Health: Today, a mad woman squirted me with a water gun filled with paint... - FML

By Anonymous

Today, a mad woman squirted me with a water gun filled with paint as we were leaving the church where I just married my husband. As I was staring at this mad bitch in my ruined dress, wondering why she would do something so horrible, she ran off crying and shouting, "Sorry wrong wedding!" FML

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Taking stock

Ungeeked

It's complicated

By Kerry - 22/2/2021 20:01 - Canada

Bathtime

Today, I was running water for a relaxing bath. There have been some problems with the town's water for a while now, so I was pleased when the water looked so clear. Right as I thought that, however, the water instantly changed from crystal clear to shit brown. FML

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By assante2010 - United States

Today, my friends and I went to the strip club for my birthday. I now know how my sister is paying for her new car. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Covina

Today, my manager challenged me to make two big sales at work. Seeing as customers spend a lot of money in our store, I decided the challenge was fairly easy and accepted. She immediately started stealing all of my sales. FML

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By bluewinter - United Kingdom

Today, I went to my best friend's birthday party. After about 15 minutes, I noticed a girl, possibly one of his sister's friends, wearing the same shirt as me. I am a 23 year old bloke. She didn't look a day over 14. FML

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By stillhungry - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend called me while I was at work. He sounded very excited and told me he had a surprise for me. He doesn't usually do this kind of thing, so I was excited. When I came home, I found him naked, with "Bone Appetite" written right above his penis. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my walk of shame may have been caught by the Google car. FML

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By great - United States - Porter

Today, the girl I've been seeing for just over a week casually let me know that she'll slash her wrists if I ever leave her. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bremerton

Today, my date ditched me and showed up with another guy at the same restaurant. She even tried to take the reservation. FML

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By Just Set Me On Fire

Nope.

Today, while at work, I felt what I thought was a ball of lint on the back of my neck. I reached back and grabbed it only to end up holding the biggest wolf spider I've ever seen. FML

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By psychortiz - United States

Today, I allowed my five-year old daughter to paint my fingernails during a living-room "picnic" we were having. A while later I got called back in to work for an emergency meeting. When I arrived at the meeting I noticed my fingernails were still neon-green. I am a 40-year old man. FML

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By Anonymous - India

Today, a few weeks after moving back to my home country, I found out my diploma isn't recognized here. The only training provider I can find that can upgrade it to something valid wants another 2 years of my life, 500 hours of work experience and $16,000. FML

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By hotandbothered - United States

Today, I was developing film at walmart. It started to get a little warm, so I began taking off my sweatshirt. This creepy old man approaches me, saying "You know, usually girls like you are paid to take their clothes off." FML

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By 3rdWheel1stBorn

Today, I saw that my biological father took his 2 favorite daughters on a luxury cruise to celebrate his birthday. I didn't find out until the pictures were posted. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/5/2020 17:00

Bird's eye view

Today, I found out that my shower area is in direct view from my neighbours' balcony. I realised this when I caught my neighbour and his wife watching me while I was getting dressed. I've been living here for 7 years. FML

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By damnit - United States

Today, my girlfriend asked me to get her new clothes. She's gone from a size 4 to a size 12 during our relationship. FML

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By bastardchild_01 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, after much reluctance due to fear of causing a huge debate, I finally posted something on Facebook about the presidential debates. However, the post sparked an argument with my mom's childhood best friend, that ended with her telling me that my dad isn't actually my dad. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Hood River

Today, one of my friends asked me to flirt with her boyfriend to see if he would flirt back. Knowing this was a trust test, I agreed. She got pissed at me when he flirted back and still isn't speaking to me. FML

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By smh - United States

Today, my mom and dad played rock, paper, scissors over who gets to spend the night with me in the hospital tonight while I have surgery. FML

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By a.white - United States - Cheltenham

Today, a classmate's mother called my phone, threatening to have my dorm room raided for drugs. Why? She saw our text messages discussing where he would pick up the textbook I borrowed and thought it was the new "code name" for weed. FML

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By viviham - United States - Spring Branch

Today, I was working at the local liquor store. An obviously drunk girl stumbles in, grabs two cases of beer and puts them on the counter. Then she grabs a pregnancy test, pees on it right there, shows me, and says, "I'm not pregnant, I want beer." FML

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By Hanna - United States

Today, while driving with my step mother, she attempted to have phone sex with my dad. FML

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By notyourbaby - 7/3/2021 19:58

Weirdo cousin

Today, I found out my cousin stole my used pregnancy test and ultrasound pictures the last time she came to visit, and tried to fake a pregnancy. This was two years ago when she stayed at my house. I just found out I'm pregnant again, and guess who just asked to come to stay and "visit"? FML

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By Leashaness - United States

Today, my doctor informed me that the pea-sized bump under my arm is a "third breast". That is not what I meant every time I said I wanted more tits. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/8/2020 05:02

Priorities

Today, my fiancé and I finally had the house to ourselves for the night for the first time in MONTHS, and we don't know when we will get a chance like this again. So, he texts his buddy to play zombies. FML

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By treats - Singapore

Today, I caught my dad eating the dog treats I'd bought for my dog. The only thing he could say was "These are really good, no wonder the dog is so obedient. Wanna try one?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to mow a penis into our lawn. I guess he forgot my parents are coming over. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/8/2020 20:00

