Today, I was at work laminating a large photo. While I was doing this, I had a sudden itch on my nut sack. So I quickly scratched it away. When the customer came to pick up the print, I noticed that one of my pubic hairs had laminated itself on the cheek of the woman in the photograph. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dormant eczema decided to come back with a vengeance - on my scrotum. I work in an open office and can't scratch unless I repeatedly run into the restroom. FML
Today, I was fired for having a haircut that was 'inappropriate for the workplace'. I have alopecia. My boss told me to stop making up excuses. FML
Today, I was clipping my abnormally thick toenails. I had to apply so much pressure on the clippers that a nail flew off, hit me in the eyeball and scratched my cornea. The doctor nearly fell off his chair laughing during my eye exam after I told him what happened. FML
Today, I accidentally ran my thumb down the cheese grater while preparing lunch beside my wife. I instantly jerked my hand away from the grater just in time run my forearm across the knife she was using. I now have 20 stitches and 5 staples in my arm, no lunch, and a puking wife. FML
Today, my mom confessed to me that she used to pluck my step-dad's butt hair. I hope the brain-gods delete this obnoxious mental picture. FML
Today, I almost got fired from work because a customer complained that I "threw up gang signs" at him. I was blocking the sun from my eyes. FML
Today, I woke up with the worst vaginal itching and swelling. I then find out it was brought on by my boyfriend's cheap brand of toilet paper. FML
Today, I was on a train, sitting next to an old man who was reading a newspaper. Suddenly, he sneezed without putting his hands over his nose. Instead of turning towards the window, he turned towards me. FML
Today, I accidentally set my hair on fire while lighting a cigarette. I panicked and put it out by slapping myself in the face. FML
Today, I went to the doctor to inquire about the rash I've been getting in my underarms, behind my knees and sometimes on my face. Turns out I'm allergic to sweat. I'm a varsity rugby coach, gym teacher, and I just shelled out a stack of cash to get a sauna and steam room installed in my house. FML
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Top comments
TeenTiger 0
Could you tell us the location of your work place so we can all avoid it. Thanks.
VerticalOrbit 0
Ok, so, you put your hand IN YOUR PANTS? I'm not a guy, but most guys I've seen that get an itch, usually don't put their hand in their pants. You're doing it wrong.
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Comments (186)
allieg 0
And you couldn't have scratched from outside your pants because...
WeStayCrunk24x7 0
hahahah #2 too right
gregthestrange 3
PROTIP: next time, scratch your sack on the OUTSIDE of your pants
Juli_fml 0
EW
howohsopasse 0
Loving #4! This is hysterical. But seriously buddy, consider trimming.
lifeislife_fml 0
HILARIOUS. Awesome FML.
iDontFail_xD 0
whatd actually be pretty funny to me is if you scratched your dick and you were horny and had sperm on your fingers. Itd probably never happen tho =.=
miaistheshit 0
i'd like to know how you talked yourself out of this one.
citylights 0
hahahahaha that's hilarious!
miaistheshit 0
i'd like to know how you talked yourself out of this one.