By hadakanbo - 17/4/2020 05:00

They targeted gamers. GAMERS.

Today, after spending weeks collecting almost every star, flag, and stamp of Super Mario 3D World on the Wii U, I was working on the very last of the super bonus levels to get the final 12 of 380 available stars when my five-year-old decided to help. By accidentally deleting the file. FML

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Alexa, play "The Lovecats" by The Cure

Mr Sensitivity

My body, my choice

By mariokarter - 28/8/2009 04:41 - United Kingdom

Today, on the train on the way to my mother's house, I was playing Mariokart with my son. He got a 'bomb' item, and yelled quite loudly, "I have a bomb!". Panic ensued. We got thrown off the train at the next stop. FML

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By Lennie Mcfish - 6/7/2020 14:02

Bosom buddies

Today, while caring for my drunk girlfriend, she confessed that she cheated on me 3 different times with my sister. Now I know why they are always spending time together. FML

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By awesomekidsmum - 18/9/2011 01:20 - Canada

Today, my five year old ran down the street wearing nothing but flip flops, Star Wars underwear, and a baseball helmet. He was swinging a badminton racket while screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" My neighbors watched laughing as I had to run after him down the street in my pajamas. FML

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By JerryClark - 2/2/2020 14:00 - United States - San Bernardino

So beautiful!

Today, my best female friend sent me a nude to make sure it looked good before she sent it to the guy she likes. FML

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By Jioune - 5/7/2016 21:56 - France - Caluire

Today, I learned that my friends nicknamed me Snow White, not because I’ve got dark hair and very pale skin, but because I “only hook up with tiny dudes”. FML

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By dumb - 2/6/2009 15:33 - United States

Today, my new subletter moved in. Within 6 hours one of my cats took a dump on her pants. I freaked out, lit some candles to hide the smell and threw her pants in the washer. When the cycle was done I found her cell phone at the bottom of the washing machine. FML

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By extrashiftwhoo - 4/11/2016 13:59 - Australia - Preston

Today, I really didn't want to go to work. Still, I showed up for work early on the busiest night of the week and stayed back until past 10 p.m. Exhausted, I went to sign off the roster when I realised that, in fact, I was not rostered on for today at all. I'm on tomorrow, though. FML

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By SayCheese - 2/4/2013 22:52 - Canada - Prince George

Today, my older brother walked in on me while I was wearing nothing but a bra, panties, pantyhose, and high heels. I'm his little brother. FML

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By Nickki - 14/10/2012 14:57 - United States

Today, I walked into the kitchen at 5 am, to have my 7 and 9 year olds throw a bucket of water on me. To their surprise and horror, I didn't melt. FML

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By heyyoitsapotato - 31/5/2013 02:35 - United States

Today, while working as a lifeguard, a kid took a dump in the pool. When I told everyone to clear the pool so we could clean it, another kid promptly stared at me, stood at the shallow end right where I was standing, pulled down his trunks, and peed on my feet. FML

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By flopsy - 3/12/2010 16:19 - Australia

Today, I was about to lose my virginity. I couldn't get it up. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/4/2016 17:27 - Austria - Vienna

Today, a drunk woman kicked me in the balls for not buying her another drink. That's the closest thing to intimacy I've ever experienced. FML

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By dadum - 27/1/2011 07:17 - Australia

Today, I had a stranger scream at me that I was a whore and I was trying to steal her boyfriend. She then said my full name, stating my previous hair colour, my recent activities and that her boyfriend had been my year nine dance partner. I officially have a stalker. FML

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By Kathryn - 8/8/2011 23:58 - United States

Today, I went to my favorite all you can eat buffet. The cook tapped my shoulder and told me to stop eating. FML

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By stupiddog - 15/4/2014 12:08 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my house was robbed. My two 70-pound German Shepherds obeyed me when I told them to attack. They also obeyed the robber when he said, "Sit". FML

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By It was the 11 year old - 21/7/2012 08:00 - United States - Austin

Today, I overheard my 11-year-old son giving my 8-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML

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By hannah - 15/9/2012 22:16 - New Zealand - Timaru

Today, I woke up feeling ecstatic, because last night, my crush had told my best friend he likes me a lot. I sent him a text message telling him the feeling is mutual. A little while after sending it, it hit me that his confession had only been part of a dream. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/4/2015 13:16 - United States - Cherry Hill

Today, my boyfriend told me he traded nude pictures I sent him for a costume piece in an internet game. He told me I should be okay with this, because, "It's a rare piece." FML

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By jeanstein - 23/3/2011 14:58

Today, I got a call from this drunk man, asking for Celeste. Since I don't know any Celestes, I told him that he had the wrong number. He kept calling for her. Apparently he can't take a hint that she didn't give him her real number, and I get to deal with him. FML

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By anyonmus - 12/4/2013 00:59 - United States - Westminster

Today, I went for a run, and my own dog attacked me. FML

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By MexyBoy - 11/6/2019 16:08

Today, I wanted to do something nice for my mom. So, while she was sleeping, I cleaned the whole house for her and even made her breakfast. A few minutes later, she came downstairs and yelled at me to keep it down because she was trying to sleep. FML

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By yum yogurt - 30/10/2011 20:15 - United States

Today, I punched myself in the face while trying to eat a GoGurt. FML

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By lynnie - 23/10/2011 06:23 - United States

Today, I had to come up with a reward system for getting my boyfriend to brush his teeth daily. He's 24. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/4/2016 09:46 - United States - Oakland

