Intimacy: Self-service - FML

Self-service

By Steve - 13/06/2012 21:30 - United States - Lake Charles

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my wife masturbating. Naturally, I asked her if she needed some help. She replied, "Nah, I've got this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 800

You deserved it 17 099

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
Find out how a day off can turn into a series of hilarious, unexpected events. More…

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Same thing different taste

By Anonn - 23/02/2009 13:14 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I accidentally walked in on my girlfriend masturbating so I said to her, "Need a hand with that?" to which she replied "I'm doing fine here on my own, don't ruin it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 93 142

You deserved it 23 473

By Isabell - 06/02/2010 05:31 - Australia

Spicy

Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 744

You deserved it 5 862

By Korisite - 30/10/2011 05:31 - United States

Spicy

Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 230

You deserved it 24 980

Classic Dave

By Sarahir - 29/04/2020 05:00

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my husband masturbating into the kitchen sink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 188

You deserved it 390

By Anonymous - 30/01/2015 20:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my husband jacking off to a photo of himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 177

You deserved it 4 500

Surprised indeed

By fredo - 19/03/2013 12:31 - United States - Ames

Spicy

Today, I walked into the room naked while my wife was on the computer to surprise her. She smiled, put down her laptop and left for the bathroom so I started jerking it in anticipation. It was really feeling good until my wife's best friend, who was on Skype, started giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 047

You deserved it 24 089

By notsohandy - 03/01/2014 22:08 - Denmark - Hadsten

Spicy

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend masturbating beside me. I asked if she needed a hand. She called me a pervert and now won't speak to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 928

You deserved it 8 122

Can't win

By Anonymous - 24/09/2019 22:00

Spicy

Today, I was in the mood for morning sex, but my wife told me to go wank it off in the bathroom. Three minutes later I was mid-wank when she started banging on the door because I was taking too long, and she needed to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 141

You deserved it 357

Deez nutz hurtz

By Anonymous - 11/03/2020 15:01

Spicy

Today, I was about to have sex with my wife, so I walked into our room naked, but then whacked myself in the nuts with the door handle as I attempted to close it. She can't stop laughing, and I can't sit down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 081

You deserved it 516

By StretchNuts - 11/03/2010 12:50 - United States

Spicy

Today, while getting it on with my wife, I started to talk dirty to her. She started laughing. When I asked her if she wanted me to stop, she just kept on laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 452

You deserved it 4 821

Next

Top comments

igese 11

Thursday 14 June 2012 5:33

start jacking off next 2 her

Argumental_Rhino 8

Thursday 14 June 2012 5:32

You must be doing something wrong.

Comments

AKGirlinSD 20

Friday 15 June 2012 11:42

Just like most men, women enjoy masturbating just as much. They even watch **** too :-O!...Even though we all know women only belong in the kitchen...kidding!

im_smart 0

Friday 15 June 2012 16:04

Dumb ass... BONE FIRST THINK LATER

Love_marilyn 0

Friday 15 June 2012 23:47

Yes trust me women love masturbating just as much as men, if not more considering the fact you guys only have 4000 nerve endings and we have 8000. So technically it feels better for us;) and just ask if u can watch and if she says no then give her space. Then ask if she can pleasure you afterword

mckaylanicole59 4

Monday 18 June 2012 4:30

you have obviously failed...

Queen_of_Night 20

Tuesday 19 June 2012 10:52

Been there, done that. Never had a guy get me off before so if I want an awesome time I got to roll up the sleeves and get the job done myself. I actually prefer masturbation over sex. Considering I don't think any of us knows OP or his wife, it could be she just didn't want sex or it could be he really does suck at it. But no sense in ripping a guy who's already down.

AnimationStation 3

Tuesday 19 June 2012 22:26

Work on your technique and surprise her with it, so maybe next time she'll let you in on it ;)

Marissa1586 18

Sunday 24 June 2012 20:44

AHAHA xDDD Don't worry though duii they're two completely separate things

jordan_anne 4

Tuesday 26 June 2012 6:57

LOL I PISSED MY PANTS LAUGHING!!!

juanmanuel 0

Thursday 19 July 2012 6:54

HAHA get destroyed sir.

JacobClay_XP 1

Friday 21 September 2012 1:18

Why you gotta ask? Lol just do it.

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The Top

Today, I went to the bar with some friends. When we walked in, we picked a table at random in the same area as a bunch of older men. The oldest, fattest, ugliest man at the table looked me over then stared at my chest. He then started to motorboat the air in the direction of my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 229

You deserved it 6 619

Today, my fat brother has nothing wrong with him. His blood pressure, cholesterol, and absolutely everything are perfectly normal, despite him being 10 stone overweight. I'm 12 stone and exercise regularly, yet I have 4 separate serious medical conditions, one of which might one day kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 733

You deserved it 194

The Top

Today, my boyfriend came round to drop off some underwear, which I'd left at his house. Not all of what he brought was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 363

You deserved it 2 508

Today, it was my birthday. I spent all day in bed, sick with the flu. My boyfriend then broke up with me by text, because he didn't want to risk getting sick by doing it in person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 074

You deserved it 3 414

Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 436

You deserved it 3 384

Today, it was the last day of camp. I told my friends we should exchange e-mail addresses so we could stay in touch. Apparently, they all had already exchanged their contact info. Nobody asked me for one piece of my contact info even once during the entire six weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 706

You deserved it 4 689

Today, I went to the bank to deposit the cash I made waiting tables. While the teller was counting, I apologized for having so many small bills and she said "It's OK honey, I helped another one of your kind just the other day. You're lucky we take your dirty money." She thought I was a stripper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 753

You deserved it 235

Today, I found a note in my boyfriend's car from another girl telling him she hoped he liked the flowers. These were the same flowers he gave me while I was in the hospital, just after having his kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 428

You deserved it 4 469