Health: Today, a mad woman squirted me with a water gun filled with paint... - FML

By Anonymous

Today, a mad woman squirted me with a water gun filled with paint as we were leaving the church where I just married my husband. As I was staring at this mad bitch in my ruined dress, wondering why she would do something so horrible, she ran off crying and shouting, "Sorry wrong wedding!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

4352

You deserved it

179

Tweet

Share

Proactive

Spooky

Out of the frying pan

By pagvscgrac - United States

Today, I got a hand cramp from popping zits on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13032

You deserved it

25292

Tweet

Share

By assholedad - United States

Today, I asked my dad to please shave his awful beard, because I'm a laughing-stock at school for being picked up each day by a guy whose face looks like Bigfoot's ass. He agreed, and 10 minutes later was sporting a pedo-stache. It's going to be a long year. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32158

You deserved it

10771

Tweet

Share

By Username - United States

Today, a highly intoxicated man came into my workplace and complained that the medicine that I'd prescribed for his dog almost choked him. I work at Blockbuster. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32575

You deserved it

2583

Tweet

Share

By just me - Germany - Overath

Today, I argued heavily with my dad over being dragged to a family game of lacrosse. All through the game, he kept "accidentally" hurling the ball straight at me on the sideline. After he eventually nailed me straight in the heart, he screamed at me to "get out of the fucking way". FML

I agree, your life sucks

26093

You deserved it

3458

Tweet

Share

By xoxoblondee - United States - Valley Village

Today, I learned the hard way why no matter how constipated you are, it is never a good idea to use a suppository when you are tired. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5196

You deserved it

1140

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my very drunk mother decided to run down the block naked, screaming at the top of her lungs, "She's trying to kill me" as I followed behind her in my car, yelling for her to get in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36028

You deserved it

2712

Tweet

Share

By neverdatingacopagain - United States

Today, I woke up to find a parking ticket on my car. My car was in my driveway and the cop who wrote it is my ex-boyfriend. This is the third time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47853

You deserved it

6697

Tweet

Share

By butimarealbear - United States

Today, my mother started dating a man who insists people call him 'Panda'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35583

You deserved it

3239

Tweet

Share

By wantedphantom

Today, I was at the lake with my family. I was drinking from a can of soda but didn't realize a bee flew into the can. I didn't swallow it, but I now have Kylie Jenner's lips. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11728

You deserved it

988

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Bad friends

Today, I was hanging with my friends when out of the blue, I got thirsty. Friends said there was Gatorade in the fridge. Being the trusting person I am, I took a drink, only to discover it was piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2357

You deserved it

278

Tweet

Share

By MarBlu - United States

Today, I came home from the army and explained to my family how tough it was there. Then, as I was walking away, I stubbed my toe on the couch, fell and cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47545

You deserved it

16398

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 23/5/2020 17:00

Tense

Today, my dad happened to mention he proposed to his girlfriend I had no idea he was dating. Turns out it's one of my old high school teachers, specifically the bitch who hated me as much as I hated her. My dad is so oblivious, he has no idea WWIII is about to start in our living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1777

You deserved it

167

Tweet

Share

By Oops - Australia

Today, I was talking to a female friend online. She was typing out a story bit by bit about how awful she was feeling after being teased. I was responding with "So, so true" but because of my slow typing it appeared after she wrote, "Doesn't help being fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29940

You deserved it

6060

Tweet

Share

By Loserbot - United States - Saint Petersburg

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. Right as she orgasmed, she screamed out Megatron's name. When I later confronted her about this, she said that she always had a crush on him and wanted to be queen of the Decepticons. I've been dating this lunatic for a year and half now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22097

You deserved it

27675

Tweet

Share

By lalala_hahaha - France

Today, I had some girlfriends over, while my parents were having a party at our house. My drunken dad decided to come down to the basement and show us all his third nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29813

You deserved it

3043

Tweet

Share

By kids say the darnedest things - United States - Denver

Today, my 3-year-old daughter asked me to carry her from the car to the house. I asked her for 3 kisses and a hug in return. She said she'd rather walk instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50192

You deserved it

7089

Tweet

Share

By BluesMan1990 - United States

Today, I was giving a speech to my 300 some-odd person class. All throughout it, people had been giggling and cackling while I was speaking. I soon realized that my pants had been unzipped. I accidentally fell asleep with all my underwear in the washer last night and had gone commando that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40388

