By Flyaway - 21/3/2021 11:56 - Australia - Rhodes The reflex, flex flex flex flex Today, a fly landed on my dentist's arm. The same arm and hand holding the needle inserted into my gum. He instinctively tried to shake it off. FML I agree, your life sucks 967 You deserved it 43 0 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By smells like ass - 2/8/2020 23:03 Gross, dude Today, my boyfriend has only showered about three times since we’ve been on lockdown. Our whole place smells like a sewer main burst in a pro-sports locker room filled with sweaty nut sacks and dead feet. His excuse? "It’s not like we have anywhere to go babe." I can’t even eat around him. FML I agree, your life sucks 1782 You deserved it 353 12 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 27/2/2021 20:01 Workers of the world unite Today, my initial unemployment benefits ran out. Yesterday, the extended benefits ran out for my entire state too, so I'll see $0 assistance. But it could be worse, they're also taking back 7 million $ from extended benefits receivers, so at least I'm not having money taken away. FML I agree, your life sucks 694 You deserved it 105 1 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By finalfantasy - United States - Aurora Today, my brother thought it would be absolutely hilarious to replace my cold sore cream with superglue. FML I agree, your life sucks 3740 You deserved it 245 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By superscrewed - United States Today, I discovered that my supervisor has been submitting completed projects to our manager on time for everyone on the team but me. She has been deliberately making it appear as though I am weeks behind on my projects, when in reality I am one of the first ones done every month. FML I agree, your life sucks 36690 You deserved it 2195 52 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By NotAThief Swiper No Swiping! Today, I got a talking-to at work from my new manager for eating other peoples' lunches. Immediately afterwards, I watched my manager leave the room, take MY lunch, and begin eating it. Apparently my new manager is the thief, and I'm now the office pariah who gets the blame. Nobody believes me. FML I agree, your life sucks 4893 You deserved it 288 31 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By OiVey - United States - Padre Island Ntl Seashor Today, I found out that I've been taking the wrong math class all semester. We're only a few weeks from finals and I have no drops left. FML I agree, your life sucks 3235 You deserved it 1525 18 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 26/5/2020 23:00 Incognito browsing Today, my dad is super overprotective and can view my search history through his phone. I'd downloaded the Google app to be able search for things he wouldn't approve of. I just realized I've been making all these searches on my school account. I go to a private school and they can view my search history. FML I agree, your life sucks 892 You deserved it 2107 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By no tp - United States Today, I forgot to grab toilet paper on the way home from work. Since I don't have a car and all of my friends have plans for Valentine's Day I'm now down to wiping with cotton balls. FML I agree, your life sucks 22726 You deserved it 8278 119 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Me. - United States Today, while taking pictures by the pool, my friend wanted to use my camera. I told her to put the wrist strap on so it wouldn't fall into the pool. She dropped the camera while trying to put the strap on. FML I agree, your life sucks 33762 You deserved it 5518 142 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By balls - United States - Santa Clara Today, the only reason I took a shower was because I could smell my dick sweat while still wearing underwear. FML I agree, your life sucks 10484 You deserved it 29869 121 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Kryometric - United States - Coupeville Today, with the experience of sitting behind someone on a roller coaster, I found out pee is affected by gravity. FML I agree, your life sucks 28880 You deserved it 2560 56 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Avnirvana - 7/10/2020 23:01 - United States Fair analysis Today, I seriously considered writing in SCP-106 for president. I hate both candidates so much, I would willingly take President Radical Larry. FML I agree, your life sucks 369 You deserved it 707 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By This sucks Today, in the toilet at work, I found that the scissors on my multitool are quite good at getting rid of a shit-stained shirttail. FML I agree, your life sucks 2556 You deserved it 593 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By accidentalsmartass - Japan - Tokyo He deserved it. Snapping ain't cool unless you're a turtle. Today, I learned that I may have caused a public speaker and author to be fired, because my response to his "open chat" question flustered him, causing him to lose his cool and snap at me. FML I agree, your life sucks 5204 You deserved it 697 15 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By WhataStrangeTripThisIs - 23/12/2020 22:58 Slow Today, my fiancé told me he loved me just the way I am. But admitted he wished he had met me before my head injury that made me "slow." FML I agree, your life sucks 935 You deserved it 78 6 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I was walking on a main street downtown. Suddenly, I felt someone slap my butt. I turned around, expecting to be my girlfriend who was to meet me there and almost gave an old homeless man a kiss on the cheek. FML I agree, your life sucks 28767 You deserved it 4460 61 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, while working as a massage therapist, a client had me work on a very specific knot in his shoulder. He also happened to have a very detailed, very realistic tattoo of the crucifixion on his shoulder. I just spent 45 minutes violating Jesus. FML I agree, your life sucks 25268 You deserved it 4135 100 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Fmyapp - United States Today, after having paid to download an iPhone FML app, I found out that the real 'Fmylife Official' app was a lot more complete. And free. FML I agree, your life sucks 12469 You deserved it 45967 52 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By 1fungi Today, it's my 26th birthday. My girlfriend gave me a matchbox car, a glow necklace, and a squirt gun. For her birthday, I bought her a new dress, rented a limo, and took her around to bar hop with her friends. FML I agree, your life sucks 34939 You deserved it 5404 164 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bad day Brutus - United States Today, I confessed to cheating to my girlfriend. She decided to go up to the girl and ask her about it. The girl denied it and said she didn't even know me. My girlfriend walked up to me, called me a liar and punched me in the face. FML I agree, your life sucks 26926 You deserved it 63833 143 