Sex, Relatable, Cute and Intimacy: Squelching the night away

Squelching the night away

By alison - 04/07/2015 05:02 - United States

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time. All the magic vanished when I kept queefing every time he thrust into me. We made it about 10 seconds before he broke down into hysterical laughter and lost his boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 002

You deserved it 4 942

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Same thing different taste

Rush of gas

By Fart queen - 05/12/2022 04:00

Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. When we finished, he mentioned that he made me queef. I didn’t have the heard to tell him I actually farted during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 577

You deserved it 706

By Anonymous - 18/03/2010 10:39 - United States

Today, I decided it was time to lose my virginity to my boyfriend. After about ten minutes he started going faster and his stomach was slapping against mine. It was making a weird sound so I started laughing. Apparently that wasn't sexy and he went soft. My first time and we didn't even finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 269

You deserved it 38 171

By Anonymous - 03/12/2012 18:39 - Australia - Perth

Today, my boyfriend discovered how to make me queef on demand when he has his fingers inside me. I now feel like my love life has been replaced with fart sounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 763

You deserved it 4 459

By Anonymous - 14/12/2018 14:00

Today, after weeks of no sex, my boyfriend finally decided to have sex with me. While we were getting into it I accidentally farted in his face while his mouth was open. No more sex for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 659

You deserved it 2 133

Honky

By Anonymous - 05/08/2015 14:06 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 025

You deserved it 5 032

Valid reason

By stephhh055 - 21/10/2019 16:00 - United States - Portland

Today, after having sex with my boyfriend for the first time, he told me he wanted to break up. He told me my orgasm face wasn't something he could put up with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 468

You deserved it 265

Turn off

By Anonymous - 03/11/2012 18:02 - Australia - Wembley

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered, "Cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 943

You deserved it 4 233

Fond memories

By -_- - 13/08/2011 00:05 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend for the first time. I went down on him, only for him to burst into tears halfway through. Apparently, I do it just like his long-lost teen sweetheart did. I swear I could feel him go completely limp in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 809

You deserved it 4 626

By atleese - 31/12/2011 15:37 - United States

Today, I was having 'goodbye' sex with my boyfriend. Now for the next four months he's going to remember our last time as the one where I farted and couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 440

You deserved it 31 890

By Haley. - 26/03/2010 23:58 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were trying to have intercourse for the first time. One minute into it, he got nervous and farted. What's worse is that his fart scared him, and he asked "What was that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 290

You deserved it 6 530

qwertycode 19

Sunday 5 July 2015 5:59

At least he's comfortable around you :]

mariah_1_11 22

Sunday 5 July 2015 5:59

Are you related to the Canadian queef sisters?

Comments

nainai_09 14

Saturday 10 September 2016 5:57

Lol what is #76 on?? Why are they so confrontational?? ??

emmalou 19

Thursday 18 February 2021 0:25

Don't worry a man won't laugh

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The Top

Today, to spice things up a bit, my wife and I were having sex in our kitchen. She was up on the counter and I moved her over to get in a better position. The stove was still hot from dinner, so now my wife has a burn that looks like a double rainbow on her ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 101

You deserved it 36 910

Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated. I said to him, "Do what ever you want". He got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he went to get a condom. He came back with a sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 159

You deserved it 11 993

The Top

Today, I gave birth to a baby girl. Where was my husband after the agony finally ended? Standing just outside the room, flirting with a nurse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 251

You deserved it 3 525

Today, I actually said the words "yes, a blowjob from a guy is still cheating" to my husband. I never thought that would be a problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 449

You deserved it 295

Today, I played charades with my girlfriend and her family. When it was her turn to act out a phrase, she simply walked to the center of the room and pointed to herself and then at me. It took less than 5 seconds for someone to correctly guess "Beauty and the Beast". FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 444

You deserved it 2 359

Today, after 3 hours of sleep, I had to rush to my grandmother's house because she fell and couldn't get up. An embarrassed, half-naked old lady, a very wet rug, an ambulance and a trip to the hospital later, and she still refuses to use her cane and walker. I hope I'm not this stubborn when I'm old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 124

You deserved it 2 679

Today, I found out that the money I spent on a very specific degree was wasted, because apparently, I don't qualify for a job at the place that told me I had to have that degree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 629

You deserved it 2 049

Today, I was at hospital and the nurse asked me for an emergency contact number. I was about to say my wife, but she divorced me last month. I couldn’t think of anyone else. My parents are dead, none of my other relatives live in this country, and I have no children or friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 927

You deserved it 98