You deserved it

21437

Tweet

Share

By technologyfail - United States

Today, I discovered a bunch of emails from my old account that weren't forwarded to my new one. Because of this, I missed a job offer and all the emails from my long distance boyfriend asking if he could visit. I still don't have a job and I broke up with him because he "failed to communicate." FML

I agree, your life sucks

19882

You deserved it

50874

Tweet

Share

By notacreep - United States

Today, I was at the mall with my girlfriend's family. Her 7 year old brother told me he was feeling sad, so I tried to give him a pat on the back, but it turns out he had a bruise there. He yelled out "don't touch me there!" In the middle of the mall. Now her parents think I'm a pedophile. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52072

You deserved it

4046

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - United States - Boise

Today, the first thing I noticed about my blind date was the clump of nose hairs sticking out and mingling with his beard. In an effort to not stare, I periodically glanced away. After a while, he asked which guy I was into at the table next to us, because I was spending so much time looking in that direction. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12762

You deserved it

1914

Tweet

Share

By HereKittyKitty - United States - Carlsbad

Today, after being convinced that my cat had worms due to eating so much food and still looking really skinny, I found out that my neighbor secretly lets his dog in through my pet door while I'm at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42785

You deserved it

2873

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - South Africa - Pinetown

Today, my little brother learned about mortality when our dog died. Since then, he's gone a little nuts and keeps ranting that he sees no point as to why our other dog should live. He's 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33095

You deserved it

2629

Tweet

Share

By iris - Portugal - Lisbon

Today, I brought my boyfriend home, and I introduced him to my parents. Afterwards, I took him to my room so we could have some "bonding" time. Right as things got pretty intense, I heard my dad yell, "Stop faking, honey." FML

I agree, your life sucks

14175

You deserved it

35998

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Noblesville

Today, I was giving my boyfriend head on the living room couch. Apparently his two cats didn't approve, and they started attacking my face. Luckily for him, since my boyfriend was holding my head down, his privates didn't get a scratch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31584

You deserved it

5545

Tweet

Share

By those_allergies - United States - Bend

Today, I was eating a mystery flavored candy and I had an allergic reaction. Not only did I have to go to the hospital because my throat swelled up, but I still don't know what I'm allergic to. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52195

You deserved it

4304

Tweet

Share

By whattalife - United States

Today, out of sheer boredom, I took a career personality test. The "best match" for me was the position of funeral director. Not only do I have a promising future with death, I got genuinely excited at how accurate the result was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24334

You deserved it

5033

Tweet

Share

By baller12 - United States

Today, I finally got the guts to walk out of class 30 min. early only to find that the back door was locked. As I stood there like an idiot trying to get it open, all 200 people in my class turned to laugh. My professor stared at me. I then walked back to my seat sat down and unpacked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10216

You deserved it

38250

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, someone misread some details of my dating profile on an app and thought I was subtly indicating that I'm a prostitute. In fact, I'm a shy 33-year-old virgin who's never been kissed and has obviously been failing at using dating apps and websites for years. I guess now I know one thing I did wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1797

You deserved it

226

Tweet

Share

By Shrieking_Shack_Maiden

Today, I got to experience the unadulterated horror of waking up to a spider crawling across my face. My screaming woke the neighbors. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2592

You deserved it

230

Tweet

Share

By KMROYALShottie - United States

Today, I was taking out the trash and I came upon a bill from a veterinary hospital. It was for $50 and it was a bill to put my dog down. My Dad said my dog was missing and I put hundreds of signs around the city. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68727

You deserved it

2894

Tweet

Share

By NoLife - United States

Today, I purposely went offline on Facebook chat, just so people would think I actually have a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15038

You deserved it

34636

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, my estranged father, with whom I haven't spoken in years, called me and demanded to know where his Father's Day gift was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46433

You deserved it

3363

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, my stepson objected to being woken up at almost dinner time. He knows I have PTSD from my 2 tours of duty, so he turned his speakers way up and blasted the sounds of gunfire through the whole house. I hyperventilated and passed out. Little bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6136

You deserved it

340

Tweet

Share

By UhOhhhh - United States

Today, I woke up, took a shower, made some pasta, drank 3 glasses of water and brushed my teeth. I then left my apartment to see signs posted all over warning us not to use the water without boiling it because the water company just found E-coli in the water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56771

