Health: Today, a mad woman squirted me with a water gun filled with paint...

By Anonymous - 06/11/2018 14:00

Today, a mad woman squirted me with a water gun filled with paint as we were leaving the church where I just married my husband. As I was staring at this mad bitch in my ruined dress, wondering why she would do something so horrible, she ran off crying and shouting, "Sorry wrong wedding!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 407

You deserved it 181

Health

Good kid

Taking stock

Great parenting, dude

By jlmbull - 29/07/2015 03:04 - United States - Lansing

Today, I had to wait thirty minutes after closing to check out a lady who was purchasing 20 different styles of curtains. I asked what she would be doing with them all, and she replied that she would be bringing 19 of them back tomorrow, as she didn't know which would match. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 028

You deserved it 1 850

By Too much skin? - 18/02/2018 05:00

Today, my girlfriend told me that I have “too much foreskin” and that I’d need to get circumcised if we were going to stay together. I’m already circumcised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 552

You deserved it 366

By ctschantz - 06/10/2010 14:29 - France

Today, I was getting ready to load my groceries in my car when my remote wouldn't work and neither would my key to unlock it. A cute young guy came over, not to help but to ask me what the hell I was doing to his car. My car, that looked exactly like his, was on the other side of the lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 729

You deserved it 13 479

By xo007 - 04/11/2009 17:40 - United States

Today, as I stepped into the shower, I slipped and fell over the edge of the tub, pulling the shower curtain down with me. I called my roommate to help me up as I put on a towel over me. But before she could help me up, she grabbed her phone to take a picture. The picture became a mass text. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 702

You deserved it 3 723

By Anonymous - 14/09/2012 20:47 - New Zealand - Dunedin

Today, I learned that you can be so sleep deprived that you sleep through your alarm, a construction crew outside your house, and your bladder completely voiding itself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 048

You deserved it 2 773

Do it yourself, then

By Anonymous - 27/06/2021 20:00

Today, my roommate said that whoever was doing the dishes was doing it wrong. I've been doing the dishes for weeks. So much for being a clean roommate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 722

You deserved it 90

By Ticklish - 13/04/2014 09:33 - United States - Marion

Today, I realized that my boyfriend is so obsessed with tickling me that my body has developed a conditioned response. Now I flinch every time he touches me, no matter what we're doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 593

You deserved it 4 433

Karma karma karma karma chameleon, you come and go.

By Karma - 15/03/2017 02:00

Today, I forgot my phone in a restaurant bathroom because I was too distracted trying to steal three rolls of toilet paper without anyone noticing. After sinking that low because I was too broke to buy my own toilet roll, I'm now also in the market for a new phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 632

You deserved it 7 054

When pranking goes too far

By Anonymous - 27/03/2021 20:01

Today, my husband has both arms broken, and I have to help him in the bathroom. Not the problem. My girlfriends and I have been pranking each other lately and it's been fun, but they decided to slip my husband slip him some laxatives so that I would have to clean him him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 961

You deserved it 150

By Anonymous - 10/08/2010 21:34 - United States

Today, I was shopping at a store from which I had previously bought a shirt. The clerk accused me of trying to steal my own shirt and called security. They examined it and argued with me for so long I was late to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 070

You deserved it 2 982

By KennyDidIt - 09/12/2012 13:18 - United States - Grand Bay

Today, it's my sixth day taking care of my family's seven animals while my parents are in Singapore. So far, I've emergency-called the vet twice, taken a dog to the vet once, and cleaned up liquid dog shit five times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 571

You deserved it 2 826

By xxmollyxx - 16/12/2010 11:54 - Sweden

Today, I dropped my remote behind the bed and went to reach for it. Instead of the remote, I grabbed hold of a rat carcass that must have got in when builders were working in my bathroom several weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 561

You deserved it 3 556

Suspicious activity

By Anonymous - 20/08/2021 08:01

Today, I pulled to the side of the road to take my medication. A cop claimed he’d seen me circling the area several times and gave me a ticket for kerb crawling. I’d literally just got off the motorway to take my pills. My wife is never going to believe I was innocent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 75

By stressedandcrowded - 05/02/2011 16:33 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my sister is going to spend the last two months of her pregancy in my house to be with my mother. She's bringing with her her three wild children. The visit also happens to coincide with my end of year examinations in May and June. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 979

You deserved it 3 336

Hello?

