on about how much he wanted to be a dad. I had to tell him I was going to abort it. FML
Today, I found out that, after a year of separation, my ex-wife is pregnant and due in a few months. The divorce became official a few weeks ago and the father is my former best friend. FML
Today, I've hated being a parent ever since I was baby-trapped at 17, but I stuck through it and never let my son suspect how I really felt, and we have a great relationship now he’s an adult. Well he just moved out yesterday, and today my wife told me she’s pregnant. Here we fucking go again. FML
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Top comments
2ndSucks 15
She's stalking you, but you still screwed her? Smart.
Fx13mz 7
Dude, you ****** up. =/
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Comments (207)
theressarina 2
Did you really think we'd say anything other than YDI? YDI.
VenomousEgo 0
Some one ****** up
jaketheman222 0
Dude Ur a ******* tard for doing it with no condom and with a damn stalker
KittahMonster 20
Your a retard. You: "OMG shes stalking me!!!! i guess ill just sleep with her." Me: wtf ydi forever. grow a brain and AT LEAST ONE ball.
detorio 2
Run for the hills son!
WinterSanctity 21
Why would you sleep with your stalker? Even if it's "borderline," it's still something you shouldn't do. Saying she's a stalker implies that 1. you two are not together and 2. you don't want to be together. Sleeping with her is the last thing you would want to do. Even if you didn't man it, you're telling her "I love you and I want to be with you." Also, if you're going to sleep with her anyways, you handle the protection. She's on the pill? Too bad, use a condom. Using a condom? Better be one of yours that she hasn't been able to get her hands on...
gigi03 5
Thats why you always wrap your tool.
cnr1234 2
Stop having sex with stage five clingers you idiot!
eccles 17
You're kind of a prick.
Timja83 0
Hopefully the kid doesn't turn out to be as dumb as the two of you!