Today, a mad woman squirted me with a water gun filled with paint... - FML

By Anonymous - 6/11/2018 14:00

Today, a mad woman squirted me with a water gun filled with paint as we were leaving the church where I just married my husband. As I was staring at this mad bitch in my ruined dress, wondering why she would do something so horrible, she ran off crying and shouting, "Sorry wrong wedding!" FML

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That'll be Kevin in accounting

By TJ - 8/8/2012 11:23 - United States - Lacey

Today, while doing my job as a cart clerk, a gentleman went around the parking lot and picked some trash up, trying to help out. Faith in humanity: +1. About an hour later I saw a woman pick a bug off of her windshield and eat it. Faith in humanity: -200. FML

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By maybe dead in a day - 20/1/2013 19:28 - United States - Buffalo

Today, my boyfriend of three days met up with me at the movie theater, sporting a crude tattoo of my face on his cheek, along with a love heart and the word "forever." Looks like I'm single again. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/6/2016 07:45

Today, my boyfriend called me into the bathroom and proudly showed me how far back he could stand from the toilet while he peed. Unfortunately, he got distracted and peed all over the floor I had mopped just an hour before. FML

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By Queen_Dread - 4/5/2012 07:19 - United States - Ocean Park

Today, my fiancé and I appeared in the paper for obtaining our marriage license. In the same column half way down his parents appeared for filing their marriage dissolution petition. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/6/2020 23:02

Alexa, play "Noise Annoys" by Buzzcocks

Today, I found out my mother only uses two settings for volume on her laptop: maximum volume or completely quiet. She'll play it over whatever other people are doing, and then get mad when they tell her to turn it down. FML

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By don't cry over spilled milk - 23/11/2016 14:33 - United States - Elmendorf Afb

Today, after struggling with breastfeeding and trying to build up my milk supply, I was finally able to pump a full 6 oz! I celebrated by immediately spilling it all over my lap. FML

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By great - 28/2/2015 16:23 - United States - Porter

Today, the girl I've been seeing for just over a week casually let me know that she'll slash her wrists if I ever leave her. FML

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By bluehairedfreakgirl - 1/6/2009 03:12 - United States

Today, I was walking down the sidewalk and heard a little girl ask her dad why I had blue hair. He said, "Sometimes drugs will make people do stupid things." FML

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By BangBangBzzz - 15/12/2015 22:01

Today, I went for a much needed relaxing massage. As I lay down, the renovation works in the next building started up. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/6/2011 20:42 - United States

Today, I had to walk home in nothing but my snuggie and sneakers. FML

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By onlyolivia - 11/2/2016 19:55 - United States - Laurel

Today, we had some workers come to paint my office building. As a receptionist, it's my job to stock the fridge with soda. I walked into the supply closet just in time to find a worker peeing in a bucket. I stood there for about 10 seconds before I understood what was happening and ran out. FML

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By exchange - 17/12/2009 05:00 - Ireland

Today, I leave Ireland after a 5 month study abroad. Today also happens to be the day that the price of alcohol decreases by 30%, the dollar increases by 15% and the girl I have been chasing the whole time, to no avail, finally decides to show an interest in me. FML

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By DarkDisaster - 27/12/2012 10:16 - United States

Today, my cat had the greatest idea ever: hide inside our Christmas tree and attack anyone who walks past. It would have come as extremely funny to me if I hadn't been her first victim. FML

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By Why Is It Always Me - 21/2/2017 12:00 - Canada - Calgary

Today, during an interview, I was given a list of items and asked which items I would take to a deserted island. When I chose a Bible, the interviewer asked why. I replied, "So I can burn it." What I meant to say was, "So I can use it to start a fire if the trees on the island bear fruit." FML

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By poormanslucyliu1 - 7/11/2016 02:28

Today, I had to teach my 13-year-old sister that sugar and salt don't, "cancel each other out to make the taste neutral". FML

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By Author - 24/2/2014 22:22 - United States - Naples

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Devastated, I told my dad about it, hoping he'd help cheer me up. His advice was, "Just rub one out son, you'll feel better in no time." Thanks dad. FML