By Anonymous - 19/03/2015 05:35

Today, after a 16-hour work day, I came home to my husband. I talked to him for about 10 minutes, then realized that he wasn't answering me but had his headset on and was talking on Xbox live. Not even playing a game, just talking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 486

You deserved it 4 154

By Anonymous - 30/11/2015 16:34 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my school's theater production was canceled. Not because of budget, but because my co-star fell in love with me and asked me out. When I pointedly declined, he refused to act alongside me since it was "awkward." Everyone's blaming me for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 952

You deserved it 2 826

By Pissed - 21/10/2009 10:05 - New Zealand

Today, I was standing in the gas station, pulling out my wallet to pay the $100 of gas I just filled my car with. I opened my wallet and found a note saying "borrowed money for food". FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 324

You deserved it 4 302

Payday

By Jasmine - 14/07/2020 17:01

Today, I got fired during my maternity leave for requesting my unpaid wages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 946

You deserved it 104

DST FML

By Anonymous - 06/10/2021 08:00

Today, my partner and I spent the last 3 days transitioning our 19 month-olds bedtime by 15 minutes each day for daylight savings, only to find out we've been going the wrong way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 325

You deserved it 1 120

Dumbasses

By stay in there - 17/04/2020 23:00

Today, I got a call from the local police station. Apparently, my idiot son and his equally dumb girlfriend thought it would be a good idea to have sex in the car at a park in broad daylight. They assumed no one would be there due to the quarantine. They were wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 120

You deserved it 270

By ripped - 07/09/2016 14:57 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my cat used my head as a springboard and ripped my earring out with her claw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 770

You deserved it 1 352

By Anthony - 14/04/2016 23:15 - France

Today, on a train, a little boy and girl come up to me and ask how babies are made. Already pretty uncomfortable with their question, their mother suddenly appears and says, "Go on, tell them!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 118

You deserved it 1 644

By IssacB - 17/07/2015 17:56 - United States

Today, I came home after just 3 weeks of being away. It seems like my pool now has its own mini-ecosystem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 793

You deserved it 5 472

Quit while you're ahead

By Anonymous - 13/07/2021 05:01 - United States - Delhi

Today, I'm an executive at a startup game studio, making only $18,000 a year after 3 years of helping build the company. I was promised a raise once we secured our Seed B funding. So, after our investors backed us for $4.5 million recently, I followed up with the CEO about this. He responded by sending me a troll face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 129

You deserved it 103

By Anonymous - 08/11/2017 13:00 - United States

Today, during the birth of my first child, my epidural didn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 113

You deserved it 454

Blackout

By Anonymous - 21/08/2021 16:01

Today, I woke up from a night of serious depression, drinking by myself at home, to find a USB stick wrapped in plastic up my vagina, with "Top secret" written on it. There was nothing on the stick when I checked. I may need to give tequila a rest and switch back to gin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 413

You deserved it 1 509

By A.W - 24/06/2012 13:57 - United States

Today, I received an acceptance letter to Juilliard. After showing it to my mom, she tells me I can't attend because Robin Williams graduated from Juilliard, and he now has too much facial hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 964

You deserved it 2 238

By Anonymous - 06/11/2015 04:38 - United States - Montpelier

Today, I had to explain to my 35-year-old husband that "Honda" and "Hyundai" are two separate car companies, not to two different pronunciations of the same one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 131

You deserved it 2 135

By Anonymous - 04/06/2013 07:11 - United States - Rainier

Today, I received a prank phone call that woke me up. I actually kept them on the line because they were the first person to call me in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 260

You deserved it 6 132

Nice try

By johnnycomehelpme - 14/11/2014 00:59 - United States - Skokie

Today, I found out that my girlfriend was cheating on me. Her excuse? I was the one that had initially introduced them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 944

You deserved it 3 778

By Anonymous - 10/05/2009 18:46 - United States

Today, my boyfriend texted me saying, "I can come over today. She thinks I've got work." I think he had the wrong number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86 388

You deserved it 4 207

Never get involved

By Miguel Ezpeleta - 29/05/2020 05:00

Today, I was working for my cousin. However, two weeks ago I found out my cousin's wife was cheating on him, through lying to her best friend. I told him, and he later told her. They've apparently made up, because I got fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 417

You deserved it 183

By Unloveable - 13/06/2016 16:32 - United States - Priest River

Today, my boyfriend of six years broke up with me over video chat. Two days before I was to move across the country to be with him. All of my things are already shipped. He said he thinks of me as a sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 333

