Today, I woke up with a vicious hangover. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't woken up to dozens of cans strewn all over the floor. I don't remember buying half the store's supply of pork and beans. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was having my morning coffee while getting ready for work. I grabbed clothes off the floor to throw in the hamper. I accidentally threw my full coffee instead. FML
Today, I thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of work early and pay a little visit to the pub. I ended up staggering home, drunkenly making myself a nacho cheese dorito milkshake with the blender, then promptly puked my guts out all over the kitchen table. FML
Today, my husband and I woke up to see my drunk mother passed out on our couch. She was wearing nothing but socks. FML
Today, I slammed the car door on my head while I was getting in the car. If that wasn't bad enough, my boyfriend is convinced I now have a concussion and insists on waking me up every hour to make sure I'm still alive. FML
Today, I accidentally threw a glass of iced tea in my own face, because the restaurant I'd been going to for over a decade switched from heavy glass mugs to identical light-as-a-feather plastic mugs. FML
Today, I went to get a box of cereal and I knocked over a bottle of olive oil. It took me about half an hour to clean up. When I finally finished, I found out the box of cereal was empty. FML
Today, I chipped my tooth on a beer bottle. While I was drinking alone in my basement. FML
Today, I horribly lost a game of basketball against my dad. It wouldn't have been so humiliating if he hadn't been piss drunk at the time. FML
Today, my drinking problem became apparent when my daughter asked for a glass of juice, and I instinctively poured a large glass of scotch instead. FML
Today, I came to the conclusion that I was right about thinking how much it would hurt to hit your head on a door-frame, stub your toe on a stone table leg, and then trip over your cat, who won't take it well and will probably claw your recently stubbed toe. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thank you, your FML was submitted, and will appear the moderation soon!
Top comments
garrett_8614 14
Well if you ate all those beans, I don't think a hangover is the only problem you'll be experiencing today...
ileenefudge 29
Sounds like you should take a break from drinking for a while if you get so drunk that you can't remember what you did or where you went the night before.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (52)
_kyleG_ 34
Grocery shopping sucks in general, might as well do it wasted.
coming back in the future 30
That's uncanny. You're cannibalistic. I bet you speak Cantonese. You like canals. You use Jerry Cans.
chidexy 21
#15 That was actually impressive.
coming back in the future 30
#23 really? It was an inside joke.
coming back in the future 30
-Ignore this comment-
JuzReading 23
Well at least you don't have to worry about going shopping for a while.
chidexy 21
Beans.... I hate them
patrickeli 15
Serves you right for drinking too much
ThePaperDragon 31
Well, maybe you can ration the cans and make them last long enough to merit the large purchase? Then, each time you eat a can, it will be a reminder to keep your drinking in check and avoid such strange purchases in the future!
seninaa 27
drunk logic, "I might get hungry"
friendly_pixeh 7
Meh,I woke up to worse.
Sparta2424 10
Atleast you have pork and beans
vikky538 28
alcohol + pork + beans = hangover + diarrhea.. it's a new equation...