Money: Today, a man approached my delivery van and asked for change... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 395

You deserved it 105

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 161

You deserved it 1 371

26/09/2014 23:58

Today, a man approached my delivery van and asked for change for a $5 bill. I guess I should've expected him to grab the change and run off with the extra money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 653

You deserved it 6 605

Best teeth in the game

No plus ones

Not now, mom, I'm in pain

03/06/2011 04:47

Today, my boss's cat died. I'm expected to attend the service. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 080

You deserved it 4 502

01/02/2016 23:11

Today, it's been about 8 months since I moved into my studio flat. It was already furnished, there was no bed but a fancy bedseat from Ikea. I slept uncomfortably on it for months until I realised it pulls out to become a double bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 164

You deserved it 12 062

01/03/2013 15:52

Today, I filled out an application for a job at Dairy Queen. I handed my application to the manager along with my résumé, and he said he'd be in contact with me. Not even five minutes after I left, a friend who works there sent me a picture of my crumpled-up application in the trash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 131

You deserved it 2 765

20/06/2010 00:40

Today, a close friend pointed out to me how ironic it is that I make the Sim version of myself work out to lose weight, while I sit on my fat ass playing video games. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 554

You deserved it 53 428

29/03/2012 06:33

Today, I got my foot stuck in the car seat belt. I kept pulling to loosen it up but it just kept getting tighter till my foot was in the air, so I started panicking and eventually started crying. My boyfriend had to pull over and save me from a seat belt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 445

You deserved it 27 515

12/04/2009 04:44

Today, my ten year old son realized something. Beer is alcohol. People who drink a lot of alcohol are alcoholics. Therefore I am an alcoholic for drinking beer with dinner. He told everyone at his conservative private school and they tried to have an intervention. They pray for me every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 609

You deserved it 12 868

16/12/2012 00:03

Today, my car is still in the shop, so I asked my psycho brother to drive me to the mall. He sped up to nearly 20km over the speed limit, so I shouted for him to stop before he got us both killed. He hit the brakes in the middle of an intersection, and wouldn't move again until I got out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 210

You deserved it 8 136

13/02/2011 09:01

Spicy

Today, I realized how out of shape I am, when I couldn't finish masturbating because I ran out of breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 938

You deserved it 64 540

12/02/2014 18:11

Today, a guy drove straight into an intersection, running a stop sign and narrowly missing my car. I had to swerve into a snow bank to avoid him. He stopped long enough to see that I had a toddler in my car, before flipping me off and driving away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 247

You deserved it 3 635

01/08/2019 06:00

Today, my boyfriend sneaked into my room, not knowing I wasn't home. It would have been great, except my dad went in my room to put laundry away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 187

You deserved it 403

18/07/2016 19:35

Today, I had to visit a new office building for a meeting. Halfway through the meeting, I got really nauseous and needed to throw up. I ran to find a bathroom, but got lost and ended up in a printing room. With no other option, I was forced to puke into a large envelope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 583

You deserved it 864

29/07/2015 17:00

Today, during my father's funeral, I heard my mother-in-law mutter, "No loss there. Lazy cunt." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 080

You deserved it 1 687

06/04/2009 17:15

Today, I was going on a dinner date with a girl I had just met. After I picked her up I asked her if she would like to get lobster. She looked at me and asked if those were the red ones. Confused I nodded. She replied, "Sorry, I don't eat red meat." I laughed. She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 058

You deserved it 5 972

03/03/2009 01:57

Today, my parents refused to visit me at college because "the flights are too expensive." They are currently shopping for a new car to replace my mother's two-year-old Porsche. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 786

You deserved it 4 039

21/12/2010 05:09

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend asked me to have phone sex with him. However, it seems he doesn't quite know what it is, so now he wants me to explain it to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 457

You deserved it 4 402

02/07/2010 04:21

Today, I discovered my former boss from the job I quit 3 months is now my boss at my new job. He was the reason I quit my old job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 918

You deserved it 3 439

06/12/2009 14:03

Today, I sneezed while brushing my teeth and ended up with toothpaste in my eye. I haven't been able to see for two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 704

You deserved it 4 002

26/04/2016 20:49

Today, there was a gigantic wasp in my room. It stupidly flew upwards and got hit by the rotating fan. It then immediately decided to take it's revenge by stinging me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 380