You deserved it 1 075

By Pimaan - 26/10/2011 16:14 - United States

Today, I decided to be a generous guy and slip a dollar from my pocket to a beggar. Turns out I'd slipped my hard-earned $100 bill instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 707

You deserved it 35 827

By Anonymous - 19/12/2010 20:51 - United States

Today, my last remaining pet, a hamster, died. Even he thinks it's better to drown in his water dish than brave the world living with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 054

You deserved it 7 177

By bloodyfreakinawful - 14/12/2012 06:40 - United States - Seabrook

Today, in class, I reached into my bag to pull out a tampon, which I hid under my sleeve so I could make a quick escape to the restroom. My teacher yelled at me, because she thought I'd taken out my phone. I then had to prove myself by showing the tampon to the whole class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 896

You deserved it 3 178

By Jeri - 12/02/2010 08:41 - United States

Today, the day of my 29th birthday and two weeks after our 10th wedding anniversary, the only thing my husband got me for my birthday was divorce papers. Happy birthday, bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 583

You deserved it 4 924

Good one, thanks

By MarkTheShark - 12/12/2009 05:23 - United States

Today, I left work to find a note on my windshield that read, "I think you're cute," with a phone number written down as well. I got super excited and immediately dialed. The phone was answered by a woman laughing hysterically. It was my Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 814

You deserved it 6 833

By Neglected - 11/12/2013 19:06 - United States - Wimberley

Today, I told my husband it would be great to spend an evening with a bottle of wine and a pile of blankets on the balcony of our cabin during the cruise. He decided it would be great to ditch me and go out gambling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 048

You deserved it 6 225

By Anonymous - 04/09/2011 16:21 - United States

Today, I finally got intimate with the girl I like. As I started lifting her shirt, she stuck her hand down my pants and grabbed my junk. She immediately stopped what she was doing, snickered, and calmly said, "Take me home." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 126

You deserved it 6 346

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Top comments

LadyRen 20

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Tuesday 6 November 2018 14:55

Get her info and make her pay for the dress.

TumblrweedPasses 11

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Tuesday 6 November 2018 19:21

At least you have a weird story to tell people in the future about the wedding Dont let batshit crazy paint gun woman ruin your day

ChromoTec 24

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Monday 22 October 2018 2:44

Sounds like a Fiasco! Or was it a Fresco?

BurnInDemonFire 32

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Monday 22 October 2018 5:53

Whatever it was, the woman sounds pentiment-al.

LadyRen 20

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Tuesday 6 November 2018 14:55

Get her info and make her pay for the dress.

BurnInDemonFire 32

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Tuesday 6 November 2018 16:12

How do you get the info of a random crazy person?

alycion 38

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Wednesday 7 November 2018 11:02

If security cameras were around, show the video around. Someone will most likely know who it is. Especially the intended target.

BurnInDemonFire 32

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Wednesday 7 November 2018 19:44

There's no guarantee the crazy lady was at the church on the right day, or even at the right church. And OP would have to hope their was CCTV around on the street, or nearby premises, because I've never known a church to install security cameras.

RichardPencil 30

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Tuesday 6 November 2018 17:43

Count yourself lucky that her gun was loaded with paint and not bullets. You literally dodged a bullet with that one!

TumblrweedPasses 11

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Tuesday 6 November 2018 19:21

At least you have a weird story to tell people in the future about the wedding Dont let batshit crazy paint gun woman ruin your day

rodfergie 18

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Tuesday 6 November 2018 20:02

I don't know a single bride that would not have chased her ass down and beat her like a redheaded stepchild.

Insanegd 4

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Tuesday 6 November 2018 20:14

I'm trying to figure out on how people think she deserved this. Not as if she had enough time to react to her before getting shot.

bonsai 11

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Tuesday 6 November 2018 22:40

Sorry that happened to you I hope it didn’t ruin the day and that the rest of your day was lovely.

Razell 13

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Wednesday 7 November 2018 0:34

Ladies: don't be the paint-gun woman. It doesn't matter how angry you are at your baby-daddy for marrying someone else.

aje001 8

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Wednesday 7 November 2018 0:44

bitches be crazy

yeongji 31

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Wednesday 7 November 2018 7:46

Even if the bride tried, the chances of catching the woman would have been slim based on the bride's attire (heels, long dress, etc). I am more surprised that no one attending the wedding went after the mad woman.