Today, I had to kick my own father out of my house after he started attacking my wife for breastfeeding our newborn son in the living room. All the way to the door, he ranted that, "You don't see me whipping my dick out and pissing in front of everyone, do you?" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my father is living with me because he's broke, but sometimes he has temper tantrums and calls me a son of a bitch. I can't stand to be name-called when I support him 1000%, and then we got into a violent physical fight. We both end up hurt, so I want to kick him out of my house, but I can't because he won't leave. FML
Today, my drunk dad went off on a tangent about his porn watching habits to the whole family. FML
Today, I finally had it out with my abusive father. I spent almost an hour detailing about how he constantly humiliates me in public, treats me like slime, and hits me at random when he's in a bad mood. His response was, "Quit being such a wimp" because I'm "not female." Mom took his side. I'm 16 and can't move out. FML
Today, my dad was drunk and angry, so I went to the neighbor's since I didn't know what to do. He was so nice and comforted me as I cried. Then his wife came home, called him a pedophile, beat me, and threw me out. FML
Today, I was taking a dump, when my dad shouted for me to go wash the dishes. Fed up with his constant shit, I told him to bite me. He took this as an invitation to wedge the bathroom door shut for nearly two hours, despite all my pleas and apologies. FML
Today, my mom kicked my dad out of the house and told him not to come home again. Why? I started watching some porn on my computer, forgetting I was still connected to the bluetooth speakers in the living room. My mom thought it was my dad, and I didn't have the balls to admit the truth. FML
Today, my husband decided it's completely fine to walk around the house with his penis out in front of his mom. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were fooling around when her dad burst in, proclaimed an, “Aha! I caught you you pervert!” moment and threw me out of the house. We’re in our 30s with kids, and jointly own that house. Having a father in law with Alzheimer's is great isn’t it? Just fecking great. FML
Today, I got into an argument with my dad in his hotel room. I lost my temper and stormed out onto the balcony for some fresh air, at which point he decided to lock the door behind me, trapping me there for half an hour while he watched TV. FML
Today, I desperately needed to pee, but my mom was in the bathroom taking a shower, so I waited patiently until she finished. Just as I was about to go in, my half-naked dad rushed ahead, said "Going somewhere, son?" and shut the door on me. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
It's official: he's a complete bastard.
VengeanceChicken 12
But breastfeeding provides nourishment, whereas pissing in front of everyone provides dirty looks and makes you a recipient for a potential ass-kicking....
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Comments (277)
yzzami 17
If it was in public, highly inappropriate and do not want to see it. In your own home, I guess its up to who lives there. I would have probably excused myself and left without making a scene if it were their house
iateapenguin 27
So a baby should go hungry just because some people are too sensitive to catch a glimpse of a nipple? Get a grip.
syed121417 22
Americans with breasts in general- awesome! Americans with public breastfeeding- eww put it away!! 1) breast are not meant to be sexualized, we made it that way. Many people in different cultures walk around topless because they know breasts are simply part of the human body with the purpose of breastfeeding. The only truly private area are your pubes.
syed121417 22
2) I find it amazing how you can go to the beach and women can be wearing bikinis that don't really make a difference in covering themselves up, but a women can not feed her baby in public. You know it's just the baby eating right? What if I said you were disgusting for eating your lunch? It's time to grow up
yesmydear 7
I seriously don't understand why you have such problems with breastfeeding in the US. Here nobody offends moms for doing the natural thing. OP you are a really great guy!!
lulinator 40
I used to teach dancing, and my daughter had to come with me because she wouldn't take a bottle from anyone. My students never knew when I was nursing until I was done and burping her. I was cradling her, and one older student asked, "is she eating now?" I said yes. She comes back with "wow, you're like in stealth mode, can barely even tell unless you look really hard."
lasttimelawd 9
Haha. People are so butthurt about this! The dumb **** shoulda covered herself. Simple as that. Pissing, ********, cumming, and vomiting are all natural processes as well. But you don't see me dropping a deuce in the middle of the mall. Natural or not, that's irrelevant. Would you take your child to a nude beach where they can see naked breasts all over the place? No. So why is it okay for these lazy ***** to whip out their **** wherever they want? And don't gimme the "you can't see anything" bullshit. I've seen more than enough women breastfeeding to know that claim is pure bullshit.
BeepBeepSwerve 9
If I put you on the scale of stupidity,you'd break it.....twice
billyisgone 4
You seem like a super classy person. You did realize the OP said she was in her own home right? You know, that place where you can do whatever the **** you want because its your house? What a "lazy ****" for feeding her kid in her own home. You sir, are a complete moron and should be sterilized. Or euthanized. Pick one.
Thatguy334 7
Your old man is a complete douche canoe
syed121417 22
I never understood why Americans are so conservative with breast feeding. There are so many cultures where we see breasts as just part of the human body, not a sexual item. Some people need to grow up. And then breast feeding- oh your feeding your child in public the way nature intended, what a irreverent person! I just don't get why people are so uncomfortable with it.
communisttaco 16
Breast assured that this is a terrible pun.
dammityou 10
omfg! a boob! everyone take cover! nooooooo
yeabro_itzmarz 4
That is hilarious... Your dad had the best response ever
Zebediabolical 45
I find the best way to get breast-feeders to go away is to stare at them creepily, make eye contact with the mom and lick my lips. Works every time. Well, both times. I usually don't care enough to chase them off.