Today, my girlfriend tried to change her pad while we were sitting in a crowded movie theatre. She succeeded and slipped the used pad into her purse. I can't get rid of the memory, and I don't think I can ever eat popcorn again. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I took my crush to see a movie. During the movie, I made a move and put my arm around her. As I reached over, my hand went straight into the popcorn tub, and I knocked it over. It spilled everywhere, all over her lap, all over me, and on the floor. I spent the next 15 minutes trying to clean up, while she awkwardly avoided eye contact. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to a scary movie, hoping I could comfort her at a scary part. Instead when a scary part came on, she reacted by throwing up all over my lap and the person in front of us. FML
Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend. We were getting into the mood so I tried to eat the popcorn kind of sexually, causing me to choke on the popcorn and throw up. FML
Today, I went to the movies with a friend and her grandma. Her grandma was using toothpicks and dropping them on the ground next to our popcorn bucket. I took a big handful of popcorn, and was fortunate enough to get a piece of her toothpick lodged in my throat. FML
Today, I tried to quietly open a bag of chips during a movie. The bag made so much noise that people turned around to stare. When I finally got it open, I dropped the entire bag on the floor and chips scattered down the aisle. FML
Today, my daughter decided to make popcorn and for some reason she thought the bag of seeds was for one portion's worth, so she poured the whole damn bag into our popcorn maker and filled half the kitchen floor. It now smells like a cinema lobby. FML
Today, I was at the movies with my boyfriend when I really had to pee. I tried to get out of the aisle in a hurry so I wouldn't disturb anyone when I tripped, landing on the people in the row in front of me. FML
Today, I went to the movies with the girl I liked. She kept on eating my popcorn so I whispered in her ear, "Pretty soon your going to have to repay me with kisses." Then she looked at me and walked out the theatre. She came back with a bucket of popcorn and said, "Here, you're repaid." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I went to see a horror movie. It ended up scaring her so badly that she refused to leave our bed all night long, even to pee. I have to clean the mattress now. FML
Today, my girlfriend reached into my pocket to get my keys so she could get something out of my car. When she yanked them out, the condom that we'd just used flew up into the air and landed on the floor in front of her entire family. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
ndnpride88 25
Man that's disgusting
instnt1nfction 17
Like a ninja
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (636)
mrbattleman 10
that's pretty impressive actually
shalia_fml 1
I vomited a little inside... Not very classy. And hopefully there were no smells.... Oh god.
AllyCat23 9
That's disgusting. She should have gotten her lazy ass up and went to the bathroom.
ThatLooksSticky 16
I think you meant "her lazy ******."
ronton 4
Wow. That's naaaasty. Does anyone else have a craving for tomato soup right now?
livelaughcheer_2 2
ha you really think the blood that comes outta there is anything like tomato soup?
pookie18_fml 9
Not after this FML
ballerinaaub 17
Gag!
ballerinaaub 17
Gag!
ih82bl8 2
Really!? I was just eating tomato soup!! Gross!
DawnMarie11 0
You are just as much of a pig as op's girlfriend you and her deserve eachother.
HockeyBaibe 0
ughh, agreed ^
MagicallyFat 12
There are some things that are not meant for the Internet… this is one of them.
Stupend0us 7
Must have been a good movie. But don't dump her yet. I anxiously await your next FML when she pees in your empty drink cup or ***** in the empty popcorn bag because she doesn't want to miss the movie.
Stupend0us 7
Must have been a good movie. But don't dump her yet. I anxiously await your next FML when she pees in your empty drink cup or ***** in the empty popcorn bag because she doesn't want to miss the movie.
ShroomsOnAcid 17
Well...HOPEFULLY they're empty ....
SirSquishyPants 1
They won't be when she's done
theressarina 2
You would be surprised at what all happens in dark theatres. You're no worse off than you were before...just more enlightened. Enjoy your popcorn.
megapeyt 17
Epic win this comment
loserman67 36
Classy, very very classy! Did everyone in the theatre suddenly wonder who was eating the fish sandwich? Just wait to see what she does at your family reunion!
loserman67 36
Classy, very very classy! Did everyone in the theatre suddnely wonder who was eating the fish sandwich? Just wait to see what she does at your family reunion!
babyzann 0
Did you mean a rotten fish sandwich?!