Motherly love

Today, my son handed me a handful of snot he just sneezed out, then went back to playing with his Lego. I had IVF and gave up a career as a lawyer to have this little snot demon. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend decided to let me know that she almost left me for another guy not so long ago, because he was more handsome and talented than me. The reason she didn't leave: "He's out of my league; you're not." FML

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By hellogoodbye - Canada

Today, at work my arms were full. I needed to get the door open, so instead of pushing the swing door open with my shoulder, I kicked it open with my foot. Right into my manager's face. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was pulled over and administered a sobriety test due to an officer's suspicion that I was driving under the influence. I was completely sober, and, apparently, I suck at driving. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was on a crowded bus on the way back from my boyfriend's when I suddenly had a terrible nose bleed. I had no tissues, so instead I had to use last night's underwear from my bag. FML

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By extrashiftwhoo - Australia - Preston

Today, I really didn't want to go to work. Still, I showed up for work early on the busiest night of the week and stayed back until past 10 p.m. Exhausted, I went to sign off the roster when I realised that, in fact, I was not rostered on for today at all. I'm on tomorrow, though. FML

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By Carrie - 4/12/2020 20:02 - United States - Birmingham

Obsession by Calvin Klein

Today, I was at a party with my crush, but I didn’t talk to him. After, I walked out to my car, and saw a dent in my car. I then noticed that the dent was exactly the size of my crush’s head. FML

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By Q - United States

Today, I had to kick my own father out of my house after he started attacking my wife for breastfeeding our newborn son in the living room. All the way to the door, he ranted that "You don't see me whipping my dick out and pissing in front of everyone, do you?" FML

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By PiMan - United States

Thanks, I hate it

Today, after spending four days having my resume, cover letter, and references proofread and perfected by professionals, I finally submitted it all to the summer internship of my dreams. I received a rejection letter ten minutes later. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my wife went into the bathroom at Walmart. Being almost sure there was no one else in there, I stood around the corner to scare her. As the door opened, I jumped around the corner and scared an innocent woman to so badly she peed herself. FML

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By Dumbweed - United States

Today, my mom told me she was getting tired of that smell of marijuana in the house. So I confess and tell her I will never bring it home again. She was talking about my neighbors. FML

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By Boo - Australia

Today, I finally had a phone call after a week of nothing. It was my mother. It was an accident. FML

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By 5220 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were driving back to college. He broke up with me 2 hours into the 3 hour drive. I had to sit in the car with him for the last hour. FML

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By Kate - United States

Today, my mom said we are having a party for the 4th of July. Her definition of a party is my grandma coming over. FML

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Top comments

By LadyRen | 20

#7719559 - Tuesday 6 November 2018 14:55

Get her info and make her pay for the dress.

By TumblrweedPasses | 11

#7719646 - Tuesday 6 November 2018 19:21

At least you have a weird story to tell people in the future about the wedding
Dont let batshit crazy paint gun woman ruin your day

COMMENTS

By ChromoTec | 24

#7712127 - Monday 22 October 2018 2:44

Sounds like a Fiasco! Or was it a Fresco?

Reply

BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7712170 - Monday 22 October 2018 5:53

Whatever it was, the woman sounds pentiment-al.

By LadyRen | 20

#7719559 - Tuesday 6 November 2018 14:55

Get her info and make her pay for the dress.

Reply

BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7719589 - Tuesday 6 November 2018 16:12

How do you get the info of a random crazy person?

Reply

alycion | 38

#7719918 - Wednesday 7 November 2018 11:02

If security cameras were around, show the video around. Someone will most likely know who it is. Especially the intended target.

Reply

BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7720142 - Wednesday 7 November 2018 19:44

There's no guarantee the crazy lady was at the church on the right day, or even at the right church. And OP would have to hope their was CCTV around on the street, or nearby premises, because I've never known a church to install security cameras.

By RichardPencil | 30

#7719614 - Tuesday 6 November 2018 17:43

Count yourself lucky that her gun was loaded with paint and not bullets.

You literally dodged a bullet with that one!

By TumblrweedPasses | 11

#7719646 - Tuesday 6 November 2018 19:21

At least you have a weird story to tell people in the future about the wedding
Dont let batshit crazy paint gun woman ruin your day

By rodfergie | 18

#7719662 - Tuesday 6 November 2018 20:02

I don't know a single bride that would not have chased her ass down and beat her like a redheaded stepchild.

By Insanegd | 4

#7719672 - Tuesday 6 November 2018 20:14

I'm trying to figure out on how people think she deserved this. Not as if she had enough time to react to her before getting shot.

By bonsai | 11

#7719735 - Tuesday 6 November 2018 22:40

Sorry that happened to you I hope it didn’t ruin the day and that the rest of your day was lovely.

By Razell | 13

#7719786 - Wednesday 7 November 2018 0:34

Ladies: don't be the paint-gun woman.

It doesn't matter how angry you are at your baby-daddy for marrying someone else.

Reply

aje001 | 8

#7719793 - Wednesday 7 November 2018 0:44

bitches be crazy

By yeongji | 31

#7719849 - Wednesday 7 November 2018 7:46

Even if the bride tried, the chances of catching the woman would have been slim based on the bride's attire (heels, long dress, etc). I am more surprised that no one attending the wedding went after the mad woman.

By Ksweety_fml | 27

#7720052 - Wednesday 7 November 2018 15:40

oh my 😂