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By Makeitdance - 11/5/2014 14:46 - United States - Pleasanton

Today, a customer asked me how long our 6-inch sandwich was. FML

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By aurelj1 - 3/8/2016 19:59 - United States - Colleyville

Today, I went out to dinner with my mom and several of her friends. My mom spent the entire night gushing about my Ivy League school and med student boyfriend. I attend a state university and am single. She threatened to cut me off if I didn't play along. FML

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By abonde29 - 24/5/2018 20:30

Today, I got a text from my cousin saying he's gay. I was thrilled and told him I'm bisexual. He later texted me saying that his friend took his phone and said that. He also told all of our relatives. I accidentally came out to my family. FML

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By RachelDC - 3/7/2009 19:06 - United States

Today, I noticed a string was following behind our family cat. After close inspection I realized it was a plastic kite string he partially digested. I had to pull the other three feet of plastic kite tail from his rectum. He purred the entire time. FML

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By OhaiiKid - 7/3/2010 05:02 - United States

Today, I was home alone. It was very dark and so I went to turn on the lights, when I heard the sound of a gun loading. I dropped to the floor but never heard a gun fire. I got up and heard the sound again. When I got lights on, I discovered it was only my printer telling me it was out of paper. FML

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By pzy - 24/10/2016 15:46

Today, I'm in the middle seat on a flight to Dallas. The guy on the aisle is sleeping with his mouth open and I can smell his breath. I feel nauseous. FML

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By monkeycannon7 - 24/4/2012 16:36 - United States - Woodbridge

Today, I learned the hard way not to take off your shirt with a toothpick in your mouth. FML

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By mybad - 11/9/2014 03:57 - United States

Today, at work, a midget came in to buy beer. Not only was he almost as tall as me, he got offended when I had to card him and explain that the manager told me to card everyone, and that it wasn't because he was short. FML

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By Misskittygal14 - 16/11/2017 15:00

Today, I decided to go through my younger brother's browser history. I found out he goes regularly on PornHub. He's only 10. FML

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By ValeyFallsAlot - 14/1/2011 14:18

Today, I fell down a flight of stairs. The guy behind me was kind enough to ask if I was okay. He then called his friends over so they could laugh at me. FML

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By jobsearching - 21/11/2012 20:43 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I ran into my boss outside of work. She smiled, and started trying to have an in-depth chat with me. I wouldn't have minded, if it weren't for the fact I ran into her at a club, whilst they were having an S and M theme night. And we were both fully dressed up for it. FML

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By Well okay then - 9/10/2016 17:12 - United States - Palmdale

Today, after letting the painters working on my house know that they're more than welcome to use my restroom, I walked outside only to find three of them pissing in my garden. One even aimed for my tomatoes. FML

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By mama bear - 5/6/2020 20:00

Fight Club Penguin

Today, I punched an older woman in the face. I only hit her after she grabbed my 4-year-old daughter and told her to, "stop dancing like a whore!" My daughter was so terrified, she peed her pants. FML

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By Sir Anon - 29/2/2016 20:18 - United States - Champlin

Today, I had to leave work early as I almost passed out. My girlfriend's first question after I told her what happened was, "Did you hear Leonardo DiCaprio won an Oscar?" FML

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By neverleavingthehouseagain - 8/12/2015 23:08 - United Kingdom - Epsom

Today, my ex, for whom I still have feelings, introduced me to his new girlfriend. To make things "less awkward," he invited a mutual friend of ours. However, the last time I'd seen this friend, it was a week after my ex and I had broke up, and we hooked up. Awkward doesn't cover it. FML

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By lousy - 31/1/2009 22:23 - United States

Today, I live with my mother and realized she goes out with her friends and dates more times a week than I do in a single month. FML

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By karebear - 9/9/2010 05:33 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months said he wasn't going to break up with me, he was just going to stop touching me. FML

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By meet Chloe - 19/2/2012 09:15 - Australia

Today, I felt sorry for the weird chick at work that everybody avoids and decided to initiate a conversation with her. She interrupted me mid-sentence to tell me about her vaginal odor problems, before shoving her hand into my chip packet and inviting herself to dinner at my house. FML

