Today, I was at work laminating a large photo. While I was doing this, I had a sudden itch on my nut sack. So I quickly scratched it away. When the customer came to pick up the print, I noticed that one of my pubic hairs had laminated itself on the cheek of the woman in the photograph. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dormant eczema decided to come back with a vengeance - on my scrotum. I work in an open office and can't scratch unless I repeatedly run into the restroom. FML
Today, I was fired for having a haircut that was 'inappropriate for the workplace'. I have alopecia. My boss told me to stop making up excuses. FML
Today, I was clipping my abnormally thick toenails. I had to apply so much pressure on the clippers that a nail flew off, hit me in the eyeball and scratched my cornea. The doctor nearly fell off his chair laughing during my eye exam after I told him what happened. FML
Today, I accidentally ran my thumb down the cheese grater while preparing lunch beside my wife. I instantly jerked my hand away from the grater just in time run my forearm across the knife she was using. I now have 20 stitches and 5 staples in my arm, no lunch, and a puking wife. FML
Today, my mom confessed to me that she used to pluck my step-dad's butt hair. I hope the brain-gods delete this obnoxious mental picture. FML
Today, I almost got fired from work because a customer complained that I "threw up gang signs" at him. I was blocking the sun from my eyes. FML
Today, I woke up with the worst vaginal itching and swelling. I then find out it was brought on by my boyfriend's cheap brand of toilet paper. FML
Today, I was on a train, sitting next to an old man who was reading a newspaper. Suddenly, he sneezed without putting his hands over his nose. Instead of turning towards the window, he turned towards me. FML
Today, I accidentally set my hair on fire while lighting a cigarette. I panicked and put it out by slapping myself in the face. FML
Today, I went to the doctor to inquire about the rash I've been getting in my underarms, behind my knees and sometimes on my face. Turns out I'm allergic to sweat. I'm a varsity rugby coach, gym teacher, and I just shelled out a stack of cash to get a sauna and steam room installed in my house. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
TeenTiger 0
Could you tell us the location of your work place so we can all avoid it. Thanks.
VerticalOrbit 0
Ok, so, you put your hand IN YOUR PANTS? I'm not a guy, but most guys I've seen that get an itch, usually don't put their hand in their pants. You're doing it wrong.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (186)
effliffe 0
you're supposed to scratch on the outside. that's rather dsgusting. although it is ******* hilarious
Youtuber 0
Why didn't you just itch yourself through your boxers???
albokid 0
#9 is 100% correct
Youtuber 0
I would hate to get that picture, especially if i was a girl lol. What if you put your hand in your mouth afterward you would have gotten the hair in your mouth lol.....ew thats so gross
twelefthnight 0
it's called shaving dude. can't believe you can find a girl who would go down on that.
WendlaMimii 0
You're an idiot. Yeah. That you are.
effevery1slife 0
shave that shit
stinebean 0
#48 "That sneaky pube!" definitely the strangest phrase I've heard/read in weeks..
lollipopz8988 0
I agree with #9. You couldn't have just scratched it over your pants?
duhitzisabel 0
LMFAO. favorited! #18 cracked me the **** up for minutes, literarly.