By Anonymous - 20/07/2010 04:53 - United States

Today, I moved into my new apartment and met my new roommate. Immediately after shaking hands he suggested that we make a "masturbation schedule" to avoid any awkward situations. Way to avoid an awkward situation. FML
I agree, your life sucks 44 199
You deserved it 4 215

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Top comments

Fuck the schedule, everything's more fun when done together!

at least he thinks ahead.


RainbowxxVeinsx 17

Lmao, wow that's kinda weird O_O

RainbowxxVeinsx 17

Hmm, I just thought about this, wonder if he had just got done with his "scheduled time" before he shook your hand? haha

quackquackgopat 0


Matt do you think your cool or something? That type of comment is not even funny, it just shows how immature you really are.

this sounds like something Sheldon (Big Bang Theory) would do

RainbowxxVeinsx 17

22-Seriously, who couldn't like family guy. If that's what your referring to?

tht epesode of family guy wad funny 

#12, Haha nice family guy reference. That episode is so funny. And to #18, I hope you take back what you said because now it sounds like you're calling family guy immature. How dare you!

cantfightfate 0

hahah awesome family guy reference!

OhWowFYLindeed 0

I ********** on wendsdays and saturdays, at precisely 3:00 AM. :D

RainbowxxVeinsx 17

It's sad I can't remember anything else that happened in that episode of Family Guy now D: haha.

definately unique. xD

hahahaha. i had the same thought. lmfao. XD

White_Fury 0

Family guy FTW! :) Such an amazing show!

OP are you a girl? because that schedule can be your pleasure time with him!! and if your a guy then go suck his donkey !!! YDI for not knowing your roommate. bottomline just suck his donkey!!!

he just wants to know your schedule so he can "accidentally" walk in on you

Bl0OdYShAdOw 0

Family Guy is a horrible show. Everyone can just shut up about it. Only faggots enjoy that show.

20 I love The Big Bang! Funniest show ever

stewpididiot 11

32... me too...what a coincidence... or is it ??

way to write a fake fml... my sister watched something like this on Disney... just not for wanking, but bathrooms.

SapphireSympathy 7

oooh! i never thought of that. lol clever. and probably so true. haha

gingernator 0

32, that's it?! you really need to exercise your... muscle more. I do it everyday from 3AM to 6AM and the again at 7PM to 10PM. XD

xoxolovemexoxo 0

oh my gosh that's horribblee

gingernator 0

how? builds stamina!

atleast he's thinking of others before himself... haha

haha well he sounds very...interesting

hahahaha wowwwww I posted that comment just to see how many losers on here would get upset about it and it worked pretty well...f all ur lives for not having a life

funny but not an FML...

msyelowbubblegum 0

well which is more ackward making a masterbating schedule or walking into ur new roomate masterbating? haha u pick

gingernator 0

walking in. I walked in on my sister when she was doing that, turns out she's not actually my sister... rather my brother...

That's... interesting.

ShorTiE4LyFe 0

20- Exactly what I was thinking!

do you have a beeper to remind you? and if it goes off when you're talking to somebody are you like brb I need to wank

gingernator 0

xD 97

who is the pitcher and catcher ? call it fantasy baseball. you will have to schedule your 5 on 1 games around real baseball games. have a world series too !

I'm the real MC Hammer.

screw the schedule, u cant tell me when to get horny or not, thats my job!!!!!

hamstercarlos 2

me to

#2, Wednesday Thursday Friday? Sounds like a pretty good schedule for me!

perdix 29

Probably not. That means no action from Saturday through Tuesday, so he runs the risk of a case of the DSBs despite the strokefest that runs from Wed to Fri. It would be OK if he is confident he can be getting sex regularly on the weekend, but then I remembered: It's a guy who schedules his masturbation -- he's either a virgin or in danger of regaining it!

Yeah better not take the risk...Unless OP masturbates whenever he has the chance, like under the school desk while staring at the hot office lady!

Fuck the schedule, everything's more fun when done together!

Trupe 3

Lol you didn't say no **** :/ but it was funny so it's all good

gingernator 0

yes if they're girls otherwise, NO!!!!!!!!!!

sourgirl101 28

Circle jerks. Come on, that doesn't make you gay does it???

Daerauko 0

lol as long as no one crosses swords

gingernator 0

if a guy touches another guys dick on purpose or on accident and likes it, it's ****. ****, do not want!!!

Crncj 0

#4- are you suggesting mutual masturbation?

IGaveRickUp 15

Oh, the horror of being a homosexual!

remember kids, its only gay if dicks touch

What a weirdo. xD

Rob207 3

maybe just trying to break the ice

at least he thinks ahead.

pandamaddox 0

"your cool with back to back right?"

thelifeofme 0

I absolutely love your picture. it's so cute(:

kazzythesavage 0

that's a good convo starter lol.

FFML_314 11

It's a smart idea. Masturbation is important in life and so is avoiding being caught! ;]

boredatwork11 2

3 said it all.