You deserved it 1 003

24/02/2014 22:22

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Devastated, I told my dad about it, hoping he'd help cheer me up. His advice was, "Just rub one out son, you'll feel better in no time." Thanks dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 287

You deserved it 6 797

20/12/2013 20:13

Today, I finally told my father that I was picked on at college all this year over my hearing disability. When I told him one of the jokes they made about me, he burst out into an uncontrollable fit of laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 777

You deserved it 3 558

Two sides to every story

By Anonymous - 08/08/2020 02:02

Spicy

Today, my grandpa told me that he and grandma had an open relationship, because, "it isn't satisfying to have sexuality with only one person your whole life.” According to grandma, he just cheated on her constantly and she couldn’t do anything to stop him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 863

You deserved it 124

27/01/2010 08:35

Today, I had a 10 hour drive to Las Vegas with only 2 CDs, Taylor Swift and Jason Mraz, and my girlfriend who thinks she's a good singer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 764

You deserved it 8 947

15/12/2013 19:16

Today, I finally got the courage to tell the girl I like how I feel. She instantly burst out laughing and said "A crush? Dude, what are you, 12?! Hahaha!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 459

You deserved it 6 279

27/09/2018 13:30

Today, my husband hooked up with his classmate in the school I talked him into going to. I helped him pass classes to get there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 922

You deserved it 250

28/05/2009 19:51

Today, my boyfriend of two years asked me to marry him so that we can consolidate our student loans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 638

You deserved it 3 950

06/07/2009 10:51

Today, I gave the option to my boyfriend of 5 years to either quit World of Warcraft of lose me. He said WOW makes him happier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 266

You deserved it 33 779

25/04/2013 00:16

Today, I was hanging out with a guy I really like. I let him use my phone, forgetting about the messages I'd sent about the consistency of my bowel movements. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 356

You deserved it 15 191

Bad sex

By Undersexed - 14/09/2016 22:01

Spicy

Today, my husband complained about my lack of sex drive. Gee, I wonder why, Mr. "Always comes first by humping for a whopping 30 seconds." FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 791

You deserved it 2 399

20/05/2019 06:35

Spicy

Today, while getting steamy with my boyfriend, I tried to be sexy and tease him by playfully pushing his hands away every time he touched me. He responded by telling me it's OK if we didn't have sex because my breath was a bit "funky" and he needed to take "a massive dump anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 024

You deserved it 2 874

18/12/2011 07:44

Today, I got screamed at, threatened, cursed, and spat on by an elderly couple for "running them off the road". I was driving an ambulance, lights and sirens on, with a 4 year old in the back who couldn't breathe. They were going 20 in a 50mph zone for 2 miles straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 241

You deserved it 2 564

Who's that weird guy?

By Anonymous - 27/12/2020 10:59

Today, I was trying to get a girl's attention, because I had a question. I shouted her name. No answer. I shouted again but louder. It wasn't her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 275

You deserved it 664

15/10/2017 13:00

Today, I woke up early and rushed to work to get to our first weekly safety meeting. I was the only one that remembered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 311

You deserved it 275

15/09/2018 13:00

Today, my neighbour's kitten got run over, so I bought her chocolate as comfort food. When I gave it to her she joked, "Now I'm going to get fat." It was at that moment that my brain stepped out and my mouth took over and I heard myself say, "You deserve it!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 357

You deserved it 829

02/01/2017 09:22

Today, I decided to catch a flight to see my boyfriend, who is stationed in the army 300 miles away. When I was just 15 minutes from the base he called to say that we should break up. Now I'm heading back to California, single and broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 868

You deserved it 628

29/12/2009 16:56

Today, I bought a $3000 HD camera. It never shipped to my house, so I was concerned. I then realized I had given the seller the address for a house in California. I live in Maine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 082

You deserved it 44 371

05/10/2014 17:29

Today, this girl I've been talking to texted me, saying she was going to visit. Trying to be sweet, I bought her $50 worth of chocolate and a cute card. Turns out she meant to send that text to her ex. Seems like the only thing I'll get from this relationship is diabetes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 952

