Today, I was lying in bed with the worst stomach cramps ever. My boyfriend came, looked at me writhing in pain, and said, "Well at least if it's a tapeworm you'll get skinnier." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's place with grumbling stomach pains. I left him in bed to go have explosive diarrhea in the bathroom next to his room. When I was done, I came back to bed and snuggled in next to his sleeping body. He rolled over to whisper, "I heard everything." FML
Today, I was having the worst period cramps you could ever imagine. I cancelled the date I had with my "boyfriend." He replied, “Isn’t there some medicine you can take to make it go away?” When I told him I did and still had them, he said, “Fine, lose my number, I’ll find a girl who doesn’t have that shit.” FML
Today, my daughter called for me to come into the bathroom. Turns out the tummy ache she'd been complaining of was actually parasites in her digestive tract. I could swear they were looking at me from the toilet. FML
Today, I was so sick that I was puking and had the runs. While on the toilet, I yelled for my boyfriend to get me a bowl to puke in. As I did so, I saw that a ton of it was forming on the floor in dots. My boyfriend had given me a spaghetti strainer. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were finally able to settle on having a day out together after putting it off for months because of work/other random reasons. This morning I woke up with the worst case of diarrhea I’ve ever had in my life. I won’t be leaving the bathroom anytime soon. FML
Today, I was in bed with the stomach flu. My boyfriend thought it would be funny to fart in the fan next to our bed, which caused me to vomit all over myself. FML
Today, I dreamt my fiancé was rolling frozen potatoes onto my bed to wake me up. In reality I woke up screaming to intense cramps in my legs which almost reduced me to tears. I could barely walk for two hours. FML
Today, while in bed, my boyfriend pointed to my stomach and said, "Bad fat", then pointed to my boobs and said, "Good fat." FML
Today, I had debilitating stomach cramps and told my mom, but she said she was too tired to take me to the ER. I had appendicitis. Thanks Mom. FML
Today, I had a stomach bug and had to run to the restroom because I messed my pants. My boyfriend's words of comfort? "Don't worry, bro. I've crapped my pants at least twice since we've been together." FML
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Top comments
snafu57 1
Tell him "I may be fat but you're ugly. I can lose weight. "
Moemoemoe_fml 0
Because it's the worst ones SHE's ever had, you complete moron.
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Comments (79)
CallMeHush 1
So slime up some yellow gummy worms, put them in your underwear, walk into the room with your hand in your pants, say "OMG you're right!!!" and throw them on his chest.
Moemoemoe_fml 0
＃1 Oh, idiot who can't read, he said "SIKINNIER". That word implies the chick is ALREADY skinny. I.E., NOT OBESE. http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/-er#Usage_notes_2 Learn to speak English.
Gulo_fml 0
You know for sure it's a tapeworm if it comes out (dead) of your anus. Just saying.
Mr_Sensitive 0
Fatties can get skinnier too, dick-for-shit.
nygirl8302 0
#1...just stop talking, dick-hole
davina_fml 0
Wow, what a ******. Its not only messed up cuz he said "at least you'll get skinnier" but the fact that he doesn't even care if you do have a tapeworm or whatever. That's one of my biggest fears, and if someone close to me was joking about it I would kick them in the balls. Nuff said.
name2notforget 0
He was obviously joking because if she had a tapeworm she wouldn't be having cramps. And never kick a guy in the balls, if you do you are a complete bitch
shadowkiss13 0
well most guys are simple minded and dense (no offense 2 guys) so he probably was tryn 2 cheer u up a bit ......probably
Rebecca1993 0
Men just don't think about things the same way we do lol
oceaneyes9 0
oh buddy that would not go over well if it was my boyfriend.
Cheekers1989 0
What a ******' dick. You should have kicked him in the nuts, and left. But, of course. I'm sure you stayed with the asshole. (Kinda like all these idiot woman do) =]
JustAReaderOfFml 4
1. pretty sure the first line didn't need a comma? 2. pretty sure that second line was meant to be one sentence? 3. women* pls rite back xx
JustAReaderOfFml 4
;)
Shoppergirrl95 0
JustAReaderOfFml, before you become a grammar nazi, you should try it yourself.
JustAReaderOfFml 4
thnx babe ^_^
jahaady 0
tell him that you may be fat but he is ugly and you can diet. Or, just tell him is junk is small. that hurts the worst.