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sadface - Canada Today, I finally got over the knee injury that has been holding back my military application for 6 months. They sent me to the optometrist, who said my eyes were too bad for service. FML I agree, your life sucks 32723 You deserved it 3090 85 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, I went to my first day of work in over 2 years. As I approached the boss, he asked me what my name was. Turned out they hired the wrong person. FML I agree, your life sucks 31532 You deserved it 2358 21 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By slickrick22 - United States Today, I had a dream about the damn cappuccino machine at work. FML I agree, your life sucks 23511 You deserved it 3911 113 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Mattawa Today, a guy at work told me I look like a famous celebrity. I was flattered, until he remembered the celebrity's name: Steve Buscemi. That wouldn't be a compliment, even if I weren't a 24-year-old woman. FML I agree, your life sucks 28924 You deserved it 2504 65 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - College Station Today, my boss gave me a verbal warning. My crime? Calling people "hon", "darlin'", and the like. I work at a Texas diner. FML I agree, your life sucks 47916 You deserved it 5903 191 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bodhimae - France Today, I was taking a nap on the couch when my 2 year old daughter decided that daddy needed an ear cleaning. With all the grace of toddler-hood, she stabbed me in the eardrum with a Q-tip. Now I can't hear her coming. FML I agree, your life sucks 22986 You deserved it 2346 34 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By shitty day - United States Today, I have the stomach flu. If my belly growls, I have 30 seconds or less to get to the bathroom. I can't go to the doctor for fear of shitting my pants on the trip there. FML I agree, your life sucks 33079 You deserved it 2417 138 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Were do we go... - United States Today, I played a game with my boyfriend. The point of the game is to write down everything you like about someone. I put down at least ten things for him. He had one thing down for me: my boobs. FML I agree, your life sucks 28998 You deserved it 6000 172 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ElevatorThug - Singapore You ANIMAL Today, as I got into an elevator, I spotted a little old lady hobbling desperately to get on. I frantically tapped on the 'door open' button but the doors closed. I got dirty looks from the people in the lift, only then did I realise I had frantically tapped the 'door close' button instead. FML I agree, your life sucks 26129 You deserved it 34149 118 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By ZombieMommy - United States - Conroe Plooped Today, I was pouring milk into my coffee and, as it plooped into my mug, I noticed the expiration date on the jug passed 2 weeks ago. Nobody here drinks milk very often and I ran out of creamer so I've been unknowingly drinking my coffee with curdled milk for the past 3 days. FML I agree, your life sucks 3266 You deserved it 2261 17 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Phillipsburg Today, I begged a coworker to let me borrow her lighter for my smoke break, since I'd lost mine. She was reluctant because of my track record of losing the darn things. After my break I stopped to use the restroom really quick, and promptly dropped the lighter into the toilet. FML I agree, your life sucks 19029 You deserved it 36026 92 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By neoteck - France Today, I was talking to a charming young lady on MSN by webcam. She suddenly asked me to take my glasses off for a minute; I did so, and she said, "Oh never mind, you're still just as ugly..." FML I agree, your life sucks 26027 You deserved it 2538 28 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By trisha - United States - Wellesley Hills Today, my husband and I agreed that he would name our first born and I would name our second. He's dead-set on naming our child "Raindropp" no matter whether it's a boy or girl. FML I agree, your life sucks 29524 You deserved it 7471 178 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By NotInTheRightPlace - United States - Falls Church Today, I had to appear in court. My boyfriend gave me a chocolate to eat for comfort. The quote on the wrapper read "Today, you are exactly where you should be." FML I agree, your life sucks 40992 You deserved it 6515 63 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - New Zealand Today, my dad came up behind me with a pair of scissors, and pretended to snip away at my hair. I was sure he was joking, so I just sat there and didn't react. Later, I felt the back of my head and looked at my hand. Suffice it to say, I now have a large bald patch on the back of my head. FML I agree, your life sucks 36104 You deserved it 6692 130 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By notatherapist - Netherlands - Huizen Today, my boyfriend and I were roleplaying therapist and patient in bed. When I playfully asked him what bothered him, he told me his mother hates him and burst into tears. FML I agree, your life sucks 47355 You deserved it 6281 95 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Lola987 Today, on my birthday, I tried to be a good girlfriend by making sure my boyfriend of 3 years alarms were set for work on his phone. Noticed he’s back to talking to his ex as the messenger bubble had her face in it.. He was asking for boob pictures...FML I agree, your life sucks 2604 You deserved it 278 19 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fish killer - United States Today, my sister presented me with an "official pet killer" award after yet another goldfish under my care died of unknown causes. FML I agree, your life sucks 27684 You deserved it 10045 204 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 21/1/2021 07:56 Oh, the irony Today, my dad came home after collecting donations for construction of the temple of Lord Rama, who is known for qualities like patience. Within 5 minutes, he started yelling at my sister. FML I agree, your life sucks 708 You deserved it 70 4 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Tom Riddle - Philippines Today, I was about to go out and get some groceries, but the moment I slammed the door I realized my keys were still inside. My inner caveman instincts told me to immediately break down the door, so now I have to get a doorknob replacement instead of food. FML I agree, your life sucks 5300 You deserved it 2244 11 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
Today, my husband decided it's completely fine to walk around the house with his penis out in front of his mom. FML I agree, your life sucks 615 You deserved it 68 8 Comments
Today, I found out that a burglar broke into my house. Since I didn't have expensive stuff for them to steal, they took my Fleshlight. FML I agree, your life sucks 591 You deserved it 113 3 Comments
