Today, I woke up with a vicious hangover. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't woken up to dozens of cans strewn all over the floor. I don't remember buying half the store's supply of pork and beans. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was having my morning coffee while getting ready for work. I grabbed clothes off the floor to throw in the hamper. I accidentally threw my full coffee instead. FML
Today, I thought it would be a good idea to sneak out of work early and pay a little visit to the pub. I ended up staggering home, drunkenly making myself a nacho cheese dorito milkshake with the blender, then promptly puked my guts out all over the kitchen table. FML
Today, my husband and I woke up to see my drunk mother passed out on our couch. She was wearing nothing but socks. FML
Today, I slammed the car door on my head while I was getting in the car. If that wasn't bad enough, my boyfriend is convinced I now have a concussion and insists on waking me up every hour to make sure I'm still alive. FML
Today, I accidentally threw a glass of iced tea in my own face, because the restaurant I'd been going to for over a decade switched from heavy glass mugs to identical light-as-a-feather plastic mugs. FML
Today, I went to get a box of cereal and I knocked over a bottle of olive oil. It took me about half an hour to clean up. When I finally finished, I found out the box of cereal was empty. FML
Today, I chipped my tooth on a beer bottle. While I was drinking alone in my basement. FML
Today, I horribly lost a game of basketball against my dad. It wouldn't have been so humiliating if he hadn't been piss drunk at the time. FML
Today, my drinking problem became apparent when my daughter asked for a glass of juice, and I instinctively poured a large glass of scotch instead. FML
Today, I came to the conclusion that I was right about thinking how much it would hurt to hit your head on a door-frame, stub your toe on a stone table leg, and then trip over your cat, who won't take it well and will probably claw your recently stubbed toe. FML
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Top comments
garrett_8614 14
Well if you ate all those beans, I don't think a hangover is the only problem you'll be experiencing today...
ileenefudge 29
Sounds like you should take a break from drinking for a while if you get so drunk that you can't remember what you did or where you went the night before.
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Comments (52)
garrett_8614 14
Well if you ate all those beans, I don't think a hangover is the only problem you'll be experiencing today...
lnheritance 19
Post Apocalypse? Might be a sign OP. You may have prolonged your life.
coming back in the future 30
But did OP use his flybuys?
_cameronkc_ 17
Maybe they're for the nuclear apocalypse
lex1459 38
If op didn't eat them all, they should turn it into a good deed and donate them to the food bank.
Slaught000 9
Lol you are an alcoholic if you get black-outs.
AnOriginalName 19
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Normally I take this site pretty light-heartedly. But I have three comments to make: 1. Alcoholism is a serious disease with serious ramifications for the affected person, their friends, their family, and coworkers. 2. "Lol" and "alcoholic" shouldn't be used in the same context. See my first statement above. 3. Alcoholism and blacking out have very little to do with each other. Alcoholism is a chronic disease. Blacking out is due to excessive short-term ingestion of alcohol. Blacking out is serious, but nowhere nearly as serious as alcoholism is.
iLike2Teabag 27
Did putting "lol" and alcoholic in the same sentence really offend you that much? Why so serious?
siggy_mcsigx 22
Dude #21 there was alcoholism in my family growing up but I wasn't the least bit offended or hurt by #2's comment...everyone knows it's a serious illness. relax, have a laugh, see the joy in life
AnOriginalName 19
Sorry, I wrote that while I was at work, and work had me pissed off tonight. Note for the future: don't work while you're FMLing.
A07 48
#34 shouldn't it be the other way around?
AnOriginalName 19
No, I think that's the right way.
Lhiah 17
At least you didn't wake up with someone in bed.
Slaught000 9
That would have been a good thing. Definitely better than waking up with cans of beans.
martin8337 35
Unless she looks like Frankenstein's daughter or something.
AnOriginalName 19
Or herpes. That tends to be a possible slight negative to waking up next to a stranger.
martin8337 35
Don't forget about the clap or AIDS.
danilynn6308 14
Maybe they were on sale..?
ileenefudge 29
Sounds like you should take a break from drinking for a while if you get so drunk that you can't remember what you did or where you went the night before.
AnOriginalName 19
Or OP just needs to drink more to build up that tolerance so blackouts don't happen so much.
Brandi_Faith 33
Makes you wonder how op got home!
tehman117 21
At least youre ready for an apocolypse?
J215B 33
I thought college students bought ramen in bulk....
SystemofaBlink41 27
I dunno... Being in a lecture with pork and beans in your stomach really doesn't sound that appealing.
keiNan_fml 35
if you have already eaten that entire supply, hangover won't be the only problem
Corvo_Attano_4 12
It would be cool if you found out that someone else bought them for you
kandysnow 18
Well that escalated quickly.
Axipiter 24
Nope.