You deserved it 5 425

People of Walmart

By Anonymous - 08/08/2021 22:00

Today, a bratty kid at Walmart called my mom a "fat bitch" when she wasn't walking fast enough for him. Enraged, I gave him the meanest death glare I could muster and I tore him a new one, right in front of his mother, who then defended her kid, saying that my mom and I should both lose a few pounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 939

You deserved it 205

18/06/2009 10:37

Today, I had a job interview but couldn't find my car keys. I had searched the entire apartment and had missed the interview. Turns out they were in my pocket the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 657

You deserved it 54 527

22/03/2009 16:39

Today, I got my laptop back after sending it to Dell to repair water damage after a night of partying. Dell returned my computer unrepaired, saying it was unfixable. When I called to ask why they couldn't fix it, they told me it was a biohazard. Someone got drunk and pissed on my laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 226

You deserved it 23 502

15/03/2010 13:33

Today, the satellite radio at work went on the fritz, playing one song over and over. Management wouldn't turn it off, though, because then customers would miss out on all those upcoming-sale announcements that run intermittently. Meanwhile, I got to listen to "Footloose" for eight hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 299

You deserved it 2 474

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Top comments

LaColombianita 26

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Saturday 27 September 2014 16:40

Well at least it was only $5 and not $50

missjessicamarie 14

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Saturday 27 September 2014 16:39

Hopefully karma will kick that guy in the ass! Don't lose faith in all of humanity yet OP, there's still some good people out there! :)

Comments

missjessicamarie 14

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Saturday 27 September 2014 16:39

Hopefully karma will kick that guy in the ass! Don't lose faith in all of humanity yet OP, there's still some good people out there! :)

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Saturday 27 September 2014 18:47

Karma is kicking his ass! He needs to steal 5 dollars :)

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Saturday 27 September 2014 19:34

a karma worth $5 ...

soccer_isbae 15

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Saturday 27 September 2014 20:05

It sucks that we live In a world where you're punished for trying to be nice...

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Saturday 27 September 2014 21:39

I think he stole more then the 5$. Unless im reading it wrong it says extra money.

orbit 22

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Sunday 28 September 2014 5:24

As in he never gave op the $5 bill for the change, so the thief made away with more money than he originally had. "Extra" money

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Saturday 27 September 2014 16:39

Some people.. Sorry hopefully you'll get good karma

LaColombianita 26

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Saturday 27 September 2014 16:40

Well at least it was only $5 and not $50

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Saturday 27 September 2014 16:48

I think it may have been more than $5 he took his money and the extra....maybe like his tips and or delivery fees. I dont think he'd be so upset over $5.

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Saturday 27 September 2014 16:52

I thought he was upset over the act itself, not the money lost.

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Sunday 28 September 2014 1:14

I think he stole the 5 dollars back plus the 5 dollars in change. so he left with 10 in all, is what I got out of the wording?

sayyestothedress 24

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Sunday 28 September 2014 2:51

#30 kinda, OP took out the change, gave it to him and thinking that the guy would give OP the 5$ bill

SarahSehhati 40

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Saturday 27 September 2014 16:42

Why did you not take the 5$ bill first and then exchange it?

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Saturday 27 September 2014 17:52

I was thinking the same thing

Brandi_Faith 33

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Saturday 27 September 2014 18:12

Some people are really trusting and wouldn't think to do that because they would never rip someone else off.

orbit 22

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Sunday 28 September 2014 21:04

Hindsight is 20/20

fatkidfalling 11

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Saturday 27 September 2014 16:45

You should have chased after him in your van.

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Saturday 27 September 2014 16:45

well, at least it was only 5 dollars. It could have been much worse. Karma will catch up to him OP!

FaultInMyStars 11

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Saturday 27 September 2014 16:49

So.. you lost 10 dollars?

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Saturday 27 September 2014 19:51

No, just 5. Op probably gave 5 one's, and didnt get their 5 in return.

FaultInMyStars 11

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Sunday 28 September 2014 4:41

Whoops, I saw two fives and just thought ten. And OP, that man's a total ass.

marleypuckpuck 22

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Saturday 27 September 2014 16:50

What a way to earn an extra $5...karma will come after him.

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Saturday 27 September 2014 16:51

You never know, he might have a change of heart.

alex_the_tiger 14

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Saturday 27 September 2014 16:54

If he needs to steal $5, he won't get far anyways