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By imanidiot - 19/4/2009 05:03 - United States

Today, I ordered take out, and paid with a credit card. The cute cashier gave me the receipt to sign, and under 'tip' I gave a couple of dollars. I realized that I had given too much, crossed it out, and changed it. Unaware she was watching, She then responded, "Did you just lower the tip by $1?" FML

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By rattness - 7/12/2010 19:12 - United States

Today, I found out the animal that was gnawing behind the kitchen wall all night was indeed a wild rat and his entire family. FML

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By Nick - 27/11/2009 10:11 - United Kingdom

Today, I got out of the wrong side of the bed. Into a wall. FML

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By 23yearoldtoddler - 18/5/2012 14:13 - United States

Today, I was jumped and savagely beaten to the ground by a group of six-year-olds wearing Disney princess masks. FML

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By Congrats to me - 24/5/2014 23:57 - United States - Canton

Today, the only person in my entire family to show up sober and on time to my graduation was my grandma. FML

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By goddamn chicken subs - 24/3/2016 16:51 - United States

Today, my brother and I got food poisoning because of the shady chicken subs we ate last night. Our mom thinks we're faking it and sent us to school anyway. I'm coming to you live from a school toilet while missing a test. FML

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Top comments

By LadyRen | 20

#7719559 - Tuesday 6 November 2018 14:55

Get her info and make her pay for the dress.

By TumblrweedPasses | 11

#7719646 - Tuesday 6 November 2018 19:21

At least you have a weird story to tell people in the future about the wedding
Dont let batshit crazy paint gun woman ruin your day

COMMENTS

By ChromoTec | 24

#7712127 - Monday 22 October 2018 2:44

Sounds like a Fiasco! Or was it a Fresco?

Reply

BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7712170 - Monday 22 October 2018 5:53

Whatever it was, the woman sounds pentiment-al.

By LadyRen | 20

#7719559 - Tuesday 6 November 2018 14:55

Get her info and make her pay for the dress.

Reply

BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7719589 - Tuesday 6 November 2018 16:12

How do you get the info of a random crazy person?

Reply

alycion | 38

#7719918 - Wednesday 7 November 2018 11:02

If security cameras were around, show the video around. Someone will most likely know who it is. Especially the intended target.

Reply

BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7720142 - Wednesday 7 November 2018 19:44

There's no guarantee the crazy lady was at the church on the right day, or even at the right church. And OP would have to hope their was CCTV around on the street, or nearby premises, because I've never known a church to install security cameras.

By RichardPencil | 28

#7719614 - Tuesday 6 November 2018 17:43

Count yourself lucky that her gun was loaded with paint and not bullets.

You literally dodged a bullet with that one!

By TumblrweedPasses | 11

#7719646 - Tuesday 6 November 2018 19:21

At least you have a weird story to tell people in the future about the wedding
Dont let batshit crazy paint gun woman ruin your day

By rodfergie | 18

#7719662 - Tuesday 6 November 2018 20:02

I don't know a single bride that would not have chased her ass down and beat her like a redheaded stepchild.

By Insanegd | 4

#7719672 - Tuesday 6 November 2018 20:14

I'm trying to figure out on how people think she deserved this. Not as if she had enough time to react to her before getting shot.

By bonsai | 11

#7719735 - Tuesday 6 November 2018 22:40

Sorry that happened to you I hope it didn’t ruin the day and that the rest of your day was lovely.

By Razell | 13

#7719786 - Wednesday 7 November 2018 0:34

Ladies: don't be the paint-gun woman.

It doesn't matter how angry you are at your baby-daddy for marrying someone else.

Reply

aje001 | 8

#7719793 - Wednesday 7 November 2018 0:44

bitches be crazy

By yeongji | 31

#7719849 - Wednesday 7 November 2018 7:46

Even if the bride tried, the chances of catching the woman would have been slim based on the bride's attire (heels, long dress, etc). I am more surprised that no one attending the wedding went after the mad woman.

By Ksweety_fml | 27

#7720052 - Wednesday 7 November 2018 15:40

oh my 😂