Today, I found out the real reason my dad bought a new car and generously gave me his old one. He knew the engine was about to fail and didn't want it to be his problem when it finally did. It blew out while I was driving at high speed on the motorway. Just my luck. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/4/2015 14:32 - United Kingdom - Kettering

Today, my roommate wants to kick me out because I can't afford to pay my share of the rent this month. I couldn't afford to, because I had to pay for repairs to my car after my roommate got drunk, stole my keys, and crashed it into a street light. FML

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By fucking fuck it fucking hurts - 21/12/2012 22:41 - United States

Today, after nearly a week of awful pain in my right lung, I finally went to see a doctor about it. When I mentioned my history of lung problems and suggested it could be pneumonia, he told me to "leave the diagnosing to the professionals" and ended up claiming I have acid reflux. FML

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By gimmeabreak0_o - 18/6/2010 07:18 - United States

Today, I was with my girlfriend and thought it would be cool to rip off my shirt while we were making out. It wasn't. Her bed was under a bookshelf and my shirt didn't even come off. I busted my head while she busted up laughing. FML

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By me - 10/11/2012 19:49 - United States - Bend

Today, my dad agreed to let me borrow the car to go rock climbing with my friends. He'd just filled it up with gas, which is how I realized halfway back home that one of my "friends" had siphoned well over half the gas straight out of the tank. FML

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By writerflaw - 10/3/2015 17:36 - United States - Juneau

Today, I lost a grade on an essay, because according to my teacher, I put much more detail into my analytical essay than I should have. FML

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By explosivepeach - 30/5/2015 01:34 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, on my second day as a lifeguard, I locked myself out of the pool. My angry guests and I had to wait for 45 minutes for my manager to arrive and unlock the gate. FML

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By HouseMdFangirl - 10/8/2009 06:12 - United States

Today, I went to the movies with my best friend. While waiting for it to start, I went on to describe this guy I really liked and how badly I wanted to do him. Just then the girl sitting behind us leans down and says "That's my little brother. So you're the creeper he talks about." FML

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By Tabeling101 - 12/12/2016 01:51

Today, I was in Walmart on a motorized cart and got stuck on a clothing rack next to a super hot guy. Panicking, I said "I just had surgery, I'm a new driver." After failing to get myself unstuck he had to pull the clothes rack and I apart. FML

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By jayswizzle89 - 29/7/2014 07:58 - Canada - Etobicoke

Today, I was having coffee with an old friend I hadn't seen since university. I asked about her husband; she replied, "he died" and walked away. I was confused, so I stood up and took off after her. She reminded me I was at the funeral, and then slapped me in the face. FML

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By anyomous - 26/6/2010 03:19 - United States

Today, I bought tickets for my friends and me to go to a concert. While I was in the shower, they ditched me and took my girlfriend. FML

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By aragmir - 18/12/2016 06:10 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, while working at a nursing home, I was alone in the station and figured I could sneak one out. It wound up being very loud, and I could hear the faint snickering of a patient in the next room. Every time he saw me for the rest of the day he would burst out laughing. FML

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By blahpizzablah - 22/6/2009 00:37 - United States

Today, I was delivering pizzas for my summer job. I got a big order to deliver for a fellow graduate's party. While I was being paid for the order my friend shows up and says "Don't pay him, his parents are rich, he can handle it." Then they shut the door and took off. The bill was $75. FML

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By HoratioNo - 14/8/2013 06:41 - United States - Stockton

Today, I found out that my dad writes really weird and scary slash fiction involving characters from all of the CSI TV show franchises. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/11/2011 02:09 - United States

Today, after I went to collect my pay for babysitting, the girl's dad pulled the old "Can I pay you in Trident Layers?" bull on me. Hoping to show that I wasn't going to play ball, I told him that watching his gran inhale a cock would be funnier. If scowls could kill... FML

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By scorned_jacketless_lady - 26/8/2013 04:52 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, after spending the weekend together, my ex turned nasty. I finally had the balls to tell him what a cruel asshole I think he is and really hit him where it hurts. I felt very empowered and strong. That is, until I realized I left my favourite and rather expensive jacket in his apartment. FML

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By Shiet - 10/2/2016 04:08 - Singapore

Today, I found out that people are notified when you list them on Twitter. I've been listing people as "Interesting" and "Stupid". FML

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Top comments

By omgjenwtf | 9

#7898463 - Friday 17 April 2020 14:55

Maybe that’s your five year olds way of saying put down the controller and spend time with me!

By Boyufd | 22

#7898371 - Friday 17 April 2020 5:12

put it the Wii and the controllers somewhere he can't get it

COMMENTS

By Boyufd | 22

#7898371 - Friday 17 April 2020 5:12

put it the Wii and the controllers somewhere he can't get it

By RichardPencil | 28

#7898375 - Friday 17 April 2020 6:27

Aw, that's so cute!!

You think it was "accidental?" Bless your heart!

By omgjenwtf | 9

#7898463 - Friday 17 April 2020 14:55

Maybe that’s your five year olds way of saying put down the controller and spend time with me!

By thomasthedankengine | 10

#7898519 - Friday 17 April 2020 18:14

shouldn't have busted that nut

By Matthew Irmen | 11

#7898589 - Saturday 18 April 2020 2:18

The FML should be that you got that far into a game and a five year old FML’d your day.

By sickerthanyou | 13

#7898776 - Saturday 18 April 2020 19:41

Maybe you need to pay more attention to your child than a video game, or better yet, teach him how to play!

By Ariane Bolt | 6

#7901671 - Tuesday 28 April 2020 20:51

Look on the bright side- the fun is in getting those achievements, not in having them. I wipe and re-start a lot of my computer games quite frequently.