You deserved it

4283

Tweet

Share

By wdavi022

Today, I found out my identity was stolen. The person got credit cards in my name and didn't pay the bills, which has ruined my near perfect credit. The worst part about all of this is that I can't turn the person in. It's my mom, and sending her to jail wouldn't really work out for anyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44344

You deserved it

5413

Tweet

Share

By Anon - United States

Today, my boyfriend did the Austin Powers dance/strip-tease while dancing to 'I Touch Myself'. It was cute until he ripped off his shirt and revealed that he'd shaved his chest hair in the shape of a penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51676

You deserved it

9475

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of footsteps outside my room. I investigated but found nothing. As I went back to my room, I heard a sort of giggling from inside. I was so scared, I grabbed my car keys, got the fuck out of there, and drove to my girlfriend's house in my pajamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24504

You deserved it

3065

Tweet

Share

By sarahmoon

Today, my date refused to pay for my dinner, even though he promised to beforehand. It turns out, he assumed I would just be ordering a salad for dinner, "based on your slim figure". FML

I agree, your life sucks

4459

You deserved it

510

Tweet

Share

By Piggirl

Today, one day after our 12-year wedding anniversary, which my husband failed to acknowledge, I found a receipt in his pocket for chlamydia testing. We haven't had sex in two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4123

You deserved it

961

Tweet

Share

By killmyself - United States

Today, I was masturbating lying on the lower bed of my brother's and my bunk beds. I finished jacking off and tried to get up to clean myself I hit my head on metal panel of the upper bed and passed out. Later woke up in my bed... found out my parents came home and saw me passed out naked holding a porn mag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17305

You deserved it

46954

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By LadyRen | 20

#7719559 - Tuesday 6 November 2018 14:55

Get her info and make her pay for the dress.

By TumblrweedPasses | 11

#7719646 - Tuesday 6 November 2018 19:21

At least you have a weird story to tell people in the future about the wedding
Dont let batshit crazy paint gun woman ruin your day

COMMENTS

By ChromoTec | 24

#7712127 - Monday 22 October 2018 2:44

Sounds like a Fiasco! Or was it a Fresco?

Reply

BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7712170 - Monday 22 October 2018 5:53

Whatever it was, the woman sounds pentiment-al.

By LadyRen | 20

#7719559 - Tuesday 6 November 2018 14:55

Get her info and make her pay for the dress.

Reply

BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7719589 - Tuesday 6 November 2018 16:12

How do you get the info of a random crazy person?

Reply

alycion | 38

#7719918 - Wednesday 7 November 2018 11:02

If security cameras were around, show the video around. Someone will most likely know who it is. Especially the intended target.

Reply

BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7720142 - Wednesday 7 November 2018 19:44

There's no guarantee the crazy lady was at the church on the right day, or even at the right church. And OP would have to hope their was CCTV around on the street, or nearby premises, because I've never known a church to install security cameras.

By RichardPencil | 29

#7719614 - Tuesday 6 November 2018 17:43

Count yourself lucky that her gun was loaded with paint and not bullets.

You literally dodged a bullet with that one!

By TumblrweedPasses | 11

#7719646 - Tuesday 6 November 2018 19:21

At least you have a weird story to tell people in the future about the wedding
Dont let batshit crazy paint gun woman ruin your day

By rodfergie | 18

#7719662 - Tuesday 6 November 2018 20:02

I don't know a single bride that would not have chased her ass down and beat her like a redheaded stepchild.

By Insanegd | 4

#7719672 - Tuesday 6 November 2018 20:14

I'm trying to figure out on how people think she deserved this. Not as if she had enough time to react to her before getting shot.

By bonsai | 11

#7719735 - Tuesday 6 November 2018 22:40

Sorry that happened to you I hope it didn’t ruin the day and that the rest of your day was lovely.

By Razell | 13

#7719786 - Wednesday 7 November 2018 0:34

Ladies: don't be the paint-gun woman.

It doesn't matter how angry you are at your baby-daddy for marrying someone else.

Reply

aje001 | 8

#7719793 - Wednesday 7 November 2018 0:44

bitches be crazy

By yeongji | 31

#7719849 - Wednesday 7 November 2018 7:46

Even if the bride tried, the chances of catching the woman would have been slim based on the bride's attire (heels, long dress, etc). I am more surprised that no one attending the wedding went after the mad woman.

By Ksweety_fml | 27

#7720052 - Wednesday 7 November 2018 15:40

oh my 😂