Today, I woke up with a vicious hangover. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't woken up to dozens of cans strewn all over the floor. I don't remember buying half the store's supply of pork and beans. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was having my morning coffee while getting ready for work. I grabbed clothes off the floor to throw in the hamper. I accidentally threw my full coffee instead. FML
Today, I thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of work early and pay a little visit to the pub. I ended up staggering home, drunkenly making myself a nacho cheese dorito milkshake with the blender, then promptly puked my guts out all over the kitchen table. FML
Today, my husband and I woke up to see my drunk mother passed out on our couch. She was wearing nothing but socks. FML
Today, I slammed the car door on my head while I was getting in the car. If that wasn't bad enough, my boyfriend is convinced I now have a concussion and insists on waking me up every hour to make sure I'm still alive. FML
Today, I accidentally threw a glass of iced tea in my own face, because the restaurant I'd been going to for over a decade switched from heavy glass mugs to identical light-as-a-feather plastic mugs. FML
Today, I went to get a box of cereal and I knocked over a bottle of olive oil. It took me about half an hour to clean up. When I finally finished, I found out the box of cereal was empty. FML
Today, I chipped my tooth on a beer bottle. While I was drinking alone in my basement. FML
Today, I horribly lost a game of basketball against my dad. It wouldn't have been so humiliating if he hadn't been piss drunk at the time. FML
Today, my drinking problem became apparent when my daughter asked for a glass of juice, and I instinctively poured a large glass of scotch instead. FML
Today, I came to the conclusion that I was right about thinking how much it would hurt to hit your head on a door-frame, stub your toe on a stone table leg, and then trip over your cat, who won't take it well and will probably claw your recently stubbed toe. FML
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Top comments
garrett_8614 14
Well if you ate all those beans, I don't think a hangover is the only problem you'll be experiencing today...
ileenefudge 29
Sounds like you should take a break from drinking for a while if you get so drunk that you can't remember what you did or where you went the night before.
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Comments (52)
Kryptonites1 16
Maybe you had the munchies?
thefallen12 13
Beans? Lol awesome farts for days.
worldclassrager 39
The bright side is you could have bought something worse...right?
TommyG493 11
I mean, nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of pork and beans
linnie_wesker 20
10/10 A+ for a TPB reference.
squarecircles 13
Bean there, done that
spring212 7
How is this anything but YDI? No one forced you to drink to the point of blacking out. And if you went to the store when you were that drunk, did you drive yourself? If you did, how many other people did you put at risk for your stupid pork and beans?
PaulieXP 16
Should have gone with spam...
seadrick 2
That's kind of how alcohol works...
Microtron 11
I don't even like pork and beans. Ultimately I donated them to a local church's food pantry.