Life Struggles

Today, I was mentioning to a coworker how there was a huge lull today in business. A young coworker then turns to me and says in a snooty tone, "I think you mean a 'lol', it's pronounced L-O-L." FML

Understandable

Live dumping

Gordon Ramsey called, you're an idiot sandwich

By shut up. - 11/11/2013 10:36 - New Zealand

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Today, my boyfriend's mom bought us matching purity rings. FML

By airrinw_33 - 21/1/2013 03:55 - United States - Greenwood

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Today, I was texting the guy I like. He's really smart, funny, athletic, and cute. This all changed when he told me he was jacking off. FML

By idrathernotgiveoutmyname - 31/1/2012 02:50 - Canada

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Today, I found out that I am allergic to grass, and not supposed to mow lawns. My job is mowing lawns. FML

By jobless - 16/5/2012 07:36 - United States - Groton

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Today, I walked in on my dog slurping my coffee. I'm not sure how long we have been sharing my morning cup of joe. FML

By Anonymous - 13/12/2016 13:22 - United States - Wilmington

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Today, I received a cute letter in my locker. It was in German, so I used Google translate. Apparently, someone hopes I choke on big fat cock. FML

By kittens go meow - 15/2/2012 00:35 - United States

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Today, at work a really hot guy came up to me and asked "what are your hours?" Excited, I told him I get off at 4 but might be able to get out sooner. He started laughing and then said "I meant your store hours". He turned around and walked away, shaking his head and laughing. FML

By Dumbdumb - 15/2/2010 14:29 - United States

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Today, I was with my boyfriend, and things were getting pretty heated. Trying to be sexy, I told him that every time we touched was a guilty pleasure. He rolled off of me, and said "Oh, you're married too?" FML

By Busted - 21/10/2009 21:25 - United States

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Today, I made a horrific discovery; the months-long gnat epidemic in my spotlessly clean home has been emanating from my coffee pot. They've been procreating inside it all this time. I use it every day. FML

By GnatEater - 7/9/2018 15:00

Kinky.

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Today, I changed my 2009 new year's resolution to lose my virginity to my 2010 new year's resolution. FML

By stillavirgin - 3/1/2010 07:41 - Canada

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Today, I found out that my friends were convinced that I was gay. I have known most of them for 3 plus years, they all thought my girlfriend was a special shopping partner. I found this out while announcing my engagement. FML

By Anonymous - 3/12/2009 08:23 - United States

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Today, I was able to check my voicemail and email for the first time in two weeks. The only message I got was from my landlord telling me that the house I'm renting is in foreclosure, and I needed to have all my stuff out in ten days. He left the message nine days ago. FML

By Anonymous - 3/9/2009 09:48 - United States

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Today, I am jobless after graduation. Ironic, since when I started college with my education degree, I was congratulated, told of the teacher shortage in my state, and how quickly I would be able to find a job. Three years in, the economy tanks, and the state issues a teacher hiring freeze. FML

By FMJoblessL - 4/2/2010 05:02 - United States

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Today, at work, I fainted and hit my head. When I told my boyfriend, he said, “Why does it matter?” FML

By Elizabeth Ann - 10/5/2019 23:00

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Today, I was told that I was a terrible mother, I was ruining my daughter’s life and that I was raising her to be promiscuous. Why? Because I'd painted my 2-year-old’s fingernails. FML

By badmom - 30/1/2018 19:00

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Today, my youngest decided my phone needed a bath in the toilet. FML

By "lildale92" - 5/11/2019 02:00

So cute

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Today, I was at work at the airport. I got called up to a plane's cargo hold, and thought I'd finally learn how to use the loader. Turns out they just needed me to weigh something down, effectively making me ballast. Then my boss told me to get the hell off, after which I hit my head hard climbing out. FML

By Anonymous - 17/2/2014 17:36 - United States

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Today, I got off from work and noticed that the weather finally warmed up after the recent snowstorm. I hopped into my car and rolled down the windows. When I opened the sun roof, a foot of snow came falling into my car. FML

By Chris Altenbach - 23/2/2010 20:55 - United States

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Today, I was getting coffee when I pulled my lip balm from my pocket and started playing with it in my hands, tapping it on my face and lip. There were there two gorgeous guys in front of me who kept turning around and staring at me. I was actually holding a tampon. FML

By C BOMB - 14/9/2015 23:58 - Australia - Toowong

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Today, I was holding my son and smelled poop so I checked his diaper, but there was nothing there. Then I realized it was my breath. FML

By Chan - 23/1/2010 03:16 - United States

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Today, my attention-seeking, insanely thick co-worker explained that due to her new diet she can't eat bread. She "can eat pizza" though. When we pointed out that they’re pretty much made of the same ingredients, she wouldn’t believe us. I sit right behind this idiot every day. FML

By Vercsi - 19/2/2015 15:47 - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

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Today, I was rushed to the emergency room. Apparently, there is only one serious side effect of getting your tonsils out when you're an adult, which is only seen in about 1% of patients: bleeding of the throat. It can be deadly. I'm part of that 1%. FML

By blahdyblahblah33 - 3/7/2011 00:22 - United States

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Today, I forgot I left my tampons in a grocery bag packed with food that I put into the fridge. I realized two hours later while frantically looking for a tampon. I'm still cold down there. FML

By InsertPopcicle - 22/11/2013 06:53 - United States

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Today, it's the first day of my two-week stay at my in-laws' house. They forbid drinking, smoking, cursing, and anything even remotely sexual. I smuggled in my quietest toy to keep me sane in this holy house. If only I hadn't forgotten to bring the battery pack too. FML

By comeuntome - 29/11/2012 19:42 - United States

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Today, I had a girl come over to my house that I had been texting for four days. I asked her what she wanted to do and she replied "take a nap". Becoming really excited I lead her to my bedroom and went to the hiding spot for my condoms, she was serious about the nap. FML

By hugedissapointment - 9/8/2009 12:43 - United States

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Today, I drove to my university to pick up forms and books. When I parked at 2:58 there was 30 mins on the meter. I returned at 3:32 only to find a parking ticket issued at 3:31. The worst part is, the books were not available until next week and I could've got the forms online. FML

By unifail - 22/1/2009 10:48 - Canada

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Today, my mom explained to me that looking up gay porn on the internet is bad. I didn't look up gay porn. The only other person who uses the laptop is my dad. I couldn't tell her the truth and had to pretend I enjoy gay fanfiction. FML

By weeks - 19/8/2009 04:41 - United States

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Today, after spending two days cleaning my car inside and out, I had to pick up my brother when his truck died in the mountains, on a dirt road. He was drunk. I now have a car covered in mud and filled with vomit. FML

By Anonymous - 4/7/2009 20:21 - United States

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Today, I saw my 22-year-old boyfriend blow his nose into his hand, then wipe his snot on our couch. There was a box of tissues directly in front of him. FML

By rozziepop - 30/3/2012 05:37 - United States - Visalia

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Today, after two and half years at my company and after recently being promoted, I was told by my boss the business doesn't feel it needs me, and invited me to find another job. FML

By wishyouweremeds - 30/10/2019 16:00 - Australia - Sydney

Where's my explanation?

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Today, my girlfriend was going down on me, when I heard my dog start growling. He must have thought my girlfriend was hurting me, because out of nowhere and before I could do anything, he attacked her. FML

By ohsnap - 22/1/2011 21:24 - United States

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Today, I was on the phone with an elderly customer at work. I had to spend 10 minutes listening to him describe how the underwear he bought was too tight and caused his bladder to leak. FML

By spiderchick23 - 10/2/2011 00:41 - United States

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Today, my custom printed Christmas cards that I reviewed twice before ordering, came in the mail. This year I will be wishing everyone a "wondeful" holiday season. I'm an elementary school teacher. FML

By Anonymous - 8/12/2010 05:17 - United States

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Today, I was called fat by my boyfriend's old-fashioned mom. I'm not close to fat but I'm not really skinny either so she calls me fat. She also complained that my feet makes noise when I walk and that girls shouldn't make noise when walking. This week has been hell. FML

By Home sick - 4/1/2019 20:00

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Today, I turned eighteen. Thinking I was going to get a big present from my parents on this special day, I eagerly unwrapped my present. They got me a bag of M and M's. Last year I got flannel bed sheets. FML

By bdaygirl - 3/12/2009 07:33 - United States

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Today, my parents left for work before I had to leave for school and I decided to skip. I stayed by the phone, expecting the school to call so I could pose as my parent and excuse my absence. The phone rings and I pick up. It's my Mom, calling to leave my dad a message on the machine. FML

By noway6000 - 3/3/2009 16:49 - United States

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Today, I realized that every targeted advertisement on my Facebook involves gym memberships and diet pills. FML

By liveviathetredmill - 1/10/2012 20:04 - United States - New York

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Today, my boyfriend and I were laying naked in my bed making out. All of a sudden, we hear "pop goes the weasel" outside my house. My boyfriend stops and excitedly says, "ICE CREAM MAN", flips me over, grabs his clothes, and runs out of my room. FML

By soooyeah - 30/4/2009 12:15 - United States

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Today, my boyfriend told me that he hasn't showered in over a week, because he "doesn't like to be wet." FML

By Shelby - 14/8/2019 02:00

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Today, my husband yelled at me for not doing any household chores. I can barely move my hand without suffering excruciating pain, due to recent surgery to ease my arthritis, and my other hand is as bad as ever. I can barely work this phone, let alone wash dishes and iron clothes. FML

By Anonymous - 24/1/2013 17:52 - United